Lady: Sir, this woman is very pregnant. Please give her your seat.
Fat man: Yeah, well, I’m very fat, and that’s basically the same thing.

–4 train

German anarchist guy: …so then they’ll come to the meetings and be like, “Fuck the meetings! The revolution will be spontaneous!”.
American anarchist guy: I know, I know. And we’re always like, “Then why did you come to the meeting?”.

–Chinatown bus

Columbia grad student: …developing a really spectacular
sense of intellectual arrogance.

–Columbia University

Professor, receiving text message in class: Ooh. That’s interesting. Invitation to go dancing, not from my girlfriend. Thank God I’ve got permission… We’re never going to get to anything today, are we? I’m so bad at this…

–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

Chinese professor: You see Chinese like tofu, you never use it.

–John Jay College

Overheard by: soccerking3t

Teen guy: So I ended up in a dress. I don’t think English class will ever be the same.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Natasha

Sadistic professor: Unfortunately we don’t flog people anymore. You usually pass out after you finish screaming.

–Fordham, the Bronx

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Drunken pre-med to drunken boy teetering on a concrete railing: Reed, if you fall, I’m not a doctor yet!

–West Village, 8th & 14th

Overheard by: annie

NYU girl to professor: So, if you’re sleeping with Nietzsche, you shouldn’t ask the question, "What are you thinking?"

–NYU classroom, Mercer & Houston

Youngish man: What does it all mean?
Female friend: What? Life?
Youngish man: Yeah.
Female friend: Poorly maintained leather for the most part.

–11th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Sukhdev

Guy: How can you believe in God? You’ve never seen him.
Girl: Well, I believe you have a brain though I’ve never seen it!

–F train

Teenage girl #1: Oh come on. Just try weed. It’s not that big of a deal.
Teenage girl #2: That’s one line I’ll never cross. That and sucking dick.

–4 train

Yuppie screenwriter girl: So I was a very precocious child. Or whatever, y'know. And I just wanted to explore that dynamic a little bit? Basically it's a buddy picture between the little me and the big me.

–14th & 8th

Yuppie woman: And what do I say to that? "I have a smack habit, give me money"!

–St. Mark's Place

Yuppie man: If I hear "breast milk cupcakes" one more time…

–Outside Gotham Bar and Grill

Yuppie, thoughtfully: It's not the mustard, it's what the mustard represents!

–Food Emporium, 2nd Ave

Stoned Asian #1: I don’t know, man. My buddy used to do that all the time and he’s got, like, three brain cells left.
Stoned Asian #2: Dude, I don’t care. All I know is if it’s bad for you, it must be hella-good!

–Astor Pl

Investment banker #1: God is dead.
Investment banker #2: Nietzsche is dead!

–46th & 5th

Salesguy #1, about teen crowd blocking the door: Do you want to tell them to leave?
Salesguy #2: No.
Salesguy #1: Why not?
Salesguy #2: Because I don’t want to get my ass whooped, that’s why! [Teens leave a few minutes later.] See, they’re gone! It’s all in the power of positive thinking!

–T-Mobile Store, 732 Broadway