Hipster: I have so many friends in their 20s who are still virgins! Is “virgin” the new pink?
–6 train
Hobo: Listen up! I’m not here to beg or ask for money. I’m here to tell you that a flashlight like this one could save your life. There are no promises! Be prepared! Always carry a flashlight and water!
–6 train
Girlfriend: …and no more talking about economics when you are inside of me…
–6 train
Overheard by: A
Dude: I really need a second job.
Chick: You should post on craigslist or something.
Dude: Yeah, right. “WILL DO ANYTHING”.
Chick: Whoa, no, don’t say that. Soon you’ll have two cocks in your mouth and one in your ear.
–23rd & 6th
Overheard by: Peter
Man on pay phone: Maria! I just got out of the doctor’s office. They told me I have herpes and I got them from you!
–34th Street station
Overheard by: Cristalle Stutrud
Woman: You wiped your nose with a tissue, held a tissue in the same hand, and then put your hands all over my papers. What’d you think I was going to do?
–Penn Station
Player: Yo, baby. New York’s a scary place. How about you hold my hand going down the street and make us both feel better?
–34th & 7th
Fat dude on cell: Girl, take that fucking dildo out of your pussy and talk to me!
–4th Street between 1st & 2nd
Overheard by: Andrea Quijano
Fratboy: Zack is cool, until he starts grabbing my ass.
–Bensonhurst
Crazy man: You know what your problem is? You’re not drinking enough milk…from a penis!
–South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Victor Preuninger
Teen girl: Yeah, and then I woke up in a pool of his vomit. It was awesome.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: SammyCat
Construction worker on cell: Yeah, she walked right in…Man, I was friggin’ jerking off!…No. She stayed and watched…Of course I’m calling her again.
–53rd & Lexington
Man on cell: She and I both got diarrhea at 11:00 exactly. I mean, we’re like E.T. and Elliot.
–20th & 5th
Girl on cell: I’m telling you, watching my boyfriend get head was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen!
–F train
Overheard by: seraphina
Guy #1: So what happened with you and Liz?
Guy #2: We broke up last week.
Guy #1: For good this time?
Guy #2: Yeah, well, I told her to go get fucked, and apparently that’s just what she did.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ted Stickels
Woman: …and he wanted to break up with me so badly, he was like,
“Here, I’ll buy you an apartment!”
–Central Park sailboat pond
Overheard by: Sarahvb
Teen chick: I wouldn’t want to get married because it takes so long to get a divorce!
–Rockefeller Park
Russian lady: Ya…my mother was lucky. Not many women divorce lawyers.
–6 train
Lady: Come on, since my fucking boyfriend is a fucking crack head, we are fucking gonna pick up some guys tonight.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Julia Wright
Girl: I’m getting kind of tired of him. He used to be the kind of guy you could go out with and never have to talk.
–6 train
Guy on cell: …so I can fuck her, but I can’t marry her. See she’s Orthodox, but not Orthodox enough.
–Duane Reade, 51st & 3rd
Overheard by: Aryeh Jasper
Chick on cell: Honey, your boyfriend isn’t a boyfriend. He’s, like, a boyfriend-substitute…He’s, like, the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter of boyfriends.
–Times Square
Overheard by: djlindee
Guy: Why didn’t you want to tell my mom what you’re studying in school?
Girl: What was I supposed to do, say, “I study sexuality and your son is homework” and drag you by the arm into the bedroom? I don’t want her thinking I’m some kind of hussy who only uses people for sex as part of her doctoral research.
Guy: Actually, she would’ve been fine with that.
–Mott & Grand
Overheard by: Djlindee
Chick on cell: …It was the worst. First of all, he have a big dick. And to make things worse, he did not know how to fuck…I mean, come on, what the hell is that all about?…Uh huh, yeah, you are probably right…and another thing he couldn’t fit…I guess my pussy was too small or something…yeah, uh huh, I don’t think so. It’s not worth the trouble. Would you go back?…Exactly.
–Time Square
Overheard by: Jada
Woman #1: All of a sudden I see her jump on top of the kid and start humping her!
Woman #2: Oh God!
Woman #1: Yeah, and they’s only 5 years old! So I pull them apart and ask her why she was doing that to her.
Woman #2: And what did she say?
Woman #1: She said, “I saw my mommy doing it with her friend only her panties were on the floor.”
–Forever 21, Union Square
Overheard by: mousie
Tall woman on cell: …there’s something I haven’t told you too: I’ve been sleeping with hundreds of women all this time!
–4th Ave. & 10th St.
Guy: Dude, who needs a date when you’ve got a vagina?
–8th & University
Overheard by: Chitin
Chick on cell: He said I’m high maintenance. I am not high maintenance…I’m crazy, but I’m not high maintenance.
–Uncle Ming’s, Avenue B
Overheard by: djlindee
