Health and Hygiene

The Lighter Side of…Eating Disorders

Girl: It doesn’t matter if you’re skinny or fat–being anorexic is when you don’t eat because you only think that you’re fat!
Guy: No, people don’t eat because they’re not hungry.

–N train

Overheard by: Steph Lo

Sunbathing chick #1: Oh, girl, you so skinny. They should name you “Miss Congene-u-ality”.
Sunbather #2: Oh no no no, I don’t puke.

–Central Park Great Lawn

Overheard by: Jordan the Intern

Man: So let me get this straight: you still buy him stuffed animals–
Woman: Yeah.
Man: –but he just broke up with his girlfriend because she got too fat.
Woman: Yup.
Man: How old is he?
Woman: Nine.

–Starbucks, 114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jack Vanston

It’s Probably More Like Thirty-seconds

Suit #1: I screwed one of the new piece of ass last night.
Suit #2: You mean the li’l one, the new one?
Suit #1: Yeah, Jen, the new girl on 15.
Suit #2: Dude, I just smashed her the other day at lunch! Are you fucking kidding me?
Suit #1: You’re clean, right?…’cause I’m going back for seconds.

–75th & Lexington

Hmm…That is What an Evil Twin Would Say

Girl #1: My throat hurts. Does yours?
Girl #2: Um…no. Are we twins? Is it supposed to hurt?

–Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: roc luch

Another Wonderfully Thinning Feature for Smokers

Girl #1: I wish I still smoked so I would have a reason to go outside every 20 minutes.
Girl #2: But then you’d have cancer.

–Chelsea elevator

If You Axe Me, It Sure is a Secret

Guy: Where do you fall in the debate over wearing deodorant versus body odor?
Girl: Um, I didn’t realize there was a debate.

–70th & York

Tip of the Day: A Virus is Not Bacteria

Hipster girl: Baby what’s that smell? Is that your feet?
Hipster boy: What? I don’t know, probably.
Hipster girl: Oh my god. The smell, I can’t take it.
Hipster boy: It doesn’t smell as bad as the old cooter did the other night when we were screwing. You didn’t hear me say anything when you shoved my face into that crockpot of bacteria.

–F train

Overheard by: Gracelyn

Wednesday One-liners Should See a Doctor

Chick on phone: Do you love your gynecologist? Because I don’t. I’m not, like, thrilled. I need stability right now. It’s like bing-bing-bing, you’re done. Now tell me about your period and breastfeeding.

–Brooklyn Army Terminal

Woman: Oh no, she loves having surgery…

–Fresh Bites, 56th & 6th

Man on cell: It was like a little dagger, stabbing my eyeball…

–Madison Avenue office

Overheard by: Jonathan Harford

Woman: …so my gynecologist said, “Why would you want to go to her? She’s out of network!”

–Opia, E. 57th Street

Hmm, Tuba or Tumor?

Girl #1: Well, tomorrow is the Philharmonic in Central Park.
Girl #2: You wanna go?
Girl #1: Well I do, but I have my brain MRI.

–William street

The Flaming Idiocy Surely Contributed

Woman: You know, on 9/11 I was the only person in lower Manhattan who wasn’t coughing and tearing up. My husband, he had a handkerchief over his mouth and all the visine and shit and I was like, “Bring it on! This tastes good!” You know why? ‘Cause I’m a smoker.

–MSG elevator

Interesting How This is New

Manicuree #1: I learned something new about myself today–
Manicuree #2: Oh, what was that?
Manicuree #1: –at my gynecologist’s office.
Manicuree #2: Hmm?
Manicuree #1: I learned that I need an extra long speculum for my pelvic exams.

–Astoria nail salon

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