There’s Wednesday One-liners All Over Town

FishBowlNY chick: Not only do you blog about everything, you blog in five different blogs about everything.

–Slainte, The Bowery

Hipster guy: Everyone keeps asking me why I’m sad, and I’m like, “I’m not sad, I’m from New York.”

–St. Mark’s between 1st & A

Overheard by: Danny G.

Woman: I have some friends, and they lived in Brooklyn all they lives, and they ain’t ever been to Kings Plaza Shopping Mall. They so limited!

–5 train

Tourist woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where the big apple is?

–43rd & Broadway

Overheard by: katie cunningham

Woman: What I love most about New York is that wherever you go, in every neighborhood, there’s garbage on the curb. To me, that’s democracy.

–University & 11th

Lady: You never see girls wearing shorts in New York City unless they’re tourists.

–57th & Broadway

Guy on cell: Well I’m sorry, Princess, if New York doesn’t smell like a bed of roses!

–Church & Worth

Overheard by: Becka Dash

NY Post guy: This boat is bootlegged! It won’t turn left!

–Penn Station

NY Post guy: Read all about it! Discovery shuttle is a bootleg…doesn’t work…can’t turn left. Read all about it!

–Penn Station

Overheard (correctly) by: Toon

Posted on November 29, 2025
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Directions, Fashion, Hipsters, Internet, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Only in New York, Penn Station, Places, Pop Culture, Shopping, Street, Topics, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Women

Just Have Them Point the Correction Here, Jess

Dad on cell: So did they give me a credit?…What? It just says “from the New York Times” and not “from Jesse McKinley of the New York Times“?

–18th Street between 5th & 6th

Posted on November 24, 2025
Assholes, Dads, Names, News, On Cell, The Village

Take a Deep Breath, Wednesday One-liners

Girl on cell: If you beat somebody up real bad and they press charges, how much time can you get for that?…No, if they press charges against you.

–Macy’s

Overheard by: Katie C

Boy, 5: Lady, I’m gonna cut off your head and feed it to my family.

–14th & 2nd

Overheard by: djlindee

Posted on November 10, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Crime and Punishment, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Should've Used a Condom, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Violence

Wednesday One-liners, Where Are You?

Guy on cell: Where am I? I’m always some place watching some crazy shit. I’m watching some motherfuckin’ Indian shit, son. Some shit from some country. They’re doing a rain dance, son. It’s gonna motherfuckin’ rain soon. They’re doing a motherfuckin’ rain dance, son. They’re dancing and shit.

–St. Mark’s Church

Overheard by: Alex Romanovich

Woman: Where are all the restaurants?

–Times Square station

Overheard by: Kate

Woman on cell: Where am I? I’m at home; I’m just about to go down and get a cab. Where are you?

–Gristede’s, 63rd & West End

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Driving guy: Is this Brooklyn?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Captain Obvious

Driving guy: Excuse me, which way is Manhattan?

–40th & Broadway

Girl: Excuse me sir, how do you get to Times Square?

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti

Man on cell: No, no. I’ll never make it. I’m still in Jersey.

–85th & 2nd

Overheard by: JDH

Posted on November 9, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Dancing, Directions, Ew, Jersey, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Restaurants & Cafes, Times Square, Upper East Side

Wednesday One-liners, Jr.

Mom: Maybe if you listen to me more you’ll get to see Mr. Snap Crackles…Mommy’s going to call him now.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Jake Glazier

Chick on cell :…and then the other day, I had a little baby! Yeah!

–116th & Broadway

NY Post guy: It’s been confirmed! He’s dead! Harry Potter is dead! Killed in a magic train bus explosion. Read it here!

–Penn Station

Guy: …and you can’t get birthmarks shaped like WB characters.

–Teany, Rivington St.

