Gays and Lesbians

Happy Sodom & Gomorrah Day, New York!

Lesbian #1: Huh. There seems to be a disproportionate number of queers around here.
Lesbian #2: Darling, we’re on Christopher Street.

–Christopher Street

Boy: Mom, I want gadgets!
Mother: No, Trevor. Not those gadgets.

–Christopher Street

Thug #1: Why would I pay $170 for new Jordans, when I can pay $250 for a pair of Pradas?
Thug #2: I hear dat.
Thug #1: Plus I’m sure to get more ass in Pradas.

–JFK Airtrain

Overheard by: les koh

Latin guy: What are you staring at?
White guy: I can’t get over how beautiful the bartender is. Look at her, she looks like a movie star.
Latin guy: That’s a guy.
White guy: I know.

–The Stonewall, Christopher Street

Chick on cell: Yo, I’m going to that gay parade, those people are doin’ it. Those boys be makin’ each other cum.

–Target, Atlantic Avenue

She Gives Good Overheard

Girl #1: If she moves into your kitchen and her boyfriend visits, you are gonna overhear them fucking.
Girl #2: Uh-uh. I’m puttin’ the kibosh on that.
Girl #1: You can’t tell them they can’t have sex in her own room where she pays rent!
Girl #2: I don’t want to hear no sex…unless it’s on the porn. Or me. Or two men.

–International Bar, 1st Avenue

Overheard by: Nicole A.

He’s Into White-on-Black Domination

Hipster girl: Is he gay, or just South African?
Hipster boy: Both.

–L train shuttle bus

Overheard by: Justin Sheckler

Take That, Ernst Rohm!

Chick #1: She’s also doing her research project on fag thugs.
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: Like, gay people who are thugs.
Chick #2: They have those?
Chick #1: Apparently.

–Pratt

Shoving Things “There”: No Longer Weird

Bi guy #1: So do you have a lot of threesomes?
Bi guy #2: My girlfriend likes to see me take it up the ass. She’s weird like that.

–Chelsea taxicab

Teen girl #1: How do you know it’s uncomfortable?
Teen girl #2: Just put something in your ass and walk around with it.
Teen girl #1: In your ass?
Teen girl #2: Well, on your ass.

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: Sara R.

Drunk suit: Can I have a gin and tonic?
Irish barman: Only if you have an enema with you, ’cause I’m going to shove it up your arse when I’m done.

–Nancy Whiskey Pub, Lispenard Street

His Lips Are Sealed with Chap’s Dick

Queer #1: I can’t remember where you put my chapstick last night.
Queer #2: Really? I sure do.
Queer #1: Oh, shoot. I really needed them, my lips are really chapped.

–LaGuardia flight

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

The Sickeningly Sweet Scent of Sodomy

Girl: Hey, are you gay?
Guy: Er, yeah I am. How’d you know?
Girl: Score! My gaydar is never wrong! Ever since I came out of the closet it’s just always on!

–B49 bus

Overheard by: Arthur B

FLASH: Golden Showers Are Officially Outre

Man #1: …so it was like a gilded lily.
Man #2: Ha ha. What does that mean, exactly?
Man #1: Well, a lily is already beautiful, so it doesn’t have to be, y’know, gilded.
Man #2: Like the gays?
Man #1: Exactly.

–Xing, 9th Ave & 52nd St.

Overheard by: C. Marisol de la Rosa

Today’s Forecast: It’s Raining Men

Queer: I heard Matt Lauer is gay.
Fag hag: No, I think he’s married.
Queer: Well, you know Sam Champion is gay, right?
Fag hag: Yeah, he’s open about it.
Queer: He and his lover came to Bloomingdale’s to buy bedding. They used to buy a lot of bedding.

–F train

She’s Here, She’s Queer, She’s Not Used to It

Lesbian #1: She told me they were having sex.
Lesbian #2: But what does she mean by sex? Do she mean like, fisting or with strap-ons, or what?
Lesbian #1: Well, she just came out, so I don’t think she knows yet.

–Bonnie’s Grill, Park Slope

Overheard by: Andrea

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