Sex

Not Quite a Match with Wednesday One-liners

Guy: Oh, excuse me!…Want to make out?

–Centre & Chambers

Overheard by: Chris

Older man: …so they served these smaller things, like appetizers, in between the three main courses. You know how many they gave us? Four! There were four intercourses…

–West 53 Street office

Girl on cell: He shoots dope and smokes crack! I can’t think of a worse person for you to sleep with!…well, yeah, I guess…

–81st & Madison

Girl: I’d blow him every day if he’d let me drive his beamer more.

–Sheep’s Meadow

Tween girl: Shit, if I were 21, and he was like, “Yo, do you want some
beer?”, I’d be like, “Shit, only if you got a hotel room.” ’cause then
we could, like, go in it.

–Starbucks, 34th & 7th

Overheard by: marissa

Daily News guy: …and I said, “Just take me now, bitch!”

–Bar 288, Elizabeth Street

DMV guy: Who’s here for oral? Did anyone in this line sign up for oral?

–DMV, Atlantic Avenue Center

Overheard by: RMC

She Didn’t Mean Height

Girl: I’d fuck a big midget.
Guy: A big midget is a normal person.

–St. Mark’s between 1st & A

Overheard by: Lindsay

Ah! It Burns! It Burns! (No Cream?)

Hipster #1: Hey, how are you?
Hipster #2: Shh! Don’t talk to me now, I’m busy making love to my coffee.

–Houston & West Broadway

Overheard by: Lillian Goldstein

Especially Not While She’s Rare

Girl: Stop staring, pervert.
Guy: You ain’t all that hot.
Girl: I am not a hamburger! You can’t eat me!

–3 train

Overheard by: Jose

I Guess Water is for Pussies

Woman: I stopped smoking six months ago, and now I’m lubricating so much better. I’m always wet at the right time.

–Lexington & 55th Deli

Guy: Is it raining?
Girl: No.
Guy: Then why the fuck am I getting wet?
Girl: Because it’s drizzling.

–Coney Island

Overheard by: Gradie Smith

Guy #1: She says she usually needs to make out for like a half hour before she starts to get wet.
Guy #2: You should just use your spit.

–2nd Avenue station

Overheard by: J.

Happy Sodom & Gomorrah Day, New York!

Lesbian #1: Huh. There seems to be a disproportionate number of queers around here.
Lesbian #2: Darling, we’re on Christopher Street.

–Christopher Street

Boy: Mom, I want gadgets!
Mother: No, Trevor. Not those gadgets.

–Christopher Street

Thug #1: Why would I pay $170 for new Jordans, when I can pay $250 for a pair of Pradas?
Thug #2: I hear dat.
Thug #1: Plus I’m sure to get more ass in Pradas.

–JFK Airtrain

Overheard by: les koh

Latin guy: What are you staring at?
White guy: I can’t get over how beautiful the bartender is. Look at her, she looks like a movie star.
Latin guy: That’s a guy.
White guy: I know.

–The Stonewall, Christopher Street

Chick on cell: Yo, I’m going to that gay parade, those people are doin’ it. Those boys be makin’ each other cum.

–Target, Atlantic Avenue

Wednesday One-liners are a Special Area

Guy: I got both, bitch! I got a pussy and a dick!

–6th Avenue & 9th Street

Chick: He was my rag guy! What am I going to do now? I’m gonna dry up. If you stick your ear up to my vagina you’re going to hear the fucking desert like it’s a seashell.

–43rd & 5th

Overheard by: James Wilson

Burkha woman: …when you remove a man’s genitals, it’s a sin.

–Port Authority

Guy on cell: I’m busy. I’m getting my dick sucked right now.

–4 train

Overheard by: LatiE

Guy: It wasn’t till I started college that I realized they had botched the circumcision. We had all just flopped them out and I was like, “Dude, what is wrong with yours?”, and they were like, “No man, it’s you, what the fuck happened to you? It looks like the fucking rings of saturn.”

–38th & 3rd

Suit: If you’re a dick you can do anything.

–Maiden Lane & Pearl Street

Overheard by: SKG

Man on cell: So I was trying to take a pee and she kept talking to me, so then my dick got hard and I couldn’t pee.

–25th & 5th

Overheard by: Ian Wheeler-Nicholson

Lady on cell: He’s a hermaphrodite…he was born that way…his grandparents, thats why. Genetic mutations and stuff.

–50th & Madison

Chick: But he has a pierced dick! They don’t sell that shit in stores!

–SI party

Overheard by: Rebecca Dash

Wednesday One-liners Get on the 6

Hipster: I have so many friends in their 20s who are still virgins! Is “virgin” the new pink?

–6 train

Hobo: Listen up! I’m not here to beg or ask for money. I’m here to tell you that a flashlight like this one could save your life. There are no promises! Be prepared! Always carry a flashlight and water!

–6 train

Girlfriend: …and no more talking about economics when you are inside of me…

–6 train

Overheard by: A

If It’s in His Ear, That’s a Missed Connection

Dude: I really need a second job.
Chick: You should post on craigslist or something.
Dude: Yeah, right. “WILL DO ANYTHING”.
Chick: Whoa, no, don’t say that. Soon you’ll have two cocks in your mouth and one in your ear.

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Peter

Wednesday One-liners & Missed Connections

Man on pay phone: Maria! I just got out of the doctor’s office. They told me I have herpes and I got them from you!

–34th Street station

Overheard by: Cristalle Stutrud

Woman: You wiped your nose with a tissue, held a tissue in the same hand, and then put your hands all over my papers. What’d you think I was going to do?

–Penn Station

Player: Yo, baby. New York’s a scary place. How about you hold my hand going down the street and make us both feel better?

–34th & 7th

Fat dude on cell: Girl, take that fucking dildo out of your pussy and talk to me!

–4th Street between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: Andrea Quijano

Fratboy: Zack is cool, until he starts grabbing my ass.

–Bensonhurst

Crazy man: You know what your problem is? You’re not drinking enough milk…from a penis!

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Victor Preuninger

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