Nice People

A sharply dressed woman offers a pair of gloves to a hobo: Sir, could you use these?
Hobo: Lady, you should know better. Those don’t match my outfit.

–23rd & 7th

(teenagers are packing into a crowded subway car where a tiny, ancient-looking bag lady is panhandling)
Woman trying to be helpful: Hey, hey, slow down, careful–there's an old lady you people are gonna knock down!
Bag lady, shouting irately: I'm not old, motherfucker!

–S Train

Overheard by: P. nut

Guy, bumping into girlfriend as bus lurches: Sorry baby, that’s gravity. I can’t help it, I’m physically attracted to you.

–M116 Bus

Overheard by: I hate the bus

Construction worker hitting on young girl: Hey baby, you are too cute to be so pretty!

–Allen & East Houston

Black bag seller to passerby: Hey sweetheart, you wanna buy a bag today? I’ll tell you what, you buy a bag and I’ll give you my number for free.

–33rd & Broadway

Man to teenage girls: Do you and your friends like to wrestle? I swear to god I could take you all.

–Times Square

Overheard by: yearbookie

Homie to friends: They say in the old days you couldn’t even holler at a woman cause she wouldn’t answer you.

–South Williamsburg

Overheard by: DanielXY

Homeless man to cute passerby: Nice knees.

–Central Park

An old woman is drumming up contributions for the SPCA.

Young Man: Good luck!
Old Woman: We don’t need luck, we need cooperation. Does Bush say good luck to the soldiers? No, he just sends in more troops! Come on! Don’t be a phony.

–Kinko’s, 20th St. and 6th Ave.

Overheard by: Lucian Piane

Hobo, carrying huge duffel bag: I need money to get to Boston to visit my son. Can anyone give me money?
Lady: Here’s 20 dollars for your ticket. Also, do you think you could run upstairs and get me a Snapple?
Hobo: Sure, lady. Thanks so much.

Hobo ditches duffel bag.

Lady, 20 minutes later: Well, I guess he’s not coming back!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: cynic

Hobo: Sir, can I trouble you for a cigarette?
Suit #1: Yeah no problem, man.
Hobo: Have a light, too?
Suit #1: Sure.
Hobo: Thanks, man… get the FUCK outta my face!
Suit #2: Only in NYC, man…

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Rob

Boyfriend: This song was in ‘Beavis and Butt-head do America’!
Girlfriend: Yeah?
Boyfriend: I love that movie … And I love you.

–Dunkin Donuts, 26th & 7th

Overheard by: Kai Nagai-Rothe

Man: Are you ok?
Woman: Oh, I’m not drunk, it’s these shoes.

–Marriott Marquis, Times Square

Construction guy: Can’t we move this line a little faster? This line isn’t moving anywhere. What’s with this line?
Lady: Here, you can go ahead of me.
Construction guy: I’m using humor, lady. This is just humor. I’m not serious here. [Gets in front of her in line.]

–4th St

Overheard by: the girl who fainted at Starbucks

Young girl: Ummm…sir, would you like some help with those directions?
Crazy dude: Yes! Thank you.
Young girl: So you have to take this train to 42nd…
Crazy dude: What I need to know is, do I have to be in the front of the train, or the back of the train, to get the shuttle?
Young girl: It doesn’t matter. You just ride this train to 42nd and you get off and look for the shuttle. It doesn’t matter which car you’re in.
Crazy dude: You see, I need to get my head fixed, and I need to know which car…
Conducter: Need some help?
Crazy dude: Yes, thank you. I need to get the shuttle at 42nd St. Do I have to be in the front of the train, or the back?
Conducter: In the middle.
Crazy dude: Thank you!

–A train