Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Stand Clear of the Closing Wednesday One-liners

Conductor: The way this train is moving you’d be better off on a bicycle. Next stop is Broadway-Lafayette, where transfer to the 6 is downtown only for reasons unknown.

–F train

Overheard by: Matt

Chick: Everybody at work lives in Park Slope. They have nicknames for the subway: N stands for Never, R stands for Rarely, and W for Whatever.

–Forbes Magazine gym, 5th Avenue

Conductor: There are bathrooms located in every other train car. And again, please don’t pee on the seats people.

–Metro-North train

Overheard by: Susie P

Conductor: This is the F train to Manhattan, next stop York St…by the way, you just missed your connection with the C train. When I miss my connection, it just makes me sick.

–F train

Overheard by: RMC

Getting Directions (A NYC Short Story)

Blind man: Hi, can you tell me which way to the N/R line?
Asian dude: Uhh…that way.

–Atlantic Avenue station

Overheard by: JL

Straggling Home (A NYC Short Story)

Drunk: Miss, do you think I could sit next to you for a moment, just a moment, and you could smell me and tell me whether I smell like I’ve been drinking?
Girl: No.
Drunk: Why not?
Girl: Because I don’t want to have to smell anyone.
Drunk: Well fuck you too.

–168th Street station

“No, you should just get some Coke. Diet.”

Teen girl #1: Noooo! Getting your cooch pierced be a bad idea. You know how much that shit hurts?
Teen girl #2: No shit! That’s why I’m gonna be on E at the time. You think I’m stupid enough to do it sober?

–Columbus Circle station

Overheard by: Djlindee

Next Summer: Three-Way Calling

Chick #1: She spent the whole summer blowing guys in the top bunk.
Chick #2: That’s gross.
Chick #1: Yeah, I woke up one morning and she was like, “I hope I didn’t keep you up with my fellatio”, and I was like, “No, I got a phone call and I don’t need to hear about your sex life.”

–2nd Avenue station

Overheard by: Wilsun Filups

Now All of New York is Applauding You

Cheryl: I can’t believe he called me a bitch in a meeting with all of those people! I didn’t know what to do!
Bitch: Cheryl, being called a bitch isn’t an insult; it’s applause. It means he didn’t have anything really bad to say.

–23rd Street F station

“Oh. So you’re Korean.”

White guy: You know, on the Tokyo subways they have people who push passengers onto trains. Uh, have you ever been to Tokyo?
Asian guy: No.
White guy: Oh. Are you Japanese?
Asian guy: No.
White guy: Oh. Where you from?
Asian guy: Queens.

–N train

Overheard by: Rich

Lestat is Spinning in His Grave

Ghetto queer: …my favorite author is Patricia Cromwell. Her books are insane! They’re all about murder. It gets so crazy that the FBI even gets involved and shit! She’s my girl.
Ghetto chick: I like urban novels.
Ghetto queer: What’s that?
Ghetto chick: You know, like reality. Stuff about life on the streets.
Ghetto queer: Mmm…I can’t get into that. I got enough reality in my life. But my sister is getting me into this vampire stuff.

–G train

Overheard by: Jim

Wednesday One-liners: Cocks & Trains

Girl: …so I told him to suck his own dick if he thinks he can do it any better.

–G train

Overheard by: Ocera

Little boy: Mommy, mommy, do you have a penis?

–E train

Overheard by: Ting

JHS kid: …so I said, “He’s gonna make you stay after class and he’s gonna pull down your fucking pants and shove his fucking cock up your ass!”

–Times Square shuttle

Overheard by: Lizzy

Out of the Mouths of Babes: Howard Dean is a Commie!

Little girl #1: My dad wants to write books but doesn’t.
Little girl #2: Why not?
Little girl #1: Well, he’s busy.
Little girl #2: Why doesn’t he just quit his job and start writing a book?
Little girl #1: I dunno…maybe because we won’t have any money?
Little girl #3: Ooh, then you could move to Vermont!

–F train

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist