The Country Finally Gets the Wednesday One‐Liner It Deserves

20‐something guy to five‐year‐old boy: No, Wolverine and Barack Obama are not the same person.

–Hudson Park Soccer Pitch

Overheard by: Kelli Jo

Swag guy: Get your Obama condoms, put it on when times get hard.

–7^th Ave & 47^th St

Overheard by: Oh no he didn’t.…

Hobo on train: Look at these two girls! If we get married we can make another Obama!

–4 Train

Cute boy: Captain Kirk is the Bush to Picard’s Obama.

–Kent Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Trekkie

Diner to companion: Since Obama’s been President, North Korea has fired like two missiles. They’re testing his foreign policy, uh, you know, they’re testing his gallstones.

–Teddy’s Restaurant, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ken Yapelli

Sock street vendor to passersby: Socks! One dollar, one dollar! One dollar!
(nobody pays attention) Socks! One dollar! Obama! One dollar! Obama! (a few pedestrians stop to browse through his socks)

–New Chinatown, Flushing, Queens

Posted on January 2, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Friends, Guys, Hobos, Illness, Kids, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Movies, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, President, Queens, Race, Shopping, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Vendors & Street Performers, War, Wednesday One-Liners

One, Two, Three, Four, Get Your Wednesday‐One‐Liners on the Floor

Crackhead to French girls: This side of the station is for crackheads only. You are in violation of code 113, this area is reserved for crackheads only. So move now.

–110^th St Train Station

Film man: Gimme five minutes and I’ll give you my left nut.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: S&J

Suit on cell: You hooked up with a 300‐pound girl?

–14^th & 3^rd Ave

Mexican guy: You look like 50 Cent. But in Mexico, your name would be 50 Pesos.

–Caliente Cab Restaurant , 488 3^rd Ave

Overheard by: Mon

Thug: My wife hit me up for fitty bucks, and then my girl hit me up for another fitty bucks, and now I’m all tapped out.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Juliet

Conductor: Come on people! You were born with two eyes. If you would just use them to see that there are three different doors to the train, you would know that you’re holding people up trying to go home! Use your eyes and head and go in another door that people aren’t trying to get out of…Use the head people…Use the head!

–1 Train

Overheard by: megan

Econ major: So is that quadrillion as in past trillion?

–Classroom, NYU

Posted on December 27, 2022
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Cocaine, Diet/Weight, Family Ties, Hook Ups, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Public Transportation, School and studying, Science, Stupidity, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

You Complete Me, Wednesday One‐Liners

Blonde coed: After he finished yelling at me for a solid ten minutes, he’s like, “So, do you want to be my girlfriend?”

–3^rd Ave & 11^th St

Overheard by: simon

Middle school girl to boy: I don’t normally get with sixth graders, but you’re different…

–10^th St & 1^st Ave

Woman on cell: You are not listening to me. (pause) When you say whatever it is you’re bitching about’, I know that you are not actually listening to me.

–Riverside Park

Guy on cell: I don’t treat you quite as bad as you say.

–Amtrak

Overheard by: Flooey

Boyfriend, about girlfriend enthusiastically cheering on Colbert: Why don’t you scream like that for me?

–The Colbert Report Set

Party girl to friend: So I asked my priest, and he said “I think you should see other people.”

–Park Ave & 29^th St

Overheard by: petey

Posted on December 22, 2022
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Christianity, Compliments, Elementary & Middle School, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Relationships, School and studying, Students, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One‐Liners Lack Human Companionship

Large black man to tiny dog with hacking cough: I told you three times already: Calm yo’self!

–Cunningham Park, Queens

Overheard by: HelloClairice

Woman to dog: You’re not paying attention, now are you?

–83^rd & Broadway

Woman to her two dogs: Sit down… And don’t steal anything.

–Pet store, Park Slope

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Woman to dog barking at passerby: No, that’s not appropriate.

–70^th & Amsterdam

Man to dog: J‑Lo, come here!

–Union Square Dog Run

Overheard by: Buns

Little boy holding a Dachshund: Too many weenies! Too many weenies, Mister Weenie!

–Daschund Day, Washington Square Park

Overheard by: rpk

Toothless man on bike to Shih Tzu: You gotta watch out! Have some human food. Eat at a Chinese restaurant. You a classy dog!

–10^th & 6^th

Overheard by: CarrieBoo

Posted on December 22, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Man's Best Friend, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One‐Liners Know the Truth About Cats and Dogs

Latino guy: Can I have a baggy dog?

