When the Octopus Mates

Chick on cell: Dan and I hit it off so great! We were sitting there on opposite ends of the couch and our feet were all intertwined, and I paused and just was like, ‘Look at us! It’s like we’ve known each other for ages!’ … Well, I’m thinking of asking him to get his DNA checked to see if we’re compatible. ‘Cause, you know, I want someone compatible. I wonder what his genealogical lines are. I told him that I was crazy, though, and that I was gonna ask. It’s just great that he’s willing to do it. It’s good that he knows I’ll be in control of everything.

–Plane leaving LaGuardia

Overheard by: Cassandra

Posted on March 17, 2016
Always Bringing it Back to You!, At the Airport, Dating, LaGuardia Airport, Queens, Sex & Relationships

Wednesday’s Gonna Have a Little One‐Liner

Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your irrational pregnancy!

–Grand Central

Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I’m not even pregnant!

–TGI Fridays

Overheard by: Sara

Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts!

–8^th & Broadway

Overheard by: Hannah

Female security guard to friend: I don’t think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex.

–Duane Reade, 23^rd & 6^th

Overheard by: jmike

Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I’m pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time!

–96^th St station

Overheard by: Kind of Confused

20‐something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Posted on February 25, 2016
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Columbia (& Barnard), Crime and Punishment, Duane Reade, Frat Boys, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Grand Central, On Cell, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Rack, Restaurants & Cafes, Security Guards, Sex, Students, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Tweens, Weirdness, Women

When You’re Self‐absorbed, Every Day is a Celebration

Girl #1: Happy birthday, Mira!
Girl #2: Happy birthday! Yay, it’s my birthday too!…in August.

–L’Orange Bleue, Broome Street

Overheard by: Sasha Vaughan

Posted on February 16, 2016
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Birthdays, Girls, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Time

See My “I’m a Dick” Cufflinks?

High school teen: Excuse me, do you know where the F train is?
Rich suit: Yeah…you can probably tell that I don’t take the subway.

–Union Square

Overheard by: you’re probably sleazy too

Posted on September 24, 2015
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Assholes, Default, Money & Class, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions, Rich people, Suits, Teens, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One‐liners Think They’re All That

Guy on cell: She goes to school in Pittsburgh. She’s second rate. We go to school in New York. We know who we are.

–Astor Place

Guy on cell: No, no. We only look down on people we’re helping.

–Broadway & Fulton

Wet dude: I should not have to walk in the rain! I am a very important person!

–71^st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills

Posted on July 18, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Guys, On Cell, Only in New York, School and studying, Wednesday One-Liners

Like When You’re Asleep?

Guidette to friend: Like, I’m a really good friend, y’know, because I like to listen to people. Like, so many people aren’t good friends because they don’t wanna listen, but I listen to people, y’know?
Friend: Really, it’s like–
Guidette, cutting her off: –I know, some people just don’t listen, but I’m such a good friend because I love listening, and I’m a good listener…

–Lexington Ave station

Overheard by: Bridgettttttt

Posted on July 1, 2015
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Guidettes, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Self‐absorbed or Stupid?

Girl #1: I don’t know what I’m going to do next year. I really want to study abroad.
Girl #2: Yeah, I’m going to this gallery in Queens next week.

–NYU elevator

Overheard by: Alex Pareene

Posted on June 25, 2015
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Arts & Letters, Elevators, Girls, School, Students, Travel

Wednesday One‐Liners Have the Rainbow Connection

Gay man: Now that everything is lesbian, bi and transgender, I don’t know if I can lead the committee anymore, ’cause I’ve got my gay male privilege.

–W 13^th St

Man with clipboard: Do you have a moment for gay rights? (silence) C’mon, help support the people that made your clothes!

–10^th St & 5^th Ave

Overheard by: You mean 10‐year olds in Honduras?

Thug teenage dad, about baby staring at effeminate Asian man: Oh shit, she’s already got her gaydar on.

–4 Train

Chick to friends: I would be like the sluttiest gay guy and it would be totally awesome.

–Christopher St

Man: …and you know there are a ton of gays who have no problem taking it straight up the ass.

–Times Square

11‐year‐old thuggish boy: No homo, but he looks better than his sister.

–Bronx Playground

Black guy: I’m gay! I’m proud! I’m in the front seat! I’m gay! I’m proud! I’m in the front seat! I love guys!

–Union St & 8^th Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on May 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Babies, Backdoor, Beauty, Black People, Boys, Brooklyn, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Dads, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Queer guys, Sexuality, Teens, The Bronx, The Village, Thugs, Times Square, Trannies, Tweens, West Village, Wishes & desires

Summer‐Weight Wednesday One‐Liners

Suit: They should just go ahead and make January a month already. Officially, I mean.

–49^th & 5^th

Overheard by: Jeremy Tortora

Suit on cell: I think the picture for the cover of the annual report should be me and you bent over a table, and John Smith* standing behind us, gloating.

–68^th & Broadway

Suit on cell: He’s not hallucinating. He’s just realized that he’s allergic to polyester.

–125^th St Metro North platform

Overheard by: Thatsoundsaboutright

Suit on cell: Yeah, he accidentally put his thumb through a two hundred million dollar…

–W 12^th & Greenwich Ave

Overheard by: Wang

Suit on cell: No, listen to me! You cannot call that ‘fluff.’ You call that ‘fluff,’ both you and me will go to jail.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Erin

Tall, lanky white suit: And he was all, ‘Jibba‐jabba, jibba‐jabba, jibba‐jabba…’ Ya know?

–Starbucks, Beaver St

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Suit in rain, splashed by crazy, honking cabbie: Whoa! Fucking lunatic! … Well, at least now you can’t tell I just fucking pissed myself! Asshole!

–67^th & Columbus

Overheard by: morgan

Posted on May 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Suits, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

You Should See How I Dance in My Music Video!

Blond chick: I think, like, great artists are always awkward.
Random Indian guy: I’m not awkward.

–Bleecker b/w 6^th & 7^th Ave

Overheard by: catsandgnomes

Posted on April 9, 2015
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Arts & Letters, Girls, India Indians, The Village

Always Bringing it Back to You!