Wednesday One-liners & Missed Connections

Man on pay phone: Maria! I just got out of the doctor’s office. They told me I have herpes and I got them from you!

–34th Street station

Overheard by: Cristalle Stutrud

Woman: You wiped your nose with a tissue, held a tissue in the same hand, and then put your hands all over my papers. What’d you think I was going to do?

–Penn Station

Player: Yo, baby. New York’s a scary place. How about you hold my hand going down the street and make us both feel better?

–34th & 7th

Fat dude on cell: Girl, take that fucking dildo out of your pussy and talk to me!

–4th Street between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: Andrea Quijano

Fratboy: Zack is cool, until he starts grabbing my ass.

–Bensonhurst

Crazy man: You know what your problem is? You’re not drinking enough milk…from a penis!

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Victor Preuninger

Posted on July 3, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Crazies, Fat People, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Only in New York, Pick-up Lines, Private Parts, Relationships, Sex, STDs, Street

Crazy in the Head, Crazy in the Bed

Asian guy: She’s crazy. She’s obsessed with death!
Pudgy White guy: But she’s hot.
Black guy: So what?
Pudgy White guy: Yeah, she’s crazy…but she’s hot. They kind of balance each other out, you know?

–F train

Overheard by: emdashes

Boyfriend: What about kitty?
Girlfriend: Oh, I could eat kitty. No really, I could make a great stir-fry with the cat.
Boyfriend: You would eat my cat?
Girlfriend: Ah, that would be a great way to get at you: eat your cat.

–St. Mark’s Place

Posted on June 29, 2025
Animals & Nature, Asians, Beauty, Black People, Boyfriends, Crazies, Death, Ethnic Food, Food, Girlfriends, Manhattan, On the Subway, Relationships, Union Square and East Village, We Love Our Pets, White People

There’s No One-Lunatic-Per-Car Quota

A white guy in a suit hangs from the center bar upside-down on a crowded train for about five stops.

Hobo: And you all think I’m crazy.

–6 train

Overheard by: paulybrklynny

Posted on June 27, 2025
Crazies, Hobos, On the Subway, Only in New York

It Would Explain Why Her Hands Keep Shaking

Crazy lady: Excuse me. Listen, you got some of that witchcraft put on you.
Old lady: Uh huh, yeah.
Crazy lady: You gotta get that lifted, or those spirits, you know, they be comin’ at you, they be on you.
Old lady: Yes.
Crazy lady: All right, take care.

–M86 bus

Posted on June 26, 2025
Advice, Crazies, Old People, On the Bus, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Weirdness, Women

The Mayoral Contest in One Scene

A crazy man is walking around with headphones and a walkman trying to interview people, using the walkman as a microphone.

Crazy man: Who loves New York? I love New York! How about you…Who loves New York?

He holds the “mic” up to the guy.

Guy: Is this for ABC?
Crazy man: Fuck ABC, Fuck NBC, Fuck CBC. This is me. Who loves New York?

–31st & 6th

Overheard by: P. Mills

Posted on June 14, 2025
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Crazies, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, News, Only in New York, Talking/Convos, Weirdness

Jew Bashing Ain’t What It Used to Be

Crazy guy: They have millions of dollars! But they’re mongoloids! They have more money than New York City! But they’re mongoloids! Put it at the top of your list! They have more money than New York State! But they’re mongoloids!

–G train

Overheard by: Stephie Russell

Posted on April 2, 2025
Crazies, Money & Class, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Subway, One-liners

Shalom, Wednesday One-liners

Crazy Hasid: Who are the three greatest Jewish lawyers of all time? Roy Cohen, Roy Cohen, Roy Cohen, Johnny Cochran, Alan Dershowitz. Who are the three greatest doctors of all time? Dr. Dolittle, Dr. Dolittle, Dr. Dolittle, Alan Dershowitz.

–F train

Overheard by: bluesdog

Jewess on cell: You know, I love Great Neck, but I don’t know. I have to consider it. I’m not super Jewish and he’s not super Jewish. And you know how Jews are. They can be nice to non-Jews, but they can be caustic to other Jews.

–Union Square

Lady: I just don’t get smoking, or people who smoke…smoking and bacon; I don’t get it.

–UWS elevator

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Posted on March 13, 2025
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Crazies, Food, Health and Hygiene, JAPs, Jews, Judaism, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Notes from the New York Underground

The subway doors open. A hobo enters, holding a bottle of windex in one hand and a tube of toothpaste in the other.

Hobo: Which is the better time to read Dostyevsky? Winter?

He sprays the windex.

Hobo: Or Spring?

He squeezes toothpaste out of the tube.

Japanese girl: Spring!
Hobo: You are correct.

–F train

Overheard by: Pete Johnson

Posted on March 9, 2025
Books & Writing, Crazies, Girls, Hobos, Japanese, On the Subway, Questions, Time, Weirdness

NYers: Should People Eat Children?

Woman: Don’t let your personal freedoms infringe on other people’s rights!
Girl: Who is she talking to?…Holy shit, I love crazy people.

–40th & Broadway

Yuppie chick #1: Pork, it’s the other other white meat.
Yuppie chick #2: No you idiot, that’s baby. Pork is just the other white meat.

–Bryant Park

Posted on January 9, 2025
Crazies, Food, Union Square and East Village, Yuppies

Missing Pieces of Wednesday One-liners

Bald spot chick: I’m bipolar, depressed, and I have a personality disorder, but the doctor says if I quit pulling out my hair he’ll change me from twenty-four medicines to nineteen.

–Broadway & 51st

Woman: I don’t care how blind you are, you gotta cover your ears when that happens.

–23rd & 7th

Woman: There aren’t enough websites for club-thumbs on the internet.

–Midtown office

Posted on October 27, 2024
Crazies, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Psychology, Street, Women

Crazies