Mother: Okay, 6th floor. Anyone getting off here? Hello, 6th.
Daughter: Mom, shut up. This is us, it’s the 8th floor.
–Apartment Building, Gold Street & Maiden Lane
Mother: Okay, 6th floor. Anyone getting off here? Hello, 6th.
Daughter: Mom, shut up. This is us, it’s the 8th floor.
–Apartment Building, Gold Street & Maiden Lane
Boy, 6: It was magic.
Mom: No, it wasn’t magic; it was a miracle. There is a difference.
–Broadway & Dey
Receptionist lady: What’s your name?
Little boy: Nayan.
Receptionist lady: Can you spell that for me?
Little boy: N-A-Y-A-N.
Receptionist lady: Did your mommy tell you what your name means?
Little Boy: X-ray vision.
–Doctor’s office, Park Slope
Overheard by: Rachel
Father: Oh, you mean hummus. Hamas is a terrorist organization.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Daniel Radosh
Man on stoop on cell: Son, it sounds like you got yourself an STD.
–Windsor Terrace
Overheard by: LaurenG
Dad: Now don’t go getting lost again. It cost me a lot of money to get you back last time.
–Bronx Zoo
Father: It was because of nuclear proliferation. All the dinosaurs shot nukes at each other.
–Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: JB
Man: The last time a bird pooped on me I met your mother.
–Central Park Zoo
Chick: How’s the Wailers concert?
Voice on cell: All we need now is a beer and a spliff!
Chick: Great, Mom.
–University Restaurant, University Place
Overheard by: Becka Dash
Mommy: Here you go, eat your muffin.
Little girl: Mommy, Mommy, I’m peeing my pants.
Mommy: First you fall out of your bed, now you are peeing your pants. I just don’t know what is wrong with you today!
–Bagel Shop, 97th & Broadway
Overheard by: abigail
Crazy lady: I hate my fucking mother and I want to kill her. I want to watch her bleed. She is a fat lazy bitch. She was nothing but a container!
Guy: God will not forgive you if you kill your mother. Can you also keep it down please?
–PATH train
Overheard by: JMK
Mom: Maybe if you listen to me more you’ll get to see Mr. Snap Crackles…Mommy’s going to call him now.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Jake Glazier
Chick on cell :…and then the other day, I had a little baby! Yeah!
–116th & Broadway
NY Post guy: It’s been confirmed! He’s dead! Harry Potter is dead! Killed in a magic train bus explosion. Read it here!
–Penn Station
Guy: …and you can’t get birthmarks shaped like WB characters.
–Teany, Rivington St.
Little girl: That’s how you spell it? Why is there a “p”?
Mom: The doctors didn’t know how to spell it, so they just put a “p” at the beginning to make it look medical.
–Greenpoint corner store
New mom #1: I’ve been constipated for the past three months.
New mom #2: Tell me about it.
–Madison Square Park
