Queer: So how was your date?
Hispanic chick: Oh, it was nice, he was nice and sweet, and a real gentleman, you know, he would hold open doors, make sure to walk between me and the street, you know, really nice.
Queer: Oh, you know what that totally screams?
Hispanic chick: What?
Queer: That totally screams: I want to get into your vagina right now!
–6 train
Overheard by: Luke Reynolds
Queer: Excuse me, but what is the owner’s name again?
Host: I am the owner.
Queer: Really?
Host: Yeah, there are five of us.
Queer: Damn. Well, which one did I fuck?
–THAT Bar, Smith Street
Girl: Hey, are you gay?
Guy: Er, yeah I am. How’d you know?
Girl: Score! My gaydar is never wrong! Ever since I came out of the closet it’s just always on!
–B49 bus
Overheard by: Arthur B
Queer #1: Honey, can you imagine if you had two holes?
Queer #2: Hmm.
Queer #1: Could you fart in stereo? Do you shit out of both holes? If you are going to get fucked and you did a Fleet in one hole, but not the other, do you tell the guy which hole is clean? And suppose you forget which one and he strikes oil?
–The Dish, 8th Ave. & 21st St.
Queer: My sister is so concerned about her son playing with dolls because it will turn him gay. I’m like, “It’s not because I was playing with dolls that I was gay, it was that I looked at a guy and got a hardon!”.
–Japonica, University Place
Overheard by: Rick T
Fashionista: …he was amazing! It’s so rare to find a man familiar with Dr. Hauschka’s.
Queer: You’re in Chelsea, hon.
–18th St. bet. 7th & 8th
Overheard by: alicia
Patron: They know what I am: drunk, gay, and in search of food!…This tastes like cock!
He was later escorted out of the restaurant with his friends.
–Dawat, E. 58th St.
Overheard by: MissHell
Queer: Thursday nights are the best nights if you like NYU Guys!
–11th St. & 1st Avenue
Overheard by: Rachel W
Queer #1: …so essentially if I didn’t get accepted to NYU for law I would have become a magician.
Queer #2: Really?
Queer #1: Yeah. I have the hat and scarves and everything.
–Dojo, Greenwich Village
Guy on cell: It’s not like I sucked some guy’s dick last…oh wait, I did!
–Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: a.alvarez & c.palmatier
Guy: I’m sorry, I left my foundation at home today.
–The Flame, Clinton
Overheard by: Sandy
