The Country Finally Gets the Wednesday One‐Liner It Deserves

20‐something guy to five‐year‐old boy: No, Wolverine and Barack Obama are not the same person.

–Hudson Park Soccer Pitch

Overheard by: Kelli Jo

Swag guy: Get your Obama condoms, put it on when times get hard.

–7^th Ave & 47^th St

Overheard by: Oh no he didn’t.…

Hobo on train: Look at these two girls! If we get married we can make another Obama!

–4 Train

Cute boy: Captain Kirk is the Bush to Picard’s Obama.

–Kent Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Trekkie

Diner to companion: Since Obama’s been President, North Korea has fired like two missiles. They’re testing his foreign policy, uh, you know, they’re testing his gallstones.

–Teddy’s Restaurant, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ken Yapelli

Sock street vendor to passersby: Socks! One dollar, one dollar! One dollar!
(nobody pays attention) Socks! One dollar! Obama! One dollar! Obama! (a few pedestrians stop to browse through his socks)

–New Chinatown, Flushing, Queens

Posted on January 2, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Friends, Guys, Hobos, Illness, Kids, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Movies, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, President, Queens, Race, Shopping, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Vendors & Street Performers, War, Wednesday One-Liners

One, Two, Three, Four, Get Your Wednesday‐One‐Liners on the Floor

Crackhead to French girls: This side of the station is for crackheads only. You are in violation of code 113, this area is reserved for crackheads only. So move now.

–110^th St Train Station

Film man: Gimme five minutes and I’ll give you my left nut.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: S&J

Suit on cell: You hooked up with a 300‐pound girl?

–14^th & 3^rd Ave

Mexican guy: You look like 50 Cent. But in Mexico, your name would be 50 Pesos.

–Caliente Cab Restaurant , 488 3^rd Ave

Overheard by: Mon

Thug: My wife hit me up for fitty bucks, and then my girl hit me up for another fitty bucks, and now I’m all tapped out.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Juliet

Conductor: Come on people! You were born with two eyes. If you would just use them to see that there are three different doors to the train, you would know that you’re holding people up trying to go home! Use your eyes and head and go in another door that people aren’t trying to get out of…Use the head people…Use the head!

–1 Train

Overheard by: megan

Econ major: So is that quadrillion as in past trillion?

–Classroom, NYU

Posted on December 27, 2022
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Balls, Cocaine, Diet/Weight, Family Ties, Hook Ups, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Public Transportation, School and studying, Science, Stupidity, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

You Complete Me, Wednesday One‐Liners

Blonde coed: After he finished yelling at me for a solid ten minutes, he’s like, “So, do you want to be my girlfriend?”

–3^rd Ave & 11^th St

Overheard by: simon

Middle school girl to boy: I don’t normally get with sixth graders, but you’re different…

–10^th St & 1^st Ave

Woman on cell: You are not listening to me. (pause) When you say whatever it is you’re bitching about’, I know that you are not actually listening to me.

–Riverside Park

Guy on cell: I don’t treat you quite as bad as you say.

–Amtrak

Overheard by: Flooey

Boyfriend, about girlfriend enthusiastically cheering on Colbert: Why don’t you scream like that for me?

–The Colbert Report Set

Party girl to friend: So I asked my priest, and he said “I think you should see other people.”

–Park Ave & 29^th St

Overheard by: petey

Posted on December 22, 2022
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Christianity, Compliments, Elementary & Middle School, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Relationships, School and studying, Students, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Well You’re Flat‐Chested, but Did I Point That Out??

Stranger to six‐year‐old girl who is one dollar short when paying: Hey there, sweetheart! I will pay that last dollar for you. Don’t you worry.
Girl: No! You are fat!

–Dylan’s Candy Bar

Overheard by: Acrown

Posted on December 7, 2022
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Comebacks, Diet/Weight, Girls, Grocery Stores, Money & Class, Nice People, Offers and requests, Only in New York, Physical appearance, Should've Used a Condom, Strangers

Raises Hand

Customer: Yeah, can I get one for the movie where the girl’s vagina has teeth?
Box office cashier: Sorry, sir, this show’s sold out. The next one’s at 8:25.
Customer: Sold out? How many people actually want to see a movie where a girl’s vagina has teeth?

–City Cinemas, 12^th St & 2^nd Ave

Overheard by: SplendidConfusion

Posted on November 23, 2022
Cashiers, Customers, Default, Movie Theaters, Movies, Offers and requests, Questions, Teeth, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Weirdness

Dude, You’d Steal the One‐Liners Off a Wednesday

One‐armed cracked‐out dude to equally cracked‐out girlfriend: And he’s lookin’ at me like he ain’t never seen nobody stealin’ before!

