Girl #1: Oh my god, he is *so* hot!
Girl #2: That’s a woman!
Girl #1: Oh my god! Does that make me gay? Am I gay?
–Central Park
Girl #1: Oh my god, he is *so* hot!
Girl #2: That’s a woman!
Girl #1: Oh my god! Does that make me gay? Am I gay?
–Central Park
Woman on phone: So, should I continue not being a whore or should I go get an emergency Brazilian?
–Lexington Ave & 58th
Girl to friend: No, I can’t do tomorrow afternoon. I am getting waxed for the weekend. Just in case.
–3rd Ave & 80th St
Salesgirl to customer: You so have an exfoliating face!
–Sephora, 57th & Lexington
Overheard by: Amanda
Creepy hobo on payphone: So, you’re doing your nails? Mmmmmm…
–Bleecker & Thompson
Overheard by: Thompson
Girl with pounds of makeup on: Yeah, I’m going on lunch right now. I am so exhausted, I did five makeovers today. Yeah, I am so tired…I had a butch.
–Elevator, Macy’s
Overheard by: K Melv
Thug: All I want is a mani‐pedi.
–72nd & Central Park West
Overheard by: wb
Man: Her first husband told her he was gay after 7 years. Her second was a loveless marriage. And then she had coffee with me!
–La Lanterna
Well‐dressed 20‐something woman: So yeah, I keep having sex with all these beautiful women, and then I have no memory of it whatsoever…
Well‐dressed 20‐something man: You’re so lucky. I was roofied once, but my friends were with me the whole time. When I went to the doctor and got blood tests and they found Rohypnol in my system, I was like “and I didn’t even fucking get laid?” (pause) That was literally my first reaction.
–Bowery & Prince
Overheard by: Sealed Beverage Drinker
Teenage boy #1: All I’m saying is it’s false advertising. If you suck dick, you should say you suck dick.
Teenage boy #2: But then everyone will think you’re a fag.
Teenage boy #3: No, no way. You’re telling me that just because I meet a guy whose dick I want to suck, people will think I’m a fag?
–The Loop, Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: octopus
California girl #1: I have, like, *no* gaydar.
California girl #2: You should!
California girl #1: I know!
–Gabby O’Hara’s, Midtown
Overheard by: AEC
Kid #1: You don’t wanna get a sample of ice cream? Well, that’s cause you’re gay!
Kid #2: Are you sure I’m gay?
–Grand Army Plaza
Overheard by: TW
Ghetto guy #1: Yo man, you know what I want right now?
Ghetto guy #2: Pussy?
Ghetto guy #1: Naw man, one of those falafels.
Ghetto guy #2: Not pussy?
Ghetto guy #1, lifting hands up like scale: Man, falafel. Pussy. Pussy. Falafel. I’d take that falafel any day. (pause) Does that make me gay?
–Q Train
Queer #1: I sucked you off and swallowed your cum!
Queer #2: Shh, not now, someone will hear.
Queer #1: No! No one is listening!
Girl next to them: Actually, I’m listening.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Carly
Guy on cell: In a wig, with his pants down, watching her from his car.
–33rd St, Astoria
Overheard by: Ferna
Teen to another: Barack Obama said, “pull your pants up!”
–Broadway & 72nd St
NYU girl: I wanna do it, and I wanna do it in my pants box.
–Weinstein Hall, NYU
Border’s employee to man sleeping in chair: Sir, could you please wake up? …and also zip up your pants.
–Borders
Guy on phone: Well, I guess I thought you might be kind of gay after you invited me to that “no pants” party.
–Astoria