Posted on November 8, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Moms, On Cell, Penn Station

Attack of the Moongoloid 2: Luna’s Revenge

Girl on cell: Mom! Guess what? We are having a full moon in New York tonight.
Girl #2: You so stupid…it’s everywhere!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Jim Chambers

Posted on October 26, 2025
Brooklyn, On Cell, Only in New York, Parents, Park Slope, People, Places, Science, Stupidity, Topics

Wednesday One-liners Mispronounce Zoology

Woman: Oh my god, I love my cat. My cat is my reason for living. My cat is like a dog, only in cat form…

–34th & 8th

Hawker guy: AM New York! The rooster of newspapers! Find out why I’m a cock-a-doodle-do-ing!

–42nd & Lexington

Suit on cell: I can’t wait to get back to Boston. This town is like an elephant graveyard for my exes. Yeah, instead of elephants, all my exes come here to rest.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Matt Murdock

Girl: I hit a firefly driving up there and my windshield was all gooey, slimy and shiny…so I thought of you.

–Washington Square

Queer: Ohmigod, I thought that was the ugliest baby in the world, but it’s a bulldog.

–West 4th & Cornelia

Overheard by: Raphael

Girl: I’ve never been pooped on. At least not by a bird.

–71st & 1st

Guy: …yes, I’m going to put that in my octopus.

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: Jenny + Pete

Girl: Whoa, it smells like hamster piss right here.

–1st & 1st

Teen boy: Man, next time I see him, it’s over. I’ll throw worms on his ass if I have to.

–Fordham Road

Crazy guy: Want to see my website? It’ll cost you. Want to see it? $100. Naw, you don’t have that sort of money. I need to jazz it up. It has pictures of dead animals on it.

–D train

Overheard by: Taybin Rutkin

Posted on October 20, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Crazies, Gay Man's Best Friend, Insects, Man's Best Friend, On Cell, One-liners, People, Poop, Queer guys, Queers, Suits, Teens, We Love Our Pets

Especially That Electric Bifocal Lush Franklin

Girl on cell: You know, you ought to cancel your July 4th party and make it happen on July 16th so I can crash…What do you mean, July 4th only happens once? July 16th could be July 4th. Just buy some illegal fireworks, put on some American pops orchestral music, and barbeque some chicken, and there you go…I’m sure our forefathers were still celebrating on July 16th. They were probably wasted off of their asses!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Megan C.

Posted on October 11, 2025
Girls, History & Geography, Holidays, On Cell, Politics, Trains Not Subway

Wednesday One-liners Are Braindead

Chick: The problem with reading is that you can’t do it when you’re fucked up.

–31st & 2nd

Woman on cell: I’m so, like, a vegetarian, for real you know? But only, like, on Wednesdays.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Angela

Guy on cell: Dude did so much K that he turned into Terri Schiavo.

–Union Square

Chick: I know this guy who’s perfect for you…he’s a complete idiot.

–Columbia University

Guy: Wow, I didn’t even know things existed here.

–Port Authority, 2nd Floor

Guy: Well at one point he took off his boots, a while later tried to put them back on. I told him that they were the wrong feet. Then he looked at me and said, “No…these are my feet.”

–Hank’s Saloon, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Kimberly Handle

Posted on October 6, 2025
Bars & Clubs, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Hard Drugs, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, People, Places, Port Authority, Relationships, Vegetarian & Vegan, Williamsburg

It Didn’t Work Out with Wednesday One-liners

Woman on cell: For five years you wouldn’t marry me because your mother was sick. Well, your mother’s fucking dead and you still won’t marry me!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Robbie

Goombah: So what? I went and had a couple beers with Junior! You know what? Fuck you, bitch! I want you outta my house when I get home!

–Brooklyn Heights

Man on cell: So what has changed from then to now?…of course! The vibrator! So that’s it, huh?

–Central Park

Overheard by: jeannette

Guy: That’s one of the reasons I had to dump her. I’d see all these
girls on the street and be like, “Hey now!”

–Broadway & Spring

Guy on cell: I moved all the way here and now you won’t even marry me?

–Broadway & 57th

Posted on October 6, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Central Park, Dildos and Vibrators, Infidelity, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

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