Crazy lady: They schtole my teef, too!
Hipster guy: Really? How did they get in there to take them?
–L train
Overheard by: emdashes
Crazy lady: They schtole my teef, too!
Hipster guy: Really? How did they get in there to take them?
–L train
Overheard by: emdashes
Crazy lady: I hate my fucking mother and I want to kill her. I want to watch her bleed. She is a fat lazy bitch. She was nothing but a container!
Guy: God will not forgive you if you kill your mother. Can you also keep it down please?
–PATH train
Overheard by: JMK
Woman: Oh my god, I love my cat. My cat is my reason for living. My cat is like a dog, only in cat form…
–34th & 8th
Hawker guy: AM New York! The rooster of newspapers! Find out why I’m a cock-a-doodle-do-ing!
–42nd & Lexington
Suit on cell: I can’t wait to get back to Boston. This town is like an elephant graveyard for my exes. Yeah, instead of elephants, all my exes come here to rest.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Matt Murdock
Girl: I hit a firefly driving up there and my windshield was all gooey, slimy and shiny…so I thought of you.
–Washington Square
Queer: Ohmigod, I thought that was the ugliest baby in the world, but it’s a bulldog.
–West 4th & Cornelia
Overheard by: Raphael
Girl: I’ve never been pooped on. At least not by a bird.
–71st & 1st
Guy: …yes, I’m going to put that in my octopus.
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Jenny + Pete
Girl: Whoa, it smells like hamster piss right here.
–1st & 1st
Teen boy: Man, next time I see him, it’s over. I’ll throw worms on his ass if I have to.
–Fordham Road
Crazy guy: Want to see my website? It’ll cost you. Want to see it? $100. Naw, you don’t have that sort of money. I need to jazz it up. It has pictures of dead animals on it.
–D train
Overheard by: Taybin Rutkin
Girl #1: He was a great cook.
Girl #2: All the lunatics are, my dear.
–Vermicelli, 78th & 2nd
Guy #1: That’s a cute dog.
Guy #2: Thanks, she’s my daughter.
Guy #1: …How is that possible?
Guy #2: Yeah, that’s right: I gave birth to her, she came out of my vagina.
–98th & 5th
Hobo: Oh shit, baboons. They might bite me. I gotta be careful!
–54th & 7th
Crazy lady: Of course, as you can see, there are Fiddlywumps in there, and that’s the number one sign that you should leave the area immediately.
–14th & 7th
Crazy man: You know how da fish swibbles as it follows da current on da waves? It’s a baddacudda outta control. Dat’s what happens in ya mind. Ya know, da mind waves?
–42nd & 6th
Wheeltard: I’m a fucking genius! I’m a fucking genius! Hitler was amazing, everyone hail Hitler!
–7th Avenue & Grove
Hobo: Man, I’m going to fuckin’ Hong Kong. I’m sick of dodging bullets every day.
–110th & Morningside Drive
Overheard by: Laird
Taxi driver: There’s too many fucking buses in this city! And they all empty! And now you going to go kill all the Arabs for the gas for the empty fucking buses!
–5th Avenue cab
Overheard by: Megan E.
Crazy guy: Geraldo Rivera and his army. Is his wife in there? Bring her too.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: KJD
Crackhead: I can’t get married because first they took the land from the Indians and then they tried to take money from the poor and eliminate races!
–40th & Park
Overheard by: Vanessa
Junk shop owner: No coffee?
Lady #1: We’ll have coffee tomorrow. Thursday.
Junk shop owner: Coffee at Starbucks is $5. Special coffee. Why don’t you go to your house, then your house, and your house?
Lady #2: Why don’t we come here?
Junk shop owner: You pick a date. I’ll sell you 4 chairs, $5.
Lady #2: What, you sit on them, they break?
Junk shop owner: We don’t sell chairs that break. How many people were in church? 10? I hear he’s gonna start counting how many people are going. What are they gonna do, close the church? Doesn’t anybody have a hook in the Father, know what’s going on?
Lady #1: Nobody goes anymore.
Junk shop owner: He has no activities for the people in the neighborhood! No card parties, no bingo…$150 per kid to make communion! Where the hell do you come off making a price like that?
Lady #2: I never heard of that.
Junk shop owner: Well, you heard it now.
–Carroll Gardens
Man on pay phone: Maria! I just got out of the doctor’s office. They told me I have herpes and I got them from you!
–34th Street station
Overheard by: Cristalle Stutrud
Woman: You wiped your nose with a tissue, held a tissue in the same hand, and then put your hands all over my papers. What’d you think I was going to do?
–Penn Station
Player: Yo, baby. New York’s a scary place. How about you hold my hand going down the street and make us both feel better?
–34th & 7th
Fat dude on cell: Girl, take that fucking dildo out of your pussy and talk to me!
–4th Street between 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Andrea Quijano
Fratboy: Zack is cool, until he starts grabbing my ass.
–Bensonhurst
Crazy man: You know what your problem is? You’re not drinking enough milk…from a penis!
–South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Victor Preuninger
Asian guy: She’s crazy. She’s obsessed with death!
Pudgy White guy: But she’s hot.
Black guy: So what?
Pudgy White guy: Yeah, she’s crazy…but she’s hot. They kind of balance each other out, you know?
–F train
Overheard by: emdashes
Boyfriend: What about kitty?
Girlfriend: Oh, I could eat kitty. No really, I could make a great stir-fry with the cat.
Boyfriend: You would eat my cat?
Girlfriend: Ah, that would be a great way to get at you: eat your cat.
–St. Mark’s Place
A white guy in a suit hangs from the center bar upside-down on a crowded train for about five stops.
Hobo: And you all think I’m crazy.
–6 train
Overheard by: paulybrklynny