–Roosevelt Ave, Queens

Overheard by: petilipois

Professor: And here this writer will be reading from her first novel Doggy Style, which is probably about taking your dogs out and meeting other people in the city.

–Hunter College, creative writing classroom

Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl

Woman: Excuse me, I have to put my hand up my dog’s ass.

–Columbus & 67^th St

Girl: I can never visualize people’s faces. Like my mom. I know she has nice cheekbones, so I try and visualize her cheekbones. But then she just turns into this weird cat.

– Diner, 10^th Ave

Woman: Cats are bitches! They think they’re better than you. I hate cats.

–89^th St & Broadway

Overheard by: righteous queen

Man, singing to daughter in stroller: 11 puppies, 11 puppies, we’re searching for… 24 puppies!

–Sheridan Square

Overheard by: thaler

Teen girl: Your cat has gotten high before me!

–8^th St & 4^th Ave

Hipster girl: The kittens got on the stove and turned the gas on. I got home and it was like Fight Club but with kittens. I’ll probably give them away to the ASPCA or to suckers like you.

–L train

Overheard by: Philip

Posted on December 19, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Gay Man's Best Friend, Man's Best Friend, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One‐liners Have to Get an Intervention

Woman: Oh! I got you some Xanax for your wedding day.

–14^th & 9^th

Guy: I don’t call myself an alcoholic any more. I find it really hard to separate out my shit like that.

–Washington Square South

Woman: I think I’m just going to stay in and have a heroin night.

–11^th & University

Posted on December 16, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Drinking & Drunk People, Heroin, Medicine, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Janet Reno Day One‐Liners

Short thug, holding baby, yelling at indie girl outside deli: My baby don’t like you! Don’t you ever come near my baby again! She thinks you got a ugly face!

–176^th & Broadway

Overheard by: emily d.

Older woman to young couple proudly pushing baby stroller: That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!

–2^nd Ave & 10^th St

Tourist to another: I thought New York was supposed to be filled with good‐looking people. My god, everyone here is so ugly!

–Midtown Bar

Husband to wife: Why do we always get ugly German nannies? Always! Why?

–Broadway & 13^th St

Posted on December 14, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Body Parts, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Delis, Foreigners, Girls, Gripes, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Street, The Village, Thugs, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners

Mortal Wednesday One‐Liners

Loud old lady: I pray for death every day, because if you pray for death, you will never die.

–Metro‐North train

Guy giving directions to friend: I think it’s near the corner where we saw that lady get killed.

–W 32^nd St, near 6^th Ave

Overheard by: Personally, I would avoid that corner.

Man on cell: No, you have to hide the body.

–33^rd & Madison

Overheard by: alex

Man on cell: I don’t know! He just called me up and said that I owe him 50 grand and that he’s coming to kill me… Yeah, I told him I have no idea what he’s talking about, but he said he’s coming to kill me anyway.

–77^th & Broadway

Man, about his time in halfway house: Murderers are just the nicest people, you know? I mean, they really understand human suffering.

–F train

Shabby guy on cell: Why should I be the only man that never died from a piece of ass?

–55^th & Madison

Posted on November 26, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Death, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Hugs, Not Wednesday One‐Liners

20‐something to friend: If I didn’t do so many drugs, I could probably afford to go skiing and shit like that.

–Williamsburg

Art school student: If I can stop doing heroin, I can do anything!

–Outside School of Visual Arts

Tourist guy to tourist friends: Yeah, I remember when he went to school on shrooms, and then he went to the principal and told him that he was on shrooms.

–40^th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Bones Jones

Father to daughter: Don’t say “no” to drugs. Say “no, thank you.”

–45^th St & 5^th Ave

Blonde Catholic schoolgirl: Maybe after we pop the E we’ll roll over to 149^th Street.

–Q88 Bus

Posted on November 20, 2022
College, Dads, Druggies, Drugs, Friends, Girls, Heroin, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sports, Students, Stupidity, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Wednesday One‐Liners Keep It in the Family

Guy on cell: Well, right now my brother and my girlfriend share a bedroom.

–Washington Square North

Overheard by: Daniel

Young nanny to six‐year‐old girl, crossing the street: What do you care about more, your brother or your scooter?

–76^th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Sonny

Daughter to obnoxious mom: Just because you are a member of my family doesn’t mean I won’t backhand you.

–NYU Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Maria

Man to woman, while crossing street: Look, all I’m saying is there are a lot of men who like your sister even more then they like you – and that’s saying a lot!

–6^th Ave & 13^th St

Overheard by: Wemily

Posted on November 12, 2022
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Wednesday One-Liners

Janet Reno Day One‐Liners