Gays and Lesbians

Man: I directed a show at a musical theatre awards dinner last night. All the great, older musical writers were there: Kander, Ebbs, everyone. You should see their wives. They’re gorgeous.
Woman: They have wives? I thought they were gay.
Man: Oh, no. They’re Jewish. 


Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won’t let me leave.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Inkling

35‐year‐old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh‐em‐gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.

–R Train

Overheard by: Abby and Holly

20‐something college boy: I mean, there’s no “I” in “threesome.”

–Union Square

Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven’t decided what guy I would tag‐team a girl with yet.

–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd

African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I’ve ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.

–48th St & Broadway

Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain‐Proof Girl

Girl #1: Wow, look at all the babies out here!
Polish queer: Mmm… dinner.
Girl #2: What?
Polish queer: I’m just living up to the stereotype.… Witches? Eating babies?
Girl #2: Oh! I thought you meant Polish people!
Guy: I thought you meant gay people!

–Great Lawn, Central Park

Overheard by: Caroline

Teen #1: So, did your friend come by?
Teen #2: Yeah, for a quick hot minute. And girl, she’s sooo skinny. And she’s pregnant… And she’s a lesbian.
Teen #1: Ohhh…
Teen #2: I told her she could be on Jerry Springer.

–4 train

Overheard by: NinjaRider

Worried girl: I don’t know what to do. I just met her, but she texts me non stop. Once I got off the plane, I had a text from her saying: “how’s New York?” I didn’t respond. It’s weird.
Guy: Does she think you’re a dyke?
Worried girl: I don’t know. I told her my boyfriend and I broke up. I don’t know why she’d think that.
Other girl: You should’ve responded to her text saying something like: “New York is great, I’m just sucking on some guy’s dick right now.”

–Meatpacking District

Straight boy to group of girls: Hey, what are you guys talking about?
Girl #1: Are you sure you want to know?
Boy: Yes.
Girl #2: We’re talking about hot gay guys.
(other girls laugh)
Girl #3: Do you think Jonathan Groff is hot?
(straight boy leaves)

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Kid #1: Do they have gay clothing stores?
Kid #2: Wherever all the gay people are.
Big dude: You guys wanna go watch a Menudo video or something?

–115th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mixmaster Mike

Queer #1, to girl in Red Sox shirt: The Red Sox are fabulous!
Queer #2: Can you be any more gay?

–West 4th & Perry

Hipster #1: What’s up with her? Is she a Lesbian?
Hipster #2: Well, she is Canadian.

–The Mountain Goats Show, Europa, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Becca

Loud teenage guidette: He doesn’t date!
Ugly teenage guidette: Yeah, he’s gay or something. I heard — yeah.
Loud teenage guidette: No, no, he’s protestant — like religious. They worship this Chinese guy…
Ugly teenage guidette: Oh, I heard about that! They don’t date?
Loud teenage guidette: They don’t date white people.