Not in the Face, Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: You keep talking over me–it makes me want to punch you in the uterus.

–Ray's Pizza, 52 & 8th

Overheard by: Jarett

Guy to friend: You keep referring to me as "that guy" and we'll see how long you stay conscious.

–33rd & 7th

Nervous man seated against the wall: I don't like this seat. I don't like sitting here. I like to sit on the aisle. What if there's a fight? I don't want to be trapped in a place with a fight.

–Off-Broadway Theatre

Overheard by: Hannah

Ghetto chick: Can't you get somebody else to fuck him up? Why you gotta do it?

–W Train

Overheard by: sara n.

Man: He was trying to turn his alcoholism into a positive thing instead of attacking the guy who raped his sister.

–The Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: Slightly confused, yet intrigued…

Girl on cell: Remember that time you got into a fight with an inch worm?

–Chambers St

Overheard by: Shooty

Posted on September 22, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Fighting and ass kicking, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Insects, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Punch, Questions, Rape, Sex, Store, Street, Theater, Threats, Violence, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Words

Wednesday One-liners, the Morning After

Chick on cell: I just fell asleep! It’s not like I’m seeing other people.

–42nd & 5th

Overheard by: Cresny

Chick: You told me you was a celebrity! I sucked yo dick!

–Union Square

Chick: I’m no whore. I told him, the closest you’re getting to getting me from behind, you know, doggie style, is licking your own balls and humping my leg.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: stuck in great kills

Posted on September 16, 2022
BJs, Body Parts, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, One-liners, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Staten Island Ferry, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Quite the Fucking Contrary

Angsty chick: I’m so tired of fucking… chicken broccoli bake.
Chill gal pal: Fucking? Sex on the mind?
Angsty chick: I’m not going to change my vocabulary just because I had an experience!

–6 train

Overheard by: i hope you read this

Posted on August 28, 2022
Food, Girls, On the Subway, Sex, Words

But Now That You Mention It…

Girl: I really wish we had stayed. I totally would have waited in the rain and gotten wet for Beyoncé.
Guy: I didn’t know you were into chicks.
Girl: Wet from the rain, you jackass.

–Times Square

Posted on August 21, 2022
A-List, About Celebrities, Celebrities, Getting Off, Girl-on-Girl, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Pop Culture, Sex, Times Square

My New Wife, Wednesday One-liners

Guy: Man, you think Lee Harvey Oswald had good aim? You should meet my wife.

–B train

Overheard by: Jess Issacharoff

Woman: Her bridal shower was her sweet sixteen.

–F train

Queer on cell: Hi, Sweetie!…What? You got married? But honey, you’re gay!

–63rd & 3rd

Chick on cell: So did I tell you about the e-mail I got? This guy I met on-line, on Nerve–we went out on like three dates, like a year and a half ago. Yeah, so I got an e-mail from his wife and she was like, “Yo bitch, stay away from my husband.” So I wrote back, “Don’t e-mail me, e-mail your husband who’s been cheating on you for two fucking years.”

–33rd & Park

Teen girl: Yeah, he’s really lonely since his wife died 3 years ago. Now his best friend is his right hand and some skin lotion.

–Park Slope

Guy: Hey, how’s my wife and your kids?

–55th & Madison

Overheard by: Matt

Man on cell: I ain’t trying to see you nothin’. I want to marry you. I’m tellin you the truth. T-R-U-F-F. The Truth!

–Atlantic Avenue gas station

Overheard by: Megan

Gate agent: You need to listen to me. Don’t listen to your wife. Your wife doesn’t work here.

–Newark airport

Overheard by: jk

Posted on August 20, 2022
Age/Aging, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, At the Airport, Brooklyn, Dating, Death, Gays and Lesbians, Infidelity, Internet, Lower East Side, Manhattan, Marriage, Masturbation, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, People, Places, Pop Culture, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Shoot, Venues, Violence, Women

So He’ll Get Off at the Next Stop

Kids break into the subway intercom.

Kid on intercom: Yo, this is the express train motherfucker. If you don’t like it, suck my dick.
College kid: This isn’t the express train.

–1 train, 86th st.

Overheard by: Mayor of Hartley

Posted on August 8, 2022
BJs, Manhattan, On the Subway, Sex, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Girls Licking Girls Seems More Like Strawberry

Chick #1: I’ve become so vanilla.
Chick #2: You’re not! You’re not vanilla!
Chick #1: I so am. Lick me and you’ll get diabetes.

–Bloomingdale’s

Overheard by: djlindee

Posted on August 7, 2022
Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Girls, Sex, Store

She Had a Featured Solo in Backside Story

Man, during intermission of Chicago: Did you see the chorus girl with the long auburn hair?
Woman: Yeah?
Man: I’m pretty sure I’ve seen her in porn on the internet.
Woman, annoyed: Well, when we get home maybe you can find out for sure.
Man: I’m not saying she can’t sing!

–Ambassador Theatre, W 49th

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on August 3, 2022
Actors, Arts & Letters, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Porn, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Theater, Theater & Dance, Tourist Attractions

Wednesday One-Liners. (Allegedly)

Snooty female 30-something to friend: Pap-smears are, to me, the new fake eyelashes.

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: ianbobian

Aggressive New Yorker: So he pulls out his fucking fake-ass parking pass, and I pull out my gun. And I'm like "you still wanna park here, asshole? Go ahead!"

–60th St & Broadway

Screaming drunk girl to slightly sober guy: If you're going to be fake to me, at least be fake to my face!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Really!?!?

Girl on cell: Okay, call me when you're done entertaining the fake Jews.

–Cafe, Church & Walker

Loud woman: No, it was a fake. I'd have to like, sleep with him to get the real one, you know?

–Hester & Mott

Overheard by: Jensel

Posted on July 21, 2022
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Cars and Driving, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Fakes, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Judaism, Lies, Medicine, On Cell, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Stupidity, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weapons, Weirdness, Women

Especially Since They’re Largely the Same People

Teen girl: I just realized I have a lot of numbers belonging to teachers and parents of my friends on my phone.
Friend: You’re such a loser.
Teen girl: Well, I also have the numbers of a lot of drug dealers and sketchy older guys I’ve had sex with, so I think the two cancel each other out.

–Horace Mann School

Overheard by: jen

Posted on July 16, 2022
College, Comebacks, Drugs, Gripes, Sex, Students, Teens