Health and Hygiene

Boy Have a Penis; Girls Have Wednesday One-liners

Chick: I swear to god, I don’t know how nothing has happened to me yet, either I am infertile or the cure for herpes is in my vagina.

–6 train

Overheard by: brynn

Man on cell: Hey, baby. It’s sure hot out today…you better get out those hot pants…I mean hot shorts…your pussy must be burning up.

–56th & Broadway

Businesswoman on cell: Aw, man. If only she were a hermaphrodite! Damn!

–7th & Perry

Korean dude: Are you suggesting that you have a super dope vagina?

–Camel, W. 33rd Street

Overheard by: Dave Min

Man: We’re going to have a tampon fondue!

–Duane Reade, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: molina1230

Wednesday One-liners, I’m Your Father

Father: Oh, you mean hummus. Hamas is a terrorist organization.

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: Daniel Radosh

Man on stoop on cell: Son, it sounds like you got yourself an STD.

–Windsor Terrace

Overheard by: LaurenG

Dad: Now don’t go getting lost again. It cost me a lot of money to get you back last time.

–Bronx Zoo

Father: It was because of nuclear proliferation. All the dinosaurs shot nukes at each other.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: JB

Man: The last time a bird pooped on me I met your mother.

–Central Park Zoo

It’s Not Literally Iceberg Lettuce

Receptionist: You’re looking good lately. Healthy.
UPS guy: Thanks, I’ve been trying to only drink liquids. You know, water, a salad once in a while.

–Borough Park

Overheard by: Vicki

Might Want to Go Grab Some Depends, Quick

Chick #1: He has to know.
Chick #2: Well I am human.
Chick #1: He can’t expect that you won’t. I mean, if you move in together. Come on.
Chick #2: I’ve been taking these things call Senna Tabs.
Chick #1: Are they good?
Chick #2: They’re awesome.
Chick #1: I’ve been having the worst time of it
Chick #2: Here, I’ve got some with me. Try one
Chick #1: It won’t work immediately right? I’ve got some shopping to do.

–F train

Overheard by: Dave Chambers

The Lighter Side of…Eating Disorders

Girl: It doesn’t matter if you’re skinny or fat–being anorexic is when you don’t eat because you only think that you’re fat!
Guy: No, people don’t eat because they’re not hungry.

–N train

Overheard by: Steph Lo

Sunbathing chick #1: Oh, girl, you so skinny. They should name you “Miss Congene-u-ality”.
Sunbather #2: Oh no no no, I don’t puke.

–Central Park Great Lawn

Overheard by: Jordan the Intern

Man: So let me get this straight: you still buy him stuffed animals–
Woman: Yeah.
Man: –but he just broke up with his girlfriend because she got too fat.
Woman: Yup.
Man: How old is he?
Woman: Nine.

–Starbucks, 114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jack Vanston

It’s Probably More Like Thirty-seconds

Suit #1: I screwed one of the new piece of ass last night.
Suit #2: You mean the li’l one, the new one?
Suit #1: Yeah, Jen, the new girl on 15.
Suit #2: Dude, I just smashed her the other day at lunch! Are you fucking kidding me?
Suit #1: You’re clean, right?…’cause I’m going back for seconds.

–75th & Lexington

Hmm…That is What an Evil Twin Would Say

Girl #1: My throat hurts. Does yours?
Girl #2: Um…no. Are we twins? Is it supposed to hurt?

–Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: roc luch

Another Wonderfully Thinning Feature for Smokers

Girl #1: I wish I still smoked so I would have a reason to go outside every 20 minutes.
Girl #2: But then you’d have cancer.

–Chelsea elevator

If You Axe Me, It Sure is a Secret

Guy: Where do you fall in the debate over wearing deodorant versus body odor?
Girl: Um, I didn’t realize there was a debate.

–70th & York

Tip of the Day: A Virus is Not Bacteria

Hipster girl: Baby what’s that smell? Is that your feet?
Hipster boy: What? I don’t know, probably.
Hipster girl: Oh my god. The smell, I can’t take it.
Hipster boy: It doesn’t smell as bad as the old cooter did the other night when we were screwing. You didn’t hear me say anything when you shoved my face into that crockpot of bacteria.

–F train

Overheard by: Gracelyn

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