Are You Fucking With Me, Ma'am?

Animated blonde salesgirl: If you get the apple pomegranate body butter…
Weary brunette: I only see the display.
Animated blonde salesgirl: We have more in the back. Okay, well, if you get two or more products from the bath line, like this and our shower gel, you get a free bathtub!
Weary brunette: Huh?
(animated blonde salesgirl points to a little plastic bathtub)
Weary brunette: That's… tiny. Like, I love the scent but I'm afraid I don't have any kittens or fetuses to bathe in that tiny tiny tub.

–Sephora, Times Square

Posted on October 15, 2020
Clerks, Customers, Free stuff!, Gay Man's Best Friend, Health and Hygiene, Sensory Experiences, Shopping, Store, Stupidity, Times Square

Says the Woman Who Chooses to Live in Omaha?

Older tourist woman to NBC tour guide: So, we are going to see the rock at the top?
Guide: It's called “the top of the rock.”
Woman: Well, that doesn't make any sense?

–30 Rockefeller Plaza

Overheard by: Michael

Posted on May 19, 2020
Clerks, Old People, Rockefeller Center, Tourism, Tourists, Words

Having Strangers Discipline Your Kids Is Mmm Mmm Good

Screaming child: I want a new hat!
Latino nanny: Calm down before I turn you into soup!

–Madison Ave & 81st St

Posted on April 18, 2020
Clerks, Clothing, Kids, Latinos, Should've Used a Condom, Threats, Upper East Side, Wishes & desires

Wasn't That a Cherry Poppin' Daddies Song?

Bodega guy to old Dominican guy: What's up, sister?
Old Dominican guy: I got your sister swinging!

–Throop & Vernon

Overheard by: johnny

Posted on April 5, 2020
Brooklyn, Clerks, Dominicans, Family Ties, Gender issues, Grocery Stores, Old People, Questions, Sex

Guess That Also Explains Why You're So Fashionably Thin!

Woman with crew cut to salesman: Excuse me, my husband's glow necklace is leaking–may I exchange it?
(glow necklace salesman hands her a new one)
Salesman: And that's a lovely haircut you have!
Woman, not amused: I'm going through cancer.

–Prospect Park

Posted on July 25, 2019
Brooklyn, Cancer, Clerks, Compliments, Fashion, Hair, Offers and requests, Parks, Weirdness, Women

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day.

–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn

Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.

–Henri Bendel

Overheard by: Stephan Dion

Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.

–Fashion Institute of Technology

Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: ednapontellier

Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.

–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place

Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?

–Broadway & 50th St

Overheard by: Peter

Posted on July 5, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Clerks, College, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Fitness, Friends, Girls, Height, Kids, Masturbation, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Store, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Teachers/Professors, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I Can't Keep Up with You Crunchy Hippies

Customer: Excuse me, do you know where the croutons are?
Whole Foods maintenance guy: Croutons? That some kind of vegetable or something?

–Whole Foods, Houston St

Posted on June 2, 2019
Clerks, Customers, Food, Questions, Stupidity, Whole Foods, Words

What Passes for Exceptional Customer Service in This Town

Customer at deli called “Bagel”: So, do you serve bagels here?
Waitress: No, we actually serve sports gear, but the models next door sells bagels.

–Bagel Deli

Overheard by: Amanda

Posted on April 7, 2019
Clerks, Comebacks, Customers, Delis, Food, Sports

When Science Meets Religion

Guy: I'd like the two-for-one sundae deal.
Employee, agitated: It's not two-for-one!
Guy: It's not?
Employee: It's “buy one, get one free”!

–6th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Nacci

Posted on April 3, 2019
Clerks, Customers, Food, Free stuff!, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Words

Sing “We Are the World” and I'll Fucking Kill You

Station agent, fighting with tourist woman over use of unlimited MetroCard: One person! One person only!
Tourist woman: I am only one person!

–W 103rd St

Posted on March 25, 2019
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Clerks, Public Transportation, Stupidity, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Clerks