Queer #1: God, it’s so hot. I bet nudists must love it.
Queer #2: Why? They’re still hot, too.
Queer #1: But all they have is pubey bushes. We actually have clothes that are making us hot.
Queer #2: You’re stupid.
Queer #1: But I bet their balls and labias smell.
–50th Street 1 station
Stripper chick: I don’t know, there was a detective that used to hang out with us in the club, maybe I could call him. He used to drive me home and shit.
Queer: Um, is he trustworthy?
Stripper chick: Well, actually he’s pretty shady, but whatever.
Queer: Actually, that’s probably better.
Stripper chick: You know, it probably is!
–A train
Queer #1: Oh my god, answering your cell phone is so out.
Queer #2: Oh, I know, nobody does it anymore.
Queer #1: Yeah, like, answering cell phones is so last year.
–Shake Shack, Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Trent Ward
Chick: We think you should sleep with David.
Queer: We think he’s the kind of guy who’s really scrawny but has a real big cock.
–Lillie’s, Red Hook
Woman: Oh my god, I love my cat. My cat is my reason for living. My cat is like a dog, only in cat form…
–34th & 8th
Hawker guy: AM New York! The rooster of newspapers! Find out why I’m a cock-a-doodle-do-ing!
–42nd & Lexington
Suit on cell: I can’t wait to get back to Boston. This town is like an elephant graveyard for my exes. Yeah, instead of elephants, all my exes come here to rest.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Matt Murdock
Girl: I hit a firefly driving up there and my windshield was all gooey, slimy and shiny…so I thought of you.
–Washington Square
Queer: Ohmigod, I thought that was the ugliest baby in the world, but it’s a bulldog.
–West 4th & Cornelia
Overheard by: Raphael
Girl: I’ve never been pooped on. At least not by a bird.
–71st & 1st
Guy: …yes, I’m going to put that in my octopus.
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Jenny + Pete
Girl: Whoa, it smells like hamster piss right here.
–1st & 1st
Teen boy: Man, next time I see him, it’s over. I’ll throw worms on his ass if I have to.
–Fordham Road
Crazy guy: Want to see my website? It’ll cost you. Want to see it? $100. Naw, you don’t have that sort of money. I need to jazz it up. It has pictures of dead animals on it.
–D train
Overheard by: Taybin Rutkin
Woman: So how was the blind date?
Man: Ugh, you know. He’s tall, white, and a vegan. The same as every man in this world.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Mike Drucker
Lesbian #1: Huh. There seems to be a disproportionate number of queers around here.
Lesbian #2: Darling, we’re on Christopher Street.
–Christopher Street
Boy: Mom, I want gadgets!
Mother: No, Trevor. Not those gadgets.
–Christopher Street
Thug #1: Why would I pay $170 for new Jordans, when I can pay $250 for a pair of Pradas?
Thug #2: I hear dat.
Thug #1: Plus I’m sure to get more ass in Pradas.
–JFK Airtrain
Overheard by: les koh
Latin guy: What are you staring at?
White guy: I can’t get over how beautiful the bartender is. Look at her, she looks like a movie star.
Latin guy: That’s a guy.
White guy: I know.
–The Stonewall, Christopher Street
Chick on cell: Yo, I’m going to that gay parade, those people are doin’ it. Those boys be makin’ each other cum.
–Target, Atlantic Avenue
Queer: As my grandmother used to say, you’ve got one fuckable ass.
–Marie’s Crisis, Grove Street
Overheard by: catherine
Hobo: How you doin’? How you doin’? I’m doin’ good. Yeah, you know I’m doin’ good, cause I’m lookin’ good! And you know why I look good? ’cause I clean mah ass!
–1 train
Overheard by: Alex Valentine
NYU chick: All this work is going to fuck me in the ass so much my boyfriend won’t be able to.
–Silver Building, Waverly Place
Chick: I can’t believe how much he charged me for this disposable camera. I was like, “Why don’t you fuck me up the ass while you’re at it?”
–55th & 3rd
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Black guy: Damn, it smells like open ass around here.
–Canal & Broadway
Overheard by: Daniel
Queer: who would you rather go out with: Jesus or me?
Girl: Jesus. He can give me eternal life.
–F train
Queer: Yeah he’d be perfect for you if he wasn’t straight. You both love dogs.
–13th & A
Girl: So I have, like, this army of lesbians chasing after me, but it’s too bad; I have to tell them I switched back over.
–St. Mark’s & 2nd
Guy: …sprinkled cocaine in his asshole and snorted it.
–18th between 5th & 6th
Pretty-boy: She’s like, “So I’m not a tranny just because I can’t afford the hormones?” and I’m like, “Um, yeah”. I mean, it’s my party, I can call you “she” if I want to!
–Atlas cafe, Williamsburg
Overheard by: emdashes
Girl: It’s not because you’re gay…it’s because we’re better than you.
–Greenpoint
