Wednesday One-Liners Get Blotto Like Otto

Blonde to other: Don't worry, within like an hour you'll have Jameson running through your system.

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal

Girl on cell: I'm kind of hungover–I think that gin and tonic was a bad idea. I was already drunk, I don't know why I felt the need to have one… And then I went home and made scrambled eggs, and then I wrote a long email to Jen* about how good they were and then I read it this morning and I was like "I am such an idiot!"

–Broadway & Great Jones

Overheard by: Lillian

Sorority girl on cell: Well, I'm going to have some champagne, but it's not like I'm knocking back shots with the guys. (pause) Yeah, I know, I know, I'll be careful. (pause) Don't worry, mom, I've done worse drugs than drink before! (long pause) I don't want to talk about it. (long long pause) So…I'm going to go horseback riding!

–Broadway & 34th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Horsies Are Pretty

Bartender: Ladies and gentlemen! Don't run away from or by the bar! You have an hour to walk to your seats. Again, please do not run from the bar, run to it!

—Wicked, Broadway

Girl to friend: I only get tipsy enough to go into the Virgin Megastore…

–2nd Ave & 10th St

Overheard by: Jonathan

Man to friend, about AA: Y'know, if I could drink like normal people, I'd get drunk every night.

–Central Park

Overheard by: John Tidyman

Girl to friend: When I told you to seize the moment I didn't know you were drunk!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Rebecca

Posted on June 15, 2023
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Drunks, Family Ties, Food, Friends, Girls, Internet, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Sports, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

At Least about the Mustache

Deaf Malay guy: My friends and I are thinking of making a movie called ‘Hitler is Right.’
Deaf gay guy: What was he right about?
Deaf Malay guy: About the Jews. If he had finished what he started, there would be no more Jews and the world would be better.
Deaf gay guy: And we wouldn’t exist either.
Deaf Malay guy: Why not?
Deaf gay guy: Because he also killed non-Aryans, homos, and deaf people.
Deaf Malay guy: Really?
Deaf gay guy: Yes.
Deaf Malay guy: Oh. Well, I still think Hitler was right.

–Starbucks, Times Square

Posted on May 25, 2023
Queer guys, Starbucks, Times Square

Yeah, We Make New Yorkers Look Like Teacup Poodles

Black guy: Where you from?
Tourist: Maryland.
Black guy: Cool. I’ve seen The Wire. I know how you guys get down.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Alex

Posted on May 25, 2023
Black People, Default, Questions, Times Square, Tourists, TV, U.S. Geography

You Hear That, Mary-Kate? Come Out of Hiding!

Chick #1: The girl puts on 10 pounds and nobody wants her.
Chick #2: But she did cocaine.
Chick #1: Big deal! Everyone does cocaine!

–Conde Nast Building, Times Square

Posted on May 18, 2023
Cocaine, Diet/Weight, Girls, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Ride a Vespa

Hipster on cell: I’m not even buying anything. I’m just here to be seen.

–Trader Joe’s

Hipster boy: I loves me some master race!

–Lobby, the Met

Overheard by: Shayna

Tipsy hipster girl: Wine is so, like, the blood of the gods!

–W 4th & Christopher St

Hipster guy: I think the most truly good person who’s ever been on this earth was Gandhi. Or maybe Martin Luther King, Junior… But he was black.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ghandi was Indian..

Drunk chick: What kind of hipsters are you that you won’t fuck a girl just because she wants to wear a Sailor Moon costume?

–St. Mark’s Pl

Posted on April 22, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, Clothing, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Hipsters, History & Geography, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, Museums, On Cell, People, Places, Politics, Race, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Shopping, The Met, The Village, Times Square, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues

Wednesday One-Liners for Vanessa Hudgens

Girl on phone: Well then, riddle me this, smart guy: why'd I wake up naked?

–Smith & Sackett, Cobble Hill

Overheard by: Swimfan

Girl: Oh my god! I can't wait to see them naked!

–Elevator, Times Square Arts Center

Overheard by: Natalie

Museum worker: And then I woke up buck naked in a hotel, and there were pictures of me all over the room.

–Museum of Art and Design

Guy: No, I will not do it in here again. Just because I'm wearing nothing under my jacket, doesn't mean I'm going to flash a crowd of people in every store we enter. I've done it three times already. Get your rocks off some other way.

–Columbus Circle Mall Escalator

Overheard by: Martin

Drunk girl at NYU protest: I don't even know why I'm here, I just want to take off my clothes!

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: Lilo

Girl on train: Oh, hi! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on.

–A Train

Overheard by: Don't even wanna know

Girl on cell: So I'm gonna be naked, but that's okay, I'll be wearing rollerblades.

–N 4th & Bedford Ave

Posted on March 1, 2023
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Drunks, Elevators, Girls, Guys, Malls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, Nudity, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pictures, Questions, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

That Don’t Justify Your Becoming a Hooker

Pretentious snob lady: New York is soooo Vegas these days.

–Times Square

Posted on December 21, 2022
Gripes, Times Square, Women

…Whew! That's the Most Thinking I've Done in a While.

Wife: Is Ozzy Osbourne the one with the long blonde hair?
Husband: He's not blonde! He's done drugs his whole life!
Wife: Is he black?
Husband: No, you're thinking of Gene Simmons.
Wife: Oh, of course! (pause) No, I think I was thinking of Lady Gaga.

–BB King's, Times Square

Posted on December 6, 2022
Bars & Clubs, Couples, Drugs, Hair, Music, Physical appearance, Questions, Race, Times Square

Dude, You'd Steal the One-Liners Off a Wednesday

One-armed cracked-out dude to equally cracked-out girlfriend: And he's lookin' at me like he ain't never seen nobody stealin' before!

–Maria Hernandez Park, Bushwick

Overheard by: matthias

Drunk man to random girl on street: I mean, I stole this girls' shoelaces, and then she got really mad at me…

–2nd Ave & 4th St

Comedy show peddler: Who wants to buy some stolen shit? (pause) Nah, just kidding, who wants to see a comedy show?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Ali

Woman with pink hair to friend: Fuck that bitch, she still stole my clothes when I was in jail.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Renny

Man to woman, about his father: Yeah, he was so great, so smart… A drug addict. He was always there for me. Like, if I needed something, anything, he'd go steal it for me. That's what sticks with you, you know?

–1 Train

Overheard by: RDM

Posted on October 17, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Clothing, Couples, Drugs, Drunks, Friends, Insults, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Prison, Shoes, Strangers, Street, Theater & Dance, Thievery, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women