Mom: You know something? When I was a little girl, my family was so poor that we couldn’t even afford Christmas presents! We got fruit in our stocking and that was it, and we were lucky if we could get one birthday present–
Son, 6: But we have money!
–10th Street & 6th Avenue
Woman on cell: …hon, she had a gut!
Little boy: Mom, chubby is the new black.
–75th & Broadway
Screaming child: I want a smoothie! I want a smoothie! I want a smoothie!
Mom: I’m not buyin’ you no smoothie! I’m buyin’ ice cream and that’s all!
–Ben & Jerry’s, 104th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Inge
Child, reading: Be…kind…to…furry…
Mom: A-ni-mals.
Child: Why?
Mom: You have to be kind to all animals, so people don't think you're crazy and a psychopath.
–Q Train
Son: I thought you were looking for Danielle Steele?
Mom: I am.
Boy: But isn’t that fiction? Why are we in literature?
Mom: Fiction is literature.
Boy: Oh. I thought literature was good writing.
–Barnes & Noble, 5th Avenue
Two-year-old in stroller: I love Barack Obama!
Exasperated mother: We know. We know you love Barack Obama.
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Overheard by: Helena the Great
Girl on cell: Oh my god, I’m shopping with my mom, and she’s shopping for dildos!
–8th & University
Crazy woman to mother of laughing baby: He likes me! At least you know he ain't gonna be gay!
–14th St & Ave B
Four-year-old #1 holding out a gummy snack: Is this a Pygmy Marmoset?
Four-year-old #2: That’s a elephant!
Four-year-old #2’s mom: It’s an elephant.
Four-year-old #1: Ugh. I wanted a Pygmy Marmoset.
–Metro-North to Grand Central
Boy, 7: Who’s that guy again?
Mom: Which one?
Boy, 7: Subway.
Mother: Bernard Goetz.
–B48 bus
