Crazy guy: They have millions of dollars! But they’re mongoloids! They have more money than New York City! But they’re mongoloids! Put it at the top of your list! They have more money than New York State! But they’re mongoloids!
–G train
Overheard by: Stephie Russell
Short guy: You from Guyana?
Black chick: Yes, I am.
Short guy: Damn! I can always tell a Guyanese woman!
Black chick: Oh yeah? How?
Short guy: By your front teeth. You all have that funny gap thing going on. See? You got it too!
–3 train
Overheard by: Karen Seiger
White girl: Excuse me…excuse me…Can I please get the fuck by?
Hispanic guy: You don’t have to push, bitch!
White girl: Well, if you would stop with all that Mira! Mira! Mira! shit and stop looking and start listening maybe you wouldn’t get yelled at like a dumbass!
–A train, 125th Street station
Overheard by: Dixie Mae
A Russian lady mutters to herself: I want to be at the front of the line so I can pick my seat, I’m not sitting by some fat, smelly person.
She tries to cut to the front of the line, unsuccessfully.
Russian lady: I was here the whole time! I was standing right next to this lady!
This lady: No, she wasn’t.
Conductor: You better get to the back of the line, ma’am.
Russian lady: But I was here the whole time! Where’s your manager? I want to talk to the manager!
Conductor: Please step to the back of the line, you’ve gotta wait in line like everyone else.
Russian lady: I know what your problem is! I bet you don’t like white people!
Everyone else in line burst out laughing, and she was escorted away by security.
–Port Authority
Woman: Well, at least the Mexