Health and Hygiene

“Which one? Dr. Pepper or Scholl?”

Girl #1: I don’t know how I got pregnant.
Girl #2: Well, don’t you use birth control?
Girl #1: Yes! That’s why I don’t understand. Right after I had sex I squirted in a lot of that birth control foam cream stuff.
Girl #2: After? You’re supposed to put it in before. That’s why it prevents pregnancy.
Girl #1: Oh? I didn’t know that.
Girl #2: You know you oughta get a IUD. There’s nothing to remember or know, they just stick it in there and you can like keep it in there forever!
Girl #1: Who sticks it in?
Girl #2: Forget it. Just go to the doctor like right away like yesterday. Uh, I mean as soon as possible.

–1st & 1st

Overheard by: Deborah Olin

Readers: Give Him a Wry Retort

British Lady: I have a sharp pain in my bladder.
British Guy: Maybe you’re pregnant.
British Lady: How would you know?

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: Katherine O’Brien

Fun at the SI Ferry (It Is Possible)

A businesswoman throws up over the edge of the ferry. A chick walks up to help her, and then admonishes the ignoring crowd standing around her: You should all be ashamed of yourselves for not helping this poor woman!
Headphones Guy: Fuck you!
Chick: What if it was you getting sick over the rail?
Headphones Guy: Fuck you! I don’t get sick!

–Staten Island Ferry

Guy #1: Don’t you think that makes sense?
Guy #2: No, it doesn’t make sense, which is why I think we’re going to fucking get arrested!

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: David Lock

Wednesday One-Liners Are the New Black

Guido: I love these jeans. They’re so comfy-womfy.

–R train, Court St

Teen girl: Tissues are so overrated. That’s what long-sleeved shirts are for. That’s why no one wears short-sleeved shirts!

–TGIFriday, 42nd St

Conductor: Down coats are very poofy. Please pull them in from the doors.

–Crowded F train

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Puking guy, using hat to catch his vomit: I don’t think I’m ever gonna be able to wear this hat again. It was a good hat.

–A train

Overheard by: Joseph

Teen girl, about gift for boyfriend: Can you imagine me getting him a sweater that’s too small and going, ‘Oh, it’s too small? I’ll take it!’

–R train

Chick: She was a tasteful goth… but she was wearing a cape.

–4th & Lafayette

Worst. Mentor. Ever.

Library staff: Was there brain damage?
Library work-study: Er, no.
Library staff: Well, then! How badly can you get hurt by getting hit in the head with a beer bottle?

–Fordham University Library

Just, You Know, in Case

Girl #1: What’s a Pap smear?
Girl #2: Oh, its like when they shave your vagina and uterus, and they grow it in a test tube.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: pat from the island

Wednesday One-liners Watch House

Professor guy: So I got one of those magnets for headaches, right? It works pretty good, except when I attach it to my steering wheel it changes the radio station every time I turn a corner.

–Fordham University elevator, Lincoln Center

He Kept Downing Cocktails All Night

Dude: Yeah, I think I have this disease where I can’t remember people’s names.
Chick: You mean AIDS?

–The Big Easy, 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Theresa

Just Remember to Save the Intercourse for Grades

Grad student girl: How did your work go today?
Grad student guy: Pretty good. I took some Adderall. God, it helps–it's like crack.
Grad student girl: Oh my god! Really? I'll suck your dick for a pill.
Grad student guy: Damn straight you will.

–Fish Bar, East Village

Overheard by: John-John

That's Something You Have to Figure Out for Yourself, Young Padwan

Gay man in hipster glasses, sticking ass out: Papi! It hurts! Open it up and see what's wrong!
Blonde white girl, whining: But what does that meeeeeeannnnn?

–Bleecker & Perry

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