Wednesday Pick‐Up‐Liners

Guy, bumping into girlfriend as bus lurches: Sorry baby, that’s gravity. I can’t help it, I’m physically attracted to you.

–M116 Bus

Overheard by: I hate the bus

Construction worker hitting on young girl: Hey baby, you are too cute to be so pretty!

–Allen & East Houston

Black bag seller to passerby: Hey sweetheart, you wanna buy a bag today? I’ll tell you what, you buy a bag and I’ll give you my number for free.

–33^rd & Broadway

Man to teenage girls: Do you and your friends like to wrestle? I swear to god I could take you all.

–Times Square

Overheard by: yearbookie

Homie to friends: They say in the old days you couldn’t even holler at a woman cause she wouldn’t answer you.

–South Williamsburg

Overheard by: DanielXY

Homeless man to cute passerby: Nice knees.

–Central Park

Posted on August 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Beauty, Black People, Body Parts, Boyfriends, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Construction Guys, Friends, Gender issues, History & Geography, Hobos, Love, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nice People, Offers and requests, On the Bus, Orgy, Parks, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Relationships, Shopping, Street, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness, Williamsburg

The Ramblings of the Elderly

An old woman is drumming up contributions for the SPCA.

Young Man: Good luck!
Old Woman: We don’t need luck, we need cooperation. Does Bush say good luck to the soldiers? No, he just sends in more troops! Come on! Don’t be a phony.

–Kinko’s, 20^th St. and 6^th Ave.

Overheard by: Lucian Piane

Posted on August 2, 2015
Guys, Insults, Nice People, Old People, Politics, Store, Women

The Speed of Information Through Fat Is Drastically Reduced

Hobo, carrying huge duffel bag: I need money to get to Boston to visit my son. Can anyone give me money?
Lady: Here’s 20 dollars for your ticket. Also, do you think you could run upstairs and get me a Snapple?
Hobo: Sure, lady. Thanks so much.

Hobo ditches duffel bag.

Lady, 20 minutes later: Well, I guess he’s not coming back!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: cynic

Posted on July 27, 2015
Hobos, Liars, Lies, Money & Class, Nice People, Panhandling, Port Authority, Time, Women

His Mistake Was Leaning in for a Kiss

Hobo: Sir, can I trouble you for a cigarette?
Suit #1: Yeah no problem, man.
Hobo: Have a light, too?
Suit #1: Sure.
Hobo: Thanks, man… get the FUCK outta my face!
Suit #2: Only in NYC, man…

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Rob

Posted on July 25, 2015
Anger Management, Bryant Park, Etiquette, Hobos, Homeless, Nice People, Only in New York, Smoking, Suits

I Also Love Gravity Bongs and Our Lord Jesus Christ

Boyfriend: This song was in ‘Beavis and Butt‐head do America’!
Girlfriend: Yeah?
Boyfriend: I love that movie … And I love you.

–Dunkin Donuts, 26^th & 7^th

Overheard by: Kai Nagai‐Rothe

Posted on June 30, 2015
Boyfriends, Couples, Default, Girlfriends, Love, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Nice People, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes

Cinderella Y2K5

Man: Are you ok?
Woman: Oh, I’m not drunk, it’s these shoes.

–Marriott Marquis, Times Square

Posted on June 20, 2015
Drinking & Drunk People, Nice People, Shoes, Strangers, Times Square

What? My Long Line Jokes Kill at Caroline’s

Construction guy: Can’t we move this line a little faster? This line isn’t moving anywhere. What’s with this line?
Lady: Here, you can go ahead of me.
Construction guy: I’m using humor, lady. This is just humor. I’m not serious here. [Gets in front of her in line.]

–4^th St

Overheard by: the girl who fainted at Starbucks

Posted on June 18, 2015
Construction Guys, Duane Reade, Etiquette, Manhattan, Nice People, Store

Jonathan Winters is Playing Subway Cars Now?

Young girl: Ummm…sir, would you like some help with those directions?
Crazy dude: Yes! Thank you.
Young girl: So you have to take this train to 42^nd…
Crazy dude: What I need to know is, do I have to be in the front of the train, or the back of the train, to get the shuttle?
Young girl: It doesn’t matter. You just ride this train to 42^nd and you get off and look for the shuttle. It doesn’t matter which car you’re in.
Crazy dude: You see, I need to get my head fixed, and I need to know which car…
Conducter: Need some help?
Crazy dude: Yes, thank you. I need to get the shuttle at 42^nd St. Do I have to be in the front of the train, or the back?
Conducter: In the middle.
Crazy dude: Thank you!

–A train

Posted on June 1, 2015
Crazies, Directions, Nice People, On the Subway, Only in New York

Another Outburst and I’ll Clear the Powder Room

Security guy: Ma’am, please step into the back of the store.
Chick: But why?
Security guy: Don’t make this harder on yourself.
Chick: But why?
Shopgirl: They do make it harder on themselves, don’t they?
Chick: Fuck you!

–Sephora, Spring & Broadway

Posted on June 1, 2015
Assholes, Girls, Insults, Nice People, Questions, Security Guards, Store, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Thievery, Vendors & Street Performers

Do You Want to Have Surgery to Look Like George Clooney?

Man: So, whatever you want to do, I’ll do.
Woman: But…
Man: I’m fine doing whatever makes you happy.
Woman: But that’s stupid.

–Starbucks, 87^th & Lexington

Posted on May 25, 2015
Default, Happiness, Love, Men, Nice People, Offers and requests, Starbucks, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Women

Nice People