Guy: Today’s my anniversary!
Lady suit: Congratulations!
Guy: I’ve been divorced 28 years today. Bitch drove me crazy.
Lady suit: Oh.
–City Hall
Guy: Today’s my anniversary!
Lady suit: Congratulations!
Guy: I’ve been divorced 28 years today. Bitch drove me crazy.
Lady suit: Oh.
–City Hall
Desperate law student: But I love you!
Heartless biotech: That’s your problem, not mine.
Desperate law student: I can’t live without you.
Heartless biotech: So don’t.
Desperate law student: You wouldn’t even care if I killed myself, would you?
Heartless biotech: Not unless you decided to do it in front of my house and I had to have police and the media there. Then I’d be pissed.
Desperate law student: How can you be so cruel to someone who loves you so much?
Heartless biotech: Oh, just one thing — if you do decide to kill yourself try to do it the week of August sixth, ’cause I’ll be in Martha’s Vineyard with Jason then.
–Brooklyn Law School library
Overheard by: Big Larry – cringing with empathy
Ghetto girl: Man, I can’t believe he did this! I mean, we was in this relationship for like two weeks, and now he be tryin’ to dump me! He was all, “Yeah, we’re over.” I was like, “What you talkin’ about?” Then he was all, “I’m taking you off my Top 8.”
Passerby: He took you off his Top 8? Oh, hell, no.
–Baryshnikov Arts Center
Overheard by: random dancer
Woman #1: She had been dating him for, like, two years and then she saw him on a reality dating show last night. Now she’s going break up with him.
Woman #2: Well, maybe the show was filmed before they were dating. You know, sometimes those things take a while to get on the air.
Woman #1: They were going out for 2 years! Don’t you think he should have at least mentioned to her, “By the way, I was on a dating show”?
–Duane Reade, 52nd between Madison & Park
Overheard by: Captain Obvious
Guy saying goodbye to lady friend: Then I masturbated, and rubbed this sandwich all over myself! (proceeds to rub sub sandwich over his chest)
–46th St & Broadway
Overheard by: James
Man to woman pushing stroller: That guy's kid beats the meat all day long!
–66th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Wow.
Guy in trench coat: He masturbated the other day in order to expel…
–Union Square
Overheard by: Amused
Girl: You really need good hand-eye coordination to masturbate.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Guy on phone: So, even though we're not together anymore, you don't want me seeing other people? (pause) What am I supposed to do? (pause) What do I need to use my hand for?
–White Plains Road
Overheard by: Chad
Man #1: Are you serious?
Man #2: Yep.
Man #1: She really did that?
Man #2: Yep, took everything and left me.
Man #1: God, your mom's a bitch.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Gir
White guy talking about his ex-girlfriend: Then she was like “Oh, I’m getting married. I want you to be part of my wedding.” She was like “You can be my brides-man.”
Even whiter friend: What? Like a groom?
White guy: No! A brides-man.
–6 Train
Overheard by: playtoe
Ghetto girl #1: I'ma fuck her up! I'ma cut that bitch!
Ghetto boy: You gon' kill her?
Ghetto girl #1: Nah, I'ma cut her!
Ghetto girl #2: You can't do that, thas' ya ex!
Ghetto girl #1: Exactly! Thas' why I'ma fuck her up. She broke up with me!
–G Train
Girl: How long since we broke up is it okay for my ex to start having sex?
Guy: Who broke up with who?
Girl: I broke up with him last week. He slept with four girls since.
Guy: I think if you broke up with him, it's okay for him.
Girl: Damn, cause I only slept with one guy since. But I did cheat on him with three guys, so we're even.
–21st St
Overheard by: learning something new everyday
Guy: …and he had, like, shark teeth! Three fucking rows of them! I swear.
–Fulton & Gold
