Smell My Wednesday One-Liners! Smell Them!

Guy to friend: Remember that chick I told you about who told me that I could smell her cum?

–City Hall New York Sports Club

Latina girl on cell: Didn't Nick get you that phone? (pause) No, not really… (pause) Cause I'm spoiled. (pause) That's not true, I spoil you, boy… I got you that perfume. It smells real nice, actually not that nice. It smells like granny… It smells like abuelita!

–Union Square

Teeny Asian lady on cell, screaming at the top of her lungs: Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it! Sniff it!

–23rd St

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something hipster girl to friend, after running to catch the subway: I think this is the r… It smells like the r.

–R Train

20-something girl to friend: You smell good, but I smell better.

–Bond St

Posted on April 21, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Asians, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cum, Family Ties, Friends, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Latinos, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Oh Dude, I Am No Judge

Guy #1: I like her, but her personality is a bit blah…
Guy #2: She has a hot body, though.
Guy #1: Yeah, but you know who else has a hot body?
Guy #2: Me?

–University Place

Posted on September 10, 2009
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Beauty, Guys, Physical appearance, Questions, Union Square and East Village

…When You Stop Hanging Around With Me

Girl #1: What did your astrologer say?
Girl #2: She said I will meet my husband in the next year. He's 6'4″ with salt-and-pepper hair. He has a title but he's not lawyer.
Girl #1: Yeah…and he's a billionaire?
Girl #2: He's not a billionaire but he does well for himself. Oh, also he's French but he speaks seven languages.
Girl #2: Did she say anything about me?
Girl #1: She said your life is gonna go from shitty to alright.

–Holiday Cocktail Lounge, St Mark's & 2nd

Overheard by: wax

Posted on May 17, 2009
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Bars & Clubs, Foreigners, Girls, Hair, Height, Jobs & Careers, Languages, Marriage, Money & Class, Physical appearance, Psychic, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Wish They Could Marry Themselves

20-something, beating his chest and coughing: John, don't die…you're too young, you're too beautiful, the world needs you to stay alive!

–55th & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Girl on phone: I just don't see why he doesn't want to do me.

–NYU

Lab assistant on phone: I mean, I love the way I look. And they way I talk…well, that's fine. But that laugh? Dear god.

–NYU Computer Lab

Overheard by: meli$$a

Man on cell: So that's it? You're genetically superior to her, case closed?

–5th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: Prof. Creepyhugz

Tall black guy to shorter, buff black guy: It's not about your looks or the way you're built: you've got charisma, you've got something that draws people to you. I know because I've got it too.

–Planet Sushi, Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: Suze V

Female student, walking in: Okay! The princess is back and she feels ten pounds lighter!

–Borough Manhattan Community College Computer Lab

Overheard by: Steve

Posted on March 25, 2009
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Beauty, Black People, College, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Death, Diet/Weight, Girls, Guys, Laughter, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sex, Street, Students, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Only One? Pussy.

Girl, scratching her arm: I have a bug bite; it itches.
Guy: You think that's bad? I have a genital wart.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Fox

Posted on March 14, 2009
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insects, Private Parts, STDs

Watch Me Pull a Rabbit Out Of It!

Guy to friend: Hey, did you notice that after every time you got on this (points to self) you end up with a boyfriend?
Girl: What? Oh man, you're right! It's like you have a magic pee-pee!
Guy: Yeah.

–Penn Station

Posted on February 17, 2009
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Compliments, Friends, Girls, Guys, Magic, Penn Station, Relationships

Photo Grade Paper, or Did You Cheap Out on Me?

Waiter: Yeah, that's just because you're obsessed with me.
Bartender, sarcastically: Oh, yeah, right–I'm totally obsessed with you. I went to your Facebook page and downloaded all the pictures of you on there and printed them out and put them up on my wall so I could have a collage.
Waiter: That was oddly specific.

–Lounge, Don't Tell Mama

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on February 16, 2009
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Baristas, Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Facebook, Physical appearance, Pictures

Wednesday One-Liners Wear Their Neighborhoodies Proudly

Snooty middle-aged woman to gaggle of friends: I don't care about the rest of the city, I only care about my street.

–NoHo

Overheard by: me too

Middle-aged white guy to receptionist: I am glad to be out of the old neighborhood, though. Not that I am prejudiced, but the Hassidim, I just don't like them!

–Dentist Office, Carroll Gardens

Suit: I mean, he lives on 86th Street. That's just generic land!

–L Train

Girl (loudly to friends): No, that's Bushwick. We don't want to get off there! It's really shi… (glances around nervously at people who are now looking at her) I had…a shitty… experience in Bushwick.

–L Train

Overheard by: Rebecca

Hipster guy: And look out, cuz Williamsburg's still hood, dude!

–23rd St & 8th St

Overheard by: alex

Posted on November 19, 2008
9 to 5-ers, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Judaism, Men, Office, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Race, Suits, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women

…Oh– Hi, Mom

Bus driver: We have no more room on this bus. There is another right behind me.
Angry black woman in line: Let me on!
Bus driver: Look, lady, there is no room on this bus!
Angry black woman: You won't let me on because I'm black!
Black teen: It's not because you black, nigga, it's because you a stupid selfish motherfucka.

–M14 Bus

Overheard by: Student Teacher