Older Hispanic gay man to guy in Subway sandwich costume: Uh sandwich, be careful someone doesn't eat you, darling.
Passers-by: (laugh)
Older Hispanic gay man: Whaaat? That's what you do to a saaandwich.
–9th & 2nd
Overheard by: eat me
Older Hispanic gay man to guy in Subway sandwich costume: Uh sandwich, be careful someone doesn't eat you, darling.
Passers-by: (laugh)
Older Hispanic gay man: Whaaat? That's what you do to a saaandwich.
–9th & 2nd
Overheard by: eat me
Younger pharmacy clerk: I'm cold.
Older pharmacy clerk: That's your problem.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Dave
Stoner: What do you have ready?
Cashier: Chicken.
Stoner: What kind of chicken?
Cashier: It’s called fried chicken.
–Palace Fried Chicken
Overheard by: Brian
Hospital coffee shop counter guy: Missed you yesterday.
Hospital clerk: Yeah, you didn’t see me yesterday. I was in the emergency room. Patient
swung at me with a cane. So I threw a metal stapler at her. I got stressed when I threw that stapler, yeah. So I went to the emergency room. We need partitions, man.
–City Hospital, Bronx
Chinese guy: Excuse me, I think I dropped my wallet in this store. Did you guys happen to see a wallet anywhere in here?
Clerk: I’m sorry sir, we are good Buddhist people, and we good Buddhist people are always moral, and we would never do such a thing as stealing your wallet.
Chinese guy: I never said you stole my wallet, I just asked if you’ve seen my wallet.
Clerk: Goodbye, please come again. Next on line!
Chinese guy: Go fuck Buddha!
Translated from the Chinese.
–Flushing store
Overheard by: Ting
Dude: There's a new kind of condom out that makes you feel like you're not wearing it.
Pharmacist: I don't know, sorry.
Dude: But you're a pharmacist.
Pharmacist: The product is over there. (points at all condoms)
Dude: Okay, thanks for knowing nothing.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Dave G
Nosy customer: So what are you from, Germany?
Guy with accent: No, Austria.
Nosy customer: Ha, close enough.
Guy with accent: Err, no, not really.
–Ess-a-Bagel
Overheard by: Chris
Swarthy clerk to pretty girl: Why do you wear that scarf like that?
Pretty girl: Because it's pretty.
Swarthy clerk, smiling: Won't be so pretty when someone strangles you with it.
–167th St
Security lady: …Oh, I know her. I heard she don’t have no teeth no more.
Guy: Heh…nope.
Security lady: Good for suckin’ dick.
Guy: Heh, heh…yep.
Security lady: Bet that’s right up your alley, ain’t it?
Guy: I ain’t got no alleys.
–New York Public Library, West 53rd Street
Elevator operator: What floor, please?
Old lady: Home, James.
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
