Ghetto Chicks

A thugged out girl tests all of her ring tones as loud as possible for a solid minute.

Preppy girl: Are you serious with that? Can you do everyone a favor and stop?
Thug girl: I know you’re not talking to me. You messed with the wrong girl.
Preppy girl: I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Your screaming phone made me deaf.
Thug girl: I’ll f her up. But then she’ll call the cops; her people love the cops. Go back to where you came from!
Preppy girl: I’m trying to. That’s why I’m on the train, you stupid bitch. Look, you got a new cell phone and that’s great, but figure it out at home.
Thug girl: I’ll f you up. You’re f-ing with the wrong girl. Don’t be fooled by the pretty face.
Preppy girl: Pretty face? Where?

–N train

Overheard by: Matty M.

Teen ghetto girl: If you had a daughter…
Teen ghetto boy: If I had a daughter, there ain’t no way she’d be leavin’ the house with them short shorts and shit. And she fo’ sho’ wouldn’t be playin’ with them barbies. Barbies is evil. They mess with girls’ brains, makin’ them think they need to show off their shit and have babies when theys like 15. No barbies. Only puzzles.

–Manhattan bound N train

Overheard by: lauren

Suit on cell: Nah, don’t even bother callin’ that fuckin’ guy. At 4:59 he pulls the steam whistle and slides down the Brontosaurus tail.

–45th & 7th

Overheard by: Fred F.

Homegirl to another: Yo, you remind me of my nigga, SpongeBob!

–125th & Amsterdam

20-something babe: Optimus Prime is my boyfriend!

–Union Square cinema

Suit: The winter after I graduated college I watched a lot of Cartoon Network.

–8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: jonesy

Girl: Yeah, you know, it’s just like the time I dyed myself blue, only the guy I was with was colorblind so he couldn’t even tell! Hey, haven’t you ever wanted to know what it feels like to be a Smurf?

–1 train

Fat professor: In order to avoid economic loss you have to look deeper than the average bear.

–Pace University

Overheard by: random student

Ghetto girl: Yo, I didn't realize your birthday was on the day you were actually born on.
Friend: Seriously?!

–E Train

Overheard by: Squiggle

Ghetto high school girl #1: I’m not going to the party unless he apologizes for saying I stink.
Ghetto high school girl #2: But you do.
Ghetto high school girl #1: So?

–5 train platform, Pelham Pkwy

Overheard by: Bryan

Girl #1: He fine.
Girl #2: Who? Anakin?
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Finer den Usher?
Girl #1: Nah, nobody finer den Usher.

–The Pavilion, Park Slope

Black guy: Yo, fuck the Jedi. It’s all about the Dark Side. I’m the other Dark Lord you’ve been looking for.

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Joshua S.

Girl: Oh my god, all this time I thought I was a Buddhist, but I’m really a Sith.

–UA movie theater, Union Square

Overheard by: Lara Evangelista

Queer: I am not paying for the appetizer, because it came out at the same time as our entree and it should have come out before.
Ghetto waitress: You have to pay for it, because I brought it out.
Queer: Well, when you don’t get money for it don’t be alarmed!
Ghetto waitress: You’re lucky you even got your food!

–Diner, 51st & 9th

Overheard by: Rich

Ghetto girl #1: Nah, bitch! I’m, like, 11. I’m not sittin’ on no Santa’s lap!
Ghetto girl #2: You don’t know. They was givin’ out gifts and shit.
Ghetto girl #1: Word? Nobody told me!

–4 train

Overheard by: marty

Drunk guy: Excuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek!

–8th Ave & W 55th St

Overheard by: Fred Daubert

Canadian guy: The first kiss’ll be at the altar.

–Uptown 6 train

Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awesome kisser.

–NYU

Overheard by: lucy in the sky with diamonds

Girl on cell: I can’t remember the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you?

–43rd & Lex

Ghetto chick leaving after fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleeding, like you used to.

–Washington Heights

Girl on cell: He said he wouldn’t leave until I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toilet!

–115th St & Manhattan Ave

Overheard by: Melissa Berry

Ghetto lady on phone waiting for bus: Ugh. I'm exhausted. I don't have the energy to stick my hands up your ass.

–Hunts Point

Dude on cell: I think he's the same guy who stuck the jar up his ass. (pause) Well, because the camera angle was the same, and the scar…

–108th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk gay man speaking to straight couple: So I'm at the wedding talking to my future cousin-in-law about how it's not gay if he likes things in his ass, and he said that's not his problem, his problem is asking her to cut her fingernails.

–26th b/w 9th & 10th

Female suit on cell: There was something going into that butt, did I not mention that?

–10th & Hudson