Queer guys

Queer on cell: And then, at the end of the evening, I was like, ‘Ta ta, motherfucker.’

–PATH train from Hoboken

Queer: There’s no such thing as gay and straight. I think of it more in terms of what people will let me do to them.

–101st & Broadway

Queer: She is so annoying. I’m like, ‘I’ll pay for your coffin, just die already!’

–E train

Overheard by: Miss Meliss

Flaming queer on cell: Hello? Are you listening to me? Are you listening, faggot? Faggot, faggot, faggot, faggot!

–Broadway & Astor Pl

Overheard by: Renee B.

Proud queer: Today was the first time in years I peed like this! [Holds hands up] Didn’t have to wash my hands because I didn’t use ’em!

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Hametuka

Queer: Her name is Dakota! It’s just awful. Her parents hate her.

–Fordham Law School

Overheard by: emily

Queer: Does your family have ham or turkey for Christmas dinner?
Girl: We can’t have ham on Christmas, it isn’t kosher. We have turkey.
Queer: Why are you celebrating Christmas if you’re Jewish?
Girl: Dunno. Good question.

–East Village

Girl: If you were an animal, what would you be?
Boy: Fabulous?

–Balducci’s

Overheard by: That’s not an animal

Queer #1, to girl in Red Sox shirt: The Red Sox are fabulous!
Queer #2: Can you be any more gay?

–West 4th & Perry

Girl: Isn’t Rumsfeld gay? I mean, isn’t he, like, a known closet queen?
Queer: I don’t… Is he? Is my ‘dar off?
Girl: I think so.
Queer: No, I don’t. I can’t imagine any gay man would be self‐hating enough to fuck Donald Rumsfeld.
Girl: Oh, please. Gay men have been self‐hating enough to kill other gay men.
Queer: Yeah, but killing someone and fucking Rumsfeld are two very different things.

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: I’d rather kill someone

Father to young son: We’ll get an apartment in Kentucky. Then you’ll only have to go to school through 6th grade.”

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Dashing Dan

Jewy girl on cell: He’s an apartment broker?… Last time you said he dealt with hedge funds… Yea, I don’t think they are the same thing.

–21st St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Lezbotron

Guy: Well, my week has been interesting. Last month Meredith tried to sublet my apartment right out from under me. So, this week I went through her stuff and mailed her boyfriend –wait no, fiancé– a receipt from when she got an abortion last summer.

–10th & 1st

Overheard by: ED

Reasonable cop: Even though it’s a stinkin friggin apartment, he’s got a place to put his ugly fuckin head.

–Dunkin Donuts, Woodside, Queens

Twink #1 to twink #2: I believe in my heart of hearts that I should live in an apartment like the ones in Woody Allen movies.

–50th St & 9th Ave

Conductor on very crowded F train: Those of you with very small apartments will appreciate them now.

–F Train

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

30‐something fag hag: I mean, cum is a fine substance. In small quantities it can even be kind of pleasant. But you wouldn’t want a bucket of it.
Queer: Speak for yourself.

–Miracle Grill

Overheard by: Trying not to choke on my nachos

Girl: So I decided that from now on, I’m not kissing anyone on one night stands.
Queer (gasping): That’s so Pretty Woman!

–A Train

Latina to male stranger: I’m bi, my homegirl bi, my sister bi. My other sister kissed a girl…
Girl nearby: My mom bi.
Guy: But I’m not. I’m gay.

–Bus

Overheard by: needs a car

Sales guy: Are you going to Google me?
Queer: I don’t know, are you Google‐able?

–Saks Fifth Avenue