Man: …and then she’s gon’ ask me, “How was church?” I’m like, get the fuck outta here. How many times have I asked her to go to Goddamn church with me? Every fuckin’ Sunday, I ask that bitch to go to Goddamn church with me. Never! Not once has she come with me, now she wants to ask me, “How was fuckin’ church?”.
–Sephora, 19th & 5th
Overheard by: yassira diggs
Mormon guy: So last time I was here, I was trying to get to Columbia, and I missed my stop and got off in Harlem. And I looked around and thought, “I can’t believe I’m the only white person here!” And sure enough, I was the only white person there. I mean, I was wearing a tie!
–flight into JFK
Woman: Oh boy, you are in trouble girl. Jesus says to come over here right now. Jesus says come over here now!
Guy: So I really need your advice. My wife was driving on the LIE, and she had a vision from God telling her to sleep with this other guy, so she did. Well, I finally got her to move back in with me, but now she says I’m full of shit and everything I say is a lie. I really want to work this out with her, you know?
God Squad guy: I love all y’all in the name of Jesus, ’cause I got Jesus! I’m blessed, you’re stressed. I’m anointed, you’re disappointed!
Overheard by: saltylips
God Squad woman: Here come da Jesus, fire from his mouth!
–1st Avenue L station
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Girl: Jesus there’s like a restaurant every two feet here.
–46th between 8th & 9th
Man: …come to think about it, my grandfather was in charge of the marshmallow burning during Joan of Arc’s burning, so I guess it’s in my heritage!
–45th between 8th & 9th
Overheard by: Alex Venguer