–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick

Overheard by: matthias

Drunk man to random girl on street: I mean, I stole this girls’ shoelaces, and then she got really mad at me…

–2^nd Ave & 4^th St

Comedy show peddler: Who wants to buy some stolen shit? (pause) Nah, just kidding, who wants to see a comedy show?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ali

Woman with pink hair to friend: Fuck that bitch, she still stole my clothes when I was in jail.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Renny

Man to woman, about his father: Yeah, he was so great, so smart… A drug addict. He was always there for me. Like, if I needed something, anything, he’d go steal it for me. That’s what sticks with you, you know?

–1 Train

Overheard by: RDM

Posted on October 17, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Clothing, Couples, Drugs, Drunks, Friends, Insults, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Prison, Shoes, Strangers, Street, Theater & Dance, Thievery, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Did You Even Read the Informational Pamphlets I Put on Your Pillows?

Pampered Tribeca child #1: Daddy! Please!
Pampered Tribeca child #2: Daddy! Please can we have Mediterranean eggplant for dinner??
Nebbishy Tribeca dad: You know I can’t eat that! It’s a carb!

–7^th Ave

Overheard by: Briguy

Posted on October 6, 2022
Dads, Default, Diet/Weight, Ethnic Food, Kids, Offers and requests, Stupidity, Vegetarian & Vegan, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

The Hills Are Alive with the Sound Of Wednesday One‐Liners

Puerto Rican Mets fan in day parade, singing: “Aye girl, lemme smell yo feet, aye girl lemme smell yo feet, oooh oooh oooh, lemme smell yo feet.”

–Union Square

Egg‐shaped man with cane, singing to the tune of “What a Wonderful World”: I see little boys, and little girls, they have good parents, but they get screwed up anyway… And I think to myself, I love the babies…

–L Train

Large woman, to the tune of “We Are All One Body”: “We ain’t with no retards! We man’s chil’ren of the world!” (female friend sits across from her) I wish I could fuck every girl in the world!

–Metro‐North Rail

Thug, dressed top to toe in Ed Hardy gear, singing in Eva Gabor accent: “Dahling I love you but give me Park Avenue!”

–51^st St & Park Ave

Boy in hallway, singing: “Don’t want to close my eyes, don’t wanna fall… (laughter from inside closed apartment) Heh‐heh… Shutthefuckup!

–NYU Dorm

Posted on October 4, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boys, Fat People, Friends, Insults, Kids, Laughter, Love, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Puerto Ricans, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Singing, Street, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

It Takes a Lot of Effort To Make Wednesday One‐Liners Look This Good

Guy to male friend: We believe that the better you look, the more spiritual you are.

–1^st St & 5^th Ave., Brooklyn

Overheard by: PrairieSquid

Man collecting money for the homeless: Come on guys, I’m way too pretty to be homeless.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Dara

Middle‐aged African American male, with a blue NY Giants baseball cap on, and a fur coat: I’m pretty… I’m pretty… I’m pretty

–59^th St Subway Station

Overheard by: nickporjr

Bum: Hey pretty! Hey pretty!
[Pretty girl coughs violently and sneezes at the same time.]Bum: Feel better, pretty.

–6^th St & 7^th Ave, Park Slope

Middle‐aged, Chelsea‐fit white guy on iPhone: Well, neither you nor any of your sisters were the beauty that I was…

–21^st St & 8^th Ave

Overheard by: Sean

Middle‐aged man: You know who was good‐looking? Stalin, when he was younger. He was so dashing!

–104^th & West End

Overheard by: communist!

Posted on September 30, 2022
Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Family Ties, Friends, Guys, History & Geography, Homeless, Illness, Men, Nice People, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One‐Liners Happen

Dude on cell: If he wrote a fucking haiku I would shit myself!

–50^th b/w 8^th & 9^th

Hip dude: I was like: “Your voice is drowning me in a wave of bullshit.”

–W 4^th

Customer to associate: Where can I pay for this shit?

–Apple Store, 5^th Ave

Suit on cell: No, I have IBS. IBS! Ya know, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I’ll shit when I gotta shit, and that’s the way this is gonna go!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual

am New York paper guy: Get your free am New York! They’re free because their employees get paid shit!

–53^rd & 7^th Ave

Posted on September 15, 2022
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Customers, Flyer people, Free stuff!, Guys, Illness, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penn Station, Poop, Questions, Shopping, Store, Suits, The Village

Offers and requests