Someone Needs to Put That on a T-shirt

Queer: Want to apologize to everyone who you cut in front of?
Chick: Fuck you!
Queer: Ew! Well anyway, we hope you had a good time in there.
Chick: Fuck all of you!
Queer: You probably took a shit in there, didn’t you? I bet you did! Fat girls are always shitting!

–Slipper Room, Orchard Street

Guido on cell: Yeah, there was bitches dancin’ on the bar and shit…No, no, my fingers is cold…
Bag lady: Fuck your fingers! I ain’t got shoes on, ya dumb twink!

–48th & 8th

Overheard by: Fish the Magish

Dude: What about him?
Chick: “Oh, hell no. I ain’t no fattybanger!

–Union Square station

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Posted on May 16, 2020
Fat People, Guidos, Queers, Union Square and East Village

If I Said You Were Black Like Aunt Jemima, Would You Find That Offensive?

Large man: Girl… You is white.
Pale girl: No, I'm not.
Large man: No. You is white. Like Shirley Temple or Betty Crocker, or somethin.

–D Train

Overheard by: Tiffany Schleigh

Posted on April 26, 2020
About Celebrities, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Girls, Men, On the Subway, Race

Wednesday One-Liners? Kinky!

300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he's into that kinky downtown shit.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: bastardo

Loud upstate girl: I think…doin' any kinda research inta furries? You're in trouble.

–Hudson & Houston

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Hoochie: I mean, you gonna handcuff me, then handcuff me. But, you know, when I gotta go do my shit, I gotta go.

–1st St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: stephie

Curly-haired girl on cell: I've totally got a cold too! But I've also got bondage tape. And a cell phone activated vibrator.

–Ouidad salon

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Suit to another, while having lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from behind.

–Central Park

Guy at table: You know, she's a quality girl, even when I was in handcuffs, I could tell that she was a quality girl.

–Carnegie Deli

Overheard by: Spazz

Posted on March 27, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Backdoor, Body Parts, Cell Phone, Central Park, Delis, Dildos and Vibrators, Fat People, Girls, Guys, Hootchies, Illness, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Questions, S&M, Soho, Suits, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Weirdness

She Had a Case of the Sundaes

Guy #1: Yo, I can’t believe that girl played you like that!
Guy #2: I know, I did everything for her.
Woman: Oh, no! Does somebody have a case of the Mondays?
Guy #2: Shut up, Miss Piggy.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: J. Hudson

Posted on February 26, 2020
Fat People, Penn Station, People, Relationships

Wednesday One-Liners– As Far As You Know

Man on cell, coming out of The Dark Knight: I'm sorry that I couldn't pick up your call, I was in a very important meeting with a client.

–Lowes Movie Theater, 68th & Broadway

Guy on cell walking out of subway entrance: I'm getting on the subway now.

–Park Place & Church Street

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Female suit on cell: Well, I can't talk long, I'm about to get on a plane. Yeah, JFK.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: pop pop

Overweight woman to daughter in pink tutu: You made me come here! Don't lie! Don't lie! Don't lie!

–Ikea, Redhook

Overheard by: Emily B.

Annoying anchor: I'm writing a newscast. I don't have time to check facts.

–CBS News Headquarters, 57th St

Overheard by: The Shadow News Bunny

Posted on December 31, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Battery Park, Buildings, Fat People, Jobs & Careers, Lies, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Movie Theaters, Not New York, On Cell, Public Transportation, Store, Suits, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

They Met at the USPS

Fat Slob: I think I love you, babe. Ooh, that tattoo is cute. “Rot in Peace.”

–Post Office, Bensonhurst

Posted on November 13, 2019
Fat People, Love, Not New York, Tattoos

But I’m a Sucker for Anything Involving Kittens

Large black guy #1: Yo, check out that chick’s earrings.
Large black guy #2: Damn, they even match her outfit.
Large black guy #1: That’s, like, a whole new level of matching.
Large black guy #2, to girl: Yo, did you make those?
Girl: No, my sister did.
Large black guy #2: I reeeally like those.

–1 train

Overheard by: i like them too

Posted on November 11, 2019
Black People, Compliments, Default, Fashion, Fat People, Girls, Gripes, On the Subway

Times Were Tough for Fezzik After the Flash in the pan of ‘The Princess Bride’

Fat bouncer #1: Where the fuck is there a bagel store around here?
Fat bouncer #2: Umm… Bagels are delicious. Hey, maybe they have knishes. That rhymed!
Fat bouncer #1: You make no fucking sense.

–The Knitting Factory

Overheard by: hjane

Posted on July 29, 2019
Bouncers, Fat People, Food, Lower Manhattan

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day.

–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn

Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.

–Henri Bendel

Overheard by: Stephan Dion

Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.

–Fashion Institute of Technology

Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: ednapontellier

Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.

–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place

Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?

–Broadway & 50th St

Overheard by: Peter

Posted on July 5, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clerks, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Fitness, Friends, Girls, Height, Kids, Masturbation, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Fat People