Gay Black guy #1: Oh my god, I sooo have jungle fever. Do I look good with him?
Gay Black guy #2: It’s so weird.
Gay Black guy #1: What, we don’t look good together?
Gay Black guy #2: No, yeah, it’s just that, he’s really white and you’re like, extra black, so it’s like really jungle fever.
–D train
Guy: That’s crazy, man. That’s worse than crazy, that’s fucking psychotic! Seventy dollars for a fucking permit. Seventy, eighty dollars for a moving violation, that I understand. But seventy dollars for a fucking permit? The fucking well is running dry!
–Prospect Avenue station
Overheard by: Alison
Teen girl: Let’s order together but have them put it in separate bags. We’ll pay less tax that way.
–Wendy’s, Union Square
Overheard by: Nathan Kipe
Tourist:…no, really! The streets are so clean!
–24th & Broadway
Overheard by: Manhattman
Guy: Yeah, they had the baby, named her Maybe, and–
Girl: Wait, they named her Maybe? As in M-A-Y-B-E?
Guy: Uh, yeah. Maybe. But I think it might be spelled differently.
Girl: That’s odd, really a weird baby name.
Guy: Yes, yes it is. But it’s sort of like, maybe she’s theirs, maybe she’s not.
–L train
Conductor: The way this train is moving you’d be better off on a bicycle. Next stop is Broadway-Lafayette, where transfer to the 6 is downtown only for reasons unknown.
–F train
Overheard by: Matt
Chick: Everybody at work lives in Park Slope. They have nicknames for the subway: N stands for Never, R stands for Rarely, and W for Whatever.
–Forbes Magazine gym, 5th Avenue
Conductor: There are bathrooms located in every other train car. And again, please don’t pee on the seats people.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: Susie P
Conductor: This is the F train to Manhattan, next stop York St…by the way, you just missed your connection with the C train. When I miss my connection, it just makes me sick.
–F train
Overheard by: RMC
Blind man: Hi, can you tell me which way to the N/R line?
Asian dude: Uhh…that way.
–Atlantic Avenue station
Overheard by: JL
Drunk: Miss, do you think I could sit next to you for a moment, just a moment, and you could smell me and tell me whether I smell like I’ve been drinking?
Girl: No.
Drunk: Why not?
Girl: Because I don’t want to have to smell anyone.
Drunk: Well fuck you too.
–168th Street station
Teen girl #1: Noooo! Getting your cooch pierced be a bad idea. You know how much that shit hurts?
Teen girl #2: No shit! That’s why I’m gonna be on E at the time. You think I’m stupid enough to do it sober?
–Columbus Circle station
Overheard by: Djlindee
Chick #1: She spent the whole summer blowing guys in the top bunk.
Chick #2: That’s gross.
Chick #1: Yeah, I woke up one morning and she was like, “I hope I didn’t keep you up with my fellatio”, and I was like, “No, I got a phone call and I don’t need to hear about your sex life.”
–2nd Avenue station
Overheard by: Wilsun Filups
Cheryl: I can’t believe he called me a bitch in a meeting with all of those people! I didn’t know what to do!
Bitch: Cheryl, being called a bitch isn’t an insult; it’s applause. It means he didn’t have anything really bad to say.
–23rd Street F station
White guy: You know, on the Tokyo subways they have people who push passengers onto trains. Uh, have you ever been to Tokyo?
Asian guy: No.
White guy: Oh. Are you Japanese?
Asian guy: No.
White guy: Oh. Where you from?
Asian guy: Queens.
–N train
Overheard by: Rich
