Lesbian #1: Do you think she’s a trannie?
Lesbian #2: I don’t know. Would you still do her if she was?
Lesbian #1: She’s so hot that it wouldn’t even matter.
Lesbian #2: Then can you let me off the hook for sleeping with that
hermaphrodite?
–Long Island City
Girl #1: Whoa man, you look totally creepy. Like a creepy molester.
Girl #2: It’s a molestache!
–B-Side, Avenue B
Girl: I wonder what kind of cheese they put in these.
Guy: Me too. It’s good.
Girl: What do you think it is?
Guy: Maybe Mozzarella, I’m not sure.
Girl: It doesn’t taste like Mozzarella. I doubt it.
Guy: You’re right. I don’t know. Probably one of them Italian cheeses.
Girl: I wonder. I like it.
–Diner, Astoria
Overheard by: Jenna Vee
Mom: I don’t know why you brought me here. You know there’s nothing here that I can eat.
Chick: What about the steak, Mom? I thought you like steak?
Mom: Goddamn it! You know I forgot my teeth!
–Ruth’s Chris Steak House, W. 51st Street
Guy: What’s the matter, you don’t like the book?
Girl: No, I’m just wondering if we can charge Bush with copyright infringement.
–6 train
Overheard by: Alyson Leigh
Girl #1: I kind of do want to fall in love with someone who quickly ranges from hideous to really attractive.
Girl #2: That’s how I think most people are.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Laura Vinocur
A girl and guy are making out on the street.
Guy: I gotta go.
Girl: Wait, come back.
Guy: I’m busy.
Girl: What’s your name?
Guy: Bill.
Girl: How can I get in touch with you?
Guy: Google it.
–11th Street & 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Girl #1: …so we are at this audition and they ask us to step out and say what we like to do in our spare time. So this guy steps out and says “discussing philosophy”. I mean, how pretentious can you get?
Girl #2: Well, what did you expect him to say? “Getting my dick sucked by total strangers”?
–68th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Betty Noir
Yuppie guy #1: I’ll have a strawberry margarita. As fruity as possible. I just cover it up with a wife and kids.
Yuppie guy #2: Hey, I’m married, and I’m still not comfortable with my sexuality.
Yuppie guy #1: Really?
–79th Street Boat Basin
Overheard by: Andrea Natalie Goldstein
Tween girl #1: His hair is sometimes awful, but it’s sometimes so perfect.
Tween girl #2: I think that’s what gay hair is like.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: emily clinch
