People

Guy: I got both, bitch! I got a pussy and a dick!

–6th Avenue & 9th Street

Chick: He was my rag guy! What am I going to do now? I’m gonna dry up. If you stick your ear up to my vagina you’re going to hear the fucking desert like it’s a seashell.

–43rd & 5th

Overheard by: James Wilson

Burkha woman: …when you remove a man’s genitals, it’s a sin.

–Port Authority

Guy on cell: I’m busy. I’m getting my dick sucked right now.

–4 train

Overheard by: LatiE

Guy: It wasn’t till I started college that I realized they had botched the circumcision. We had all just flopped them out and I was like, “Dude, what is wrong with yours?”, and they were like, “No man, it’s you, what the fuck happened to you? It looks like the fucking rings of saturn.”

–38th & 3rd

Suit: If you’re a dick you can do anything.

–Maiden Lane & Pearl Street

Overheard by: SKG

Man on cell: So I was trying to take a pee and she kept talking to me, so then my dick got hard and I couldn’t pee.

–25th & 5th

Overheard by: Ian Wheeler-Nicholson

Lady on cell: He’s a hermaphrodite…he was born that way…his grandparents, thats why. Genetic mutations and stuff.

–50th & Madison

Chick: But he has a pierced dick! They don’t sell that shit in stores!

–SI party

Overheard by: Rebecca Dash

Woman: This block has the best garbage!

–2nd Avenue & 8th Street

Girl on cell: We’ve already got plans again for this weekend. I’m really excited about this guy; he’s great. He’s really driven, really ready to succeed. He’s a doctor…No, not in real life, on TV.

–57th & Lexington

Overheard by: Heather

White guy: That wasn’t the best day of my life, though. The best day was the day after my birthday when I recoverd my hard drive.

–Astoria party

Overheard by: Noah Starr

Man on cell: I like them shoes with the ruffle. The ones you wore to the Olive Garden that one time.

–Broadway & Prince

Girl: In theory…I was going to end that sentence with, “the dolphins will be OK.”

–7 train

Overheard by: Amado Angel

Lady: Well, he’s an ex-junkie, an alcoholic, mean-tempered, a practicing bisexual, and he has hepatitus C. But he’s a wonderful man and, as guys like that go, he does have great taste in jewelry.

–Midtown office

Girl #1: You know, if you think all songs are sung by a penis, they suddenly become funny.
Girl #2: You are high, you know that?

–91st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: SexyJewThang

Teen girl: Like, I thought he was Jewish but then he ate a gyro so I dumped him.
Teen boy: That’s rough. Did he have it with that white sauce?
Teen girl: What difference does that make? Shit, you’re dumb.

–F train

Overheard by: Steph Gold

Girl: Oh my god, I read today that a woman who won a million dollars in the lottery last year won another million again.
Guy: Yeah, I heard that. That’s amazing. She seems really nice and humble about the winnings.
Girl: Yeah, fuck her.

–23rd & 10th gas station

Man: Yo, what are you selling?
Vendor: Gelato.
Man: What’s that?
Vendor: Read the sign…Fuck you.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Chris

Dude: I really need a second job.
Chick: You should post on craigslist or something.
Dude: Yeah, right. “WILL DO ANYTHING”.
Chick: Whoa, no, don’t say that. Soon you’ll have two cocks in your mouth and one in your ear.

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Peter

Girl: Sorry, I’m trying to be as French as possible.
French guy: Oh, I’m from Bawsten.

–N train

Overheard by: c. dubs

The train pulls out of the underground. Three Hispanic teens look outside.

Hispanic teen #1: You can’t see the Eiffel Tower from here?

They continue looking for a good twenty seconds.

Hispanic teen #2: That shit’s in Paris, yo!

–F train

Overheard by: Daniel Radosh

Guy #1: Are you on crack?
Guy #2: No…
Guy #1: Man, you’re wearing like five jackets. You’re telling me you’re not on crack?

–31st & 8th

Man: So I said, “Bitch, I’ll buy you weed, but you want crack go get it yourself!”

–125th & Park

Woman: I’m not a crackhead. I’m a crack user. There’s a difference.

–Smith & 9th station

Overheard by: Paul Ford

Boy #1: Damn, almost be fallin’ in the tracks.
Boy #2: Dog, you know when you’re on crack you shouldn’t play by the track.

–96th Street 6 station

Overheard by: Eric Barthels

Girl #1: I asked for liposuction for graduation.
Girl #2: Where?
Girl #1: In my ass.
Girl #2: Did you get it?
Girl #1: No. But I’m happy with the car.

–The Equitable Building, Broadway & Pine

Overheard by: Fletch