Times Square

Meek tourist, after spending 10 minutes trying to hail a cab: Can you please help me hail a cab?
Disgruntled cop: Fuck you! Find your own damn cab! Christ!

–Times Square

Girl #1: I can’t go out with him. He’s fat.
Girl #2: So are you.
Girl #1: Really? Oh… yeah.

–Applebee’s, Times Square

Overheard by: eee!

Man on date: I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but since I was little I had an imaginary friend named Picoletto.
Woman he’s dating: Holy shit! You know Pico!

–McDonald’s, Times Square

Overheard by: JP

Chick #1: So yeah, all this time I've never had PMS before. Like ever. Now that all this hormonal shit is going on, it all caught up with me this past week.
Chick #2: What do you mean?
Chick #1: I've been eating M&M's, Fritos, chocolate-covered pretzels, and Powerade this entire week, and I can't go 10 minutes without crying.
Chick #2: Are you prego?
Chick #1: No, I think I just fucking won the endocrine lottery.

--Times Square shuttle

Overheard by: Glynnis O

Woman: Did you get off?
Friend: No! The weatherman retracted his 10 inches.

–Times Square

Guy #1: Dude, let’s go see Fiddler on the Roof. I heard it’s sick.
Guy #2: Oh, that’s the sequel to The Wizard of Oz, right? With the witch of the East… Right?
Guy #1: Let’s go get high.
Guy #2: Okay.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Darius Izad

Flustered woman, about her brood: Have we lost anyone yet?
Husband: Ummm… No.
Flustered woman: Well, who are we going to lose first? Because we haven’t lost anyone yet.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Josh

Headline by: Aeirlys

· “Because Abortion THIS Late in the Term Is Just Tacky” — Hillary Claire
· “Hobos Aren’t Born. They’re Made.” — Krisztina
· “It Looked So Much Easier in Home Alone” — You Don’t Want To Know
· “Things Were Shaky Until Fraulein Maria Came Along” — allison
· “Two Roads Diverged in the Woods — I Chose the One My Children Couldn’t Travel” — Drewp

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

20‐something: Can I get an eggnog steamer cut with skim? Is that possible?
Barista: Ma’am, anything’s possible. Next!

–Starbucks, Times Square

The Premature Ejaculators’ Society’s in New York on Business

British guy #1, weaving through umbrellas: You paid for a good time, not a long time.
British guy #2, sounding disgruntled: Well, I want a refund.

–Outside Bubba Gump Shrimp, Times Square

Overheard by: Mildred and Gertrude

Crazy guy: Jodie Foster is a top notch actress!
Girl: Okay.
Crazy guy: Julia Roberts is going down!
Girl: Are they going to fight?

–Shubert Theater, West 44th Street