Lady: The only film that Jessica Simpson belongs in is a snuff film.
Guy: Now that shit would be a blockbuster!
–Sony Lincoln Square, 68th Street
Overheard by: Casey McKendrick
Man #1: I don’t recognize any of the actors in the new Dukes of Hazzard movie.
Man #2: There’s one guy who all the kids know in it. He got famous on that show…what was it called?…Asshole.
–Park Slope
Girl #1: …so apparently she died from lysol poisoning–
Girl #2: Wow.
Girl #1: –yeah, she suffocated from one of those boxes that sprays air freshener. No oxygen could get in the room.
–53rd & 6th
Overheard by: J-Mo
Teen girl: I wonder what Marilyn Monroe does in her spare time.
Teen guy: Lie in her coffin?
–2 train
Two guys pass a poster for a Basquiat exhibit.
Guy #1: Is he dead?
Guy #2: Yes. He had AIDS.
Guy #1: How do they know what he looked like?
–Houston & Thompson
Lady: I come here every weekend. It’s my church.
–Manhattan Mall women’s bathroom
Overheard by: Dolly Lowenstein
Guy: She became a Republican to spite our father.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Woman: I really hate Bush. I can’t stand him. The world would be such a better place if he just died…But then there’s Cheney…
–6 train
Drunk guy: You wait right here, I’m going home to get my gun, I’ll be right back!
–23rd between 8th & 9th
Guy: This is the guy I got arrested with in San Antonio for pissing on the Alamo.
–LES party
Overheard by: Caz
Blonde: I hate Anne Rice.
Brunette: Me too! Isn’t she dead?
Blonde: Oh God, no! Remember, she’s writing that Jesus novel?
Brunette: Oh right. For some reason I always think she’s dead.
–The Strand
Overheard by: Sexy Beast
Hobo: Help me! I have 9 starving kids at home!
Suit: Yesterday you had 12 starving kids, what happened?
Hobo: That’s right and the 2 of them died in a horrible fire yesterday! Please help me!
Suit: What happened to the 12th?
Hobo: Man, get the fuck outta here, you’re fucking up my rap!
–57th Street station
Lady: I’m looking for non-leather shoes.
Saleswoman: Why non-leather?
Lady: I’m vegan. I don’t wear any animal products.
Saleswoman: Well, they don’t kill the cows to get the leather.
Lady: Where do you think they get the leather from? Do you think there’s a bunch of skinless cows roaming a farm somewhere?
–Forest Hills shoe store
Overheard by: MG
White woman: You see why I don’t live in Manhattan, especially on the Upper East Side.
White man: Why is that?
White woman: Too many freaking dogs. Everybody and their mother have a goddamn dog. The Upper East Side smells like dog shit and these people will not clean up after their dogs.
White man: I know what you mean. Too many dogs.
White woman: These people should be shot for not cleaning up after their dogs. They should not be allowed to own an animal if they can’t clean up after it. What, rich and snobbish people aren’t allowed to pick up dog crap, is that it?
White man: Well, at least the West Side is not so bad.
White woman: I’m not sure it is any better.
–80th & 3rd
