NYC: One Fucking Big Happy Family

Drunk White hobo: Aw man, fucka that shit.
Hispanic deli chef: Man, you don’t have to say that to me. I am your brother.
Drunk White hobo: You’re right, brother…I am sorry, my brother.

–34th street deli between 8th & 9th

Black dude #1: Shut up, nigga.
Black dude #2: What the fuck. Don’t call me nigga. I’m Puerto Rican. Call me a spic.
Black dude #3: Stop using that offensive language! No wonder everyone on this train is staring at us. We are all God’s children. We all bleed the same. Aren’t we all god’s children?
White woman: Pardon?
Black dude #3: Aren’t we all god’s children?
White woman: Well, yes.
Black dude #3: You see!

–1 train

Posted on July 4, 2025
Black People, Delis, Druggies, Family Ties, Hobos, Race, Subway stations, platforms, etc., White People, Women

Yes, and I Know It Like the Back of My Head

Guy #1: Frank was sneezing so loud I could hear him all the way inside.
Girl: Well, that explains the frown on the back of your face.
Guy #2: Do you even have a back of your face?

–Chambers Street station

Overheard by: James Q Wilson

Posted on June 28, 2025
Excretions, Girls, Guys, Illness, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Words

Except That The Jungle Is Natural

Gay Black guy #1: Oh my god, I sooo have jungle fever. Do I look good with him?
Gay Black guy #2: It’s so weird.
Gay Black guy #1: What, we don’t look good together?
Gay Black guy #2: No, yeah, it’s just that, he’s really white and you’re like, extra black, so it’s like really jungle fever.

–D train

Posted on June 5, 2025
Black People, Dating, On the Subway, Queers, Race, Subway stations, platforms, etc., White People

Wednesday One-liners Do Their Civic Duty

Guy: That’s crazy, man. That’s worse than crazy, that’s fucking psychotic! Seventy dollars for a fucking permit. Seventy, eighty dollars for a moving violation, that I understand. But seventy dollars for a fucking permit? The fucking well is running dry!

–Prospect Avenue station

Overheard by: Alison

Teen girl: Let’s order together but have them put it in separate bags. We’ll pay less tax that way.

–Wendy’s, Union Square

Overheard by: Nathan Kipe

Tourist:…no, really! The streets are so clean!

–24th & Broadway

Overheard by: Manhattman

Posted on May 6, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Guys, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Conceived While Mom Yelled “No” and Dad Yelled “Yes”

Guy: Yeah, they had the baby, named her Maybe, and–
Girl: Wait, they named her Maybe? As in M-A-Y-B-E?
Guy: Uh, yeah. Maybe. But I think it might be spelled differently.
Girl: That’s odd, really a weird baby name.
Guy: Yes, yes it is. But it’s sort of like, maybe she’s theirs, maybe she’s not.

–L train

Posted on April 24, 2025
Babies, Girls, Men, Names, On the Subway, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Stand Clear of the Closing Wednesday One-liners

Conductor: The way this train is moving you’d be better off on a bicycle. Next stop is Broadway-Lafayette, where transfer to the 6 is downtown only for reasons unknown.

–F train

Overheard by: Matt

Chick: Everybody at work lives in Park Slope. They have nicknames for the subway: N stands for Never, R stands for Rarely, and W for Whatever.

–Forbes Magazine gym, 5th Avenue

Conductor: There are bathrooms located in every other train car. And again, please don’t pee on the seats people.

–Metro-North train

Overheard by: Susie P

Conductor: This is the F train to Manhattan, next stop York St…by the way, you just missed your connection with the C train. When I miss my connection, it just makes me sick.

–F train

Overheard by: RMC

Posted on April 7, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Conductors, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Travel

Getting Directions (A NYC Short Story)

Blind man: Hi, can you tell me which way to the N/R line?
Asian dude: Uhh…that way.

–Atlantic Avenue station

Overheard by: JL

Posted on March 22, 2025
Asians, Directions, Public Transportation, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Straggling Home (A NYC Short Story)

Drunk: Miss, do you think I could sit next to you for a moment, just a moment, and you could smell me and tell me whether I smell like I’ve been drinking?
Girl: No.
Drunk: Why not?
Girl: Because I don’t want to have to smell anyone.
Drunk: Well fuck you too.

–168th Street station

Posted on March 8, 2025
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Scents of the City, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

“No, you should just get some Coke. Diet.”

Teen girl #1: Noooo! Getting your cooch pierced be a bad idea. You know how much that shit hurts?
Teen girl #2: No shit! That’s why I’m gonna be on E at the time. You think I’m stupid enough to do it sober?

–Columbus Circle station

Overheard by: Djlindee

Posted on January 18, 2025
Druggies, Drugs, Fashion, Girls, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Vagina

Next Summer: Three-Way Calling

Chick #1: She spent the whole summer blowing guys in the top bunk.
Chick #2: That’s gross.
Chick #1: Yeah, I woke up one morning and she was like, “I hope I didn’t keep you up with my fellatio”, and I was like, “No, I got a phone call and I don’t need to hear about your sex life.”

–2nd Avenue station

Overheard by: Wilsun Filups

Posted on January 9, 2025
BJs, Comebacks, Girls, Hootchies, Sex, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Time

Subway stations, platforms, etc.