Multiculturalism, Overheard Style

Clearly the Googleionaires Have Never Walked the NYC Streets

Date: Tue, 2 Aug 2005 11:51:21 -0700
From: Google AdSense
To: morgan@westegg.com
Subject: Google AdSense Account Status
Cc: Google AdSense

Hello Steven,

Thank you for your interest in Google AdSense. After reviewing your application, our program specialists have found that it does not comply with our policies. Therefore, we’re unable to accept you into Google AdSense at this time.

We did not approve your application for the reasons listed below. If you are able to resolve these issues, please feel free to reply to this email for reconsideration when you have made the changes.

Issues:

– Inappropriate language

———————

Further detail:

Inappropriate language: We’ve found that your website contains content that isn’t in compliance with our program policies. We don’t allow websites with excessive profanity or potentially offensive content to participate in Google AdSense. Please review our policies(https://www.google.com/adsense/policies?hl=en_US) for a complete list of site content not allowed on web pages.

[Surely they don’t mean “nigga”? –Ed.]

Just Get Him Sauced and Toss Him in the Broiler

Obnoxious white lawyer to his China doll date: We’ll have unaju. I think unaju is eel from the sea, and unaji is eel from a river.
Obnoxious white laywer to the Japanese sushi chef: We’ll have unaju. Is it true that unaju is eel from the sea, and unaji is eel from a river?
Japanese sushi chef nods politely.
Obnoxious white lawyer to his China doll date: Did you hear that? Unaju is eel from the sea, and unaji is eel from a river.

–Shimizu, W 51st & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Asian American couple who had to deal with this all night long

Wednesday One-Liners Get Schooled

Professor: So what do we know about these debt notes?" (silence) So what do *I* know about these debt notes, that obviously you don't know?

–NYU Law School

Overheard by: Ames

Professor: My favorite words to hear are "just do nothing." My second favorites are "open bar."

–College of Mount Saint Vincent, Bronx

Environmental history professor: Look at some of the items on this menu from a hotel of Chicago Thanksgiving dinner from 1872: loin of buffalo, antelope steak in mushroom sauce, ham of bear, black tail deer, leg of mountain sheep, buffalo tongue… Miss Palin, your table is ready.

–Classroom, Fordham University

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Linguistics professor, about Spanish-speaking families who live in Spanish-speaking neighborhoods: The only English these people hear is from their landlords and social workers.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Latka Hero

NYU professor: So we're going to be walking, and you'll notice I walk pretty fast. But we're in New York, and you're supposed to walk like you know exactly where you're going in life and nothing is in your way. Because if you slow down you'll get mugged. (beat) It's dog eat dog, people.

–NYU Classroom

Russian literature professor: Oh my god, you just totally missed the point of Jesus!

–NYU Classroom

Ay Carumba!

Latina: People are always saying I look Asian. Do you see it?
Asian guy: Well, you know, Mexicans look a lot like Asians.
White girl: Yeah, they have those same narrow eyes.
Asian guy: And they’re short.

–Amy’s Bread, Bleecker Street

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

This Always Happens When You Listen to Maya Angelou

Older man hugging younger man: Wassup, my nigga?
Younger man: Dad, cut it out. We’re white.

–Leonard & Lafayette St

Overheard by: Big Larry

Maybe That Worked on Your Mormon Girlfriend

Skinny white guy: I’m like, really excited for that Israel parade. Like, I think it will be a really nice experience for me.
Jewish girl: Mmhmm.
Skinny white guy: No, I’m serious. I love Jews. And like, I’m not just saying it to get into your pants.

–Penn Station

Multi-Cultural: Urban Outfitters and J. Crew

Six-year-old girl: Wow! Look at those go-go boots. The East Village is so multi-cultural.
Her father: You think so? It’s mostly rich, white people now.

–East 7th St

And, by the Way, ‘Grammatically Correctly’ Is Needlessly Redundant

Belligerent white woman: Could you get of the way?
Black teen: I be trying!
Belligerent white woman: You should speak gramatically correctly!
Smartass: “I be trying” isn’t ungrammatical. It’s standard usage in African-American vernacular English.
Belligerent white woman: Oh, what would you know?
Smartass: I have a Ph.D. in linguistics from MIT.

–A train

Next Time Impede the Investigation in Finnish

[Patrol car flashing lights at curb. Small group of high-schoolers corralled against wall]Police officer: So what happened –what did you see?
Sharp teen: No hablo inglés.
Officer, in perfect Spanish: Entonces, que pasó? Qué viste?
Smart teen: No hablo español!

–85th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Christopher Stone

It’s a Cultural Thing

College student #1: You look tired, what have you been doing?
College student #2: I’ve just been jogging.
College student #1: Like that? Why do Chinese people always go jogging in jeans?

–Marshak Hall, City College

Overheard by: liselle boyett

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