Hipster #1: Hey, how are you?
Hipster #2: Shh! Don’t talk to me now, I’m busy making love to my coffee.
–Houston & West Broadway
Overheard by: Lillian Goldstein
Hipster #1: Hey, how are you?
Hipster #2: Shh! Don’t talk to me now, I’m busy making love to my coffee.
–Houston & West Broadway
Overheard by: Lillian Goldstein
Girl: Stop staring, pervert.
Guy: You ain’t all that hot.
Girl: I am not a hamburger! You can’t eat me!
–3 train
Overheard by: Jose
Woman: I stopped smoking six months ago, and now I’m lubricating so much better. I’m always wet at the right time.
–Lexington & 55th Deli
Guy: Is it raining?
Girl: No.
Guy: Then why the fuck am I getting wet?
Girl: Because it’s drizzling.
–Coney Island
Overheard by: Gradie Smith
Guy #1: She says she usually needs to make out for like a half hour before she starts to get wet.
Guy #2: You should just use your spit.
–2nd Avenue station
Overheard by: J.
Lesbian #1: Huh. There seems to be a disproportionate number of queers around here.
Lesbian #2: Darling, we’re on Christopher Street.
–Christopher Street
Boy: Mom, I want gadgets!
Mother: No, Trevor. Not those gadgets.
–Christopher Street
Thug #1: Why would I pay $170 for new Jordans, when I can pay $250 for a pair of Pradas?
Thug #2: I hear dat.
Thug #1: Plus I’m sure to get more ass in Pradas.
–JFK Airtrain
Overheard by: les koh
Latin guy: What are you staring at?
White guy: I can’t get over how beautiful the bartender is. Look at her, she looks like a movie star.
Latin guy: That’s a guy.
White guy: I know.
–The Stonewall, Christopher Street
Chick on cell: Yo, I’m going to that gay parade, those people are doin’ it. Those boys be makin’ each other cum.
–Target, Atlantic Avenue
Guy: I got both, bitch! I got a pussy and a dick!
–6th Avenue & 9th Street
Chick: He was my rag guy! What am I going to do now? I’m gonna dry up. If you stick your ear up to my vagina you’re going to hear the fucking desert like it’s a seashell.
–43rd & 5th
Overheard by: James Wilson
Burkha woman: …when you remove a man’s genitals, it’s a sin.
–Port Authority
Guy on cell: I’m busy. I’m getting my dick sucked right now.
–4 train
Overheard by: LatiE
Guy: It wasn’t till I started college that I realized they had botched the circumcision. We had all just flopped them out and I was like, “Dude, what is wrong with yours?”, and they were like, “No man, it’s you, what the fuck happened to you? It looks like the fucking rings of saturn.”
–38th & 3rd
Suit: If you’re a dick you can do anything.
–Maiden Lane & Pearl Street
Overheard by: SKG
Man on cell: So I was trying to take a pee and she kept talking to me, so then my dick got hard and I couldn’t pee.
–25th & 5th
Overheard by: Ian Wheeler-Nicholson
Lady on cell: He’s a hermaphrodite…he was born that way…his grandparents, thats why. Genetic mutations and stuff.
–50th & Madison
Chick: But he has a pierced dick! They don’t sell that shit in stores!
–SI party
Overheard by: Rebecca Dash
Hipster: I have so many friends in their 20s who are still virgins! Is “virgin” the new pink?
–6 train
Hobo: Listen up! I’m not here to beg or ask for money. I’m here to tell you that a flashlight like this one could save your life. There are no promises! Be prepared! Always carry a flashlight and water!
–6 train
Girlfriend: …and no more talking about economics when you are inside of me…
–6 train
Overheard by: A
Dude: I really need a second job.
Chick: You should post on craigslist or something.
Dude: Yeah, right. “WILL DO ANYTHING”.
Chick: Whoa, no, don’t say that. Soon you’ll have two cocks in your mouth and one in your ear.
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Peter
Man on pay phone: Maria! I just got out of the doctor’s office. They told me I have herpes and I got them from you!
–34th Street station
Overheard by: Cristalle Stutrud
Woman: You wiped your nose with a tissue, held a tissue in the same hand, and then put your hands all over my papers. What’d you think I was going to do?
–Penn Station
Player: Yo, baby. New York’s a scary place. How about you hold my hand going down the street and make us both feel better?
–34th & 7th
Fat dude on cell: Girl, take that fucking dildo out of your pussy and talk to me!
–4th Street between 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Andrea Quijano
Fratboy: Zack is cool, until he starts grabbing my ass.
–Bensonhurst
Crazy man: You know what your problem is? You’re not drinking enough milk…from a penis!
–South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Victor Preuninger
Teen girl: Yeah, and then I woke up in a pool of his vomit. It was awesome.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: SammyCat
Construction worker on cell: Yeah, she walked right in…Man, I was friggin’ jerking off!…No. She stayed and watched…Of course I’m calling her again.
–53rd & Lexington
Man on cell: She and I both got diarrhea at 11:00 exactly. I mean, we’re like E.T. and Elliot.
–20th & 5th
Girl on cell: I’m telling you, watching my boyfriend get head was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen!
–F train
Overheard by: seraphina
Guy #1: So what happened with you and Liz?
Guy #2: We broke up last week.
Guy #1: For good this time?
Guy #2: Yeah, well, I told her to go get fucked, and apparently that’s just what she did.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ted Stickels
