Man on cell: Wait, you’re telling me my money went to help some kid go to camp? Are you fuckin’ kidding me? I thought I was curing a cripple or some shit like that. What’s up with that? I never went to camp when I was a kid. Good to hear some brat I never met is going to be swimming in a lake all summer long while my nephew is cooling himself off by a hydrant in the street.
–Astoria, Queens
Overheard by: Victor Hugo
Chick: I swear to god, I don’t know how nothing has happened to me yet, either I am infertile or the cure for herpes is in my vagina.
–6 train
Overheard by: brynn
Man on cell: Hey, baby. It’s sure hot out today…you better get out those hot pants…I mean hot shorts…your pussy must be burning up.
–56th & Broadway
Businesswoman on cell: Aw, man. If only she were a hermaphrodite! Damn!
–7th & Perry
Korean dude: Are you suggesting that you have a super dope vagina?
–Camel, W. 33rd Street
Overheard by: Dave Min
Man: We’re going to have a tampon fondue!
–Duane Reade, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: molina1230
Father: Oh, you mean hummus. Hamas is a terrorist organization.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Daniel Radosh
Man on stoop on cell: Son, it sounds like you got yourself an STD.
–Windsor Terrace
Overheard by: LaurenG
Dad: Now don’t go getting lost again. It cost me a lot of money to get you back last time.
–Bronx Zoo
Father: It was because of nuclear proliferation. All the dinosaurs shot nukes at each other.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: JB
Man: The last time a bird pooped on me I met your mother.
–Central Park Zoo
Chick on cell: I mean, an Easter egg hunt, but with cigarettes? How cool would that be?
–6th between Prince & Spring
Overheard by: djlindee
Woman: So there were three of us, standing around the toilet, and we each threw our cigarette butts one by one into the toilet, and when I flushed it, there was this…space. And through that space I saw my family at the other end…
–Prospect Park Bandshell
Overheard by: MissHell
Man: I want to get down to a carton of cigarettes for each paycheck.
–Sunset Park
Overheard by: Priscilla Grim
Chick: I’m afraid of birds, so I go to the bird store next door to sort of get over it, you know? So I was down there today and there was this lady there who owns one of the birds, and she was saying how it bit her in the lip, and she lost feeling in her finger. That makes me think…they really are evil!
–Office, E. 33rd Street
Man on cell: Hello. Yes, this is the squirrel from the park. Please
come back to the park, I’m not in the park but I’ll be there soon.
–23rd & 6th
College girl: I always associate double-parking with shrimp.
–M86 bus
Overheard by: Andrea Natalie Goldstein
Hispanic girl: Yo, butterflies is scary!
–B train
College girl: Yeah, my mom was watching this commercial about kitty litter where there was this cat who said, “Yeah, and then they go and do the thing…” Wait. I mean, that’s not what the cat said. I’m just paraphrasing.
–Starbucks, 67th & Columbus
Chick: How’s the Wailers concert?
Voice on cell: All we need now is a beer and a spliff!
Chick: Great, Mom.
–University Restaurant, University Place
Overheard by: Becka Dash
Girl on cell: I can barely hear you. It’s like your phone is on mute, only not quite.
–Astoria
Suit on cell: I don’t know! I don’t know! All I’m saying is, you better get a lawyer and it sure as hell isn’t going to be me!
–14th & Broadway
Punk dude on cell: Fuck you, fuck you!…call me when you are high or nice, until then fuck you!
–Dunkin’ Donuts, 42nd & Vanderbilt
Girl on cell phone: Like, I’m the one who invited Fran Tarkenton over in the first place!
–53rd & 8th
Overheard by: Tyler Bryce
Indian chick on cell: You’re like the diamond in a haystack I’ve been looking for!
–23rd & 3rd
FishBowlNY chick: Not only do you blog about everything, you blog in five different blogs about everything.
–Slainte, The Bowery
Hipster guy: Everyone keeps asking me why I’m sad, and I’m like, “I’m not sad, I’m from New York.”
–St. Mark’s between 1st & A
Overheard by: Danny G.
Woman: I have some friends, and they lived in Brooklyn all they lives, and they ain’t ever been to Kings Plaza Shopping Mall. They so limited!
–5 train
Tourist woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where the big apple is?
–43rd & Broadway
Overheard by: katie cunningham
Woman: What I love most about New York is that wherever you go, in every neighborhood, there’s garbage on the curb. To me, that’s democracy.
–University & 11th
Lady: You never see girls wearing shorts in New York City unless they’re tourists.
–57th & Broadway
Guy on cell: Well I’m sorry, Princess, if New York doesn’t smell like a bed of roses!
–Church & Worth
Overheard by: Becka Dash
NY Post guy: This boat is bootlegged! It won’t turn left!
–Penn Station
NY Post guy: Read all about it! Discovery shuttle is a bootleg…doesn’t work…can’t turn left. Read all about it!
–Penn Station
Overheard (correctly) by: Toon
Dad on cell: So did they give me a credit?…What? It just says “from the New York Times” and not “from Jesse McKinley of the New York Times“?
–18th Street between 5th & 6th
Girl on cell: If you beat somebody up real bad and they press charges, how much time can you get for that?…No, if they press charges against you.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Katie C
Boy, 5: Lady, I’m gonna cut off your head and feed it to my family.
–14th & 2nd
Overheard by: djlindee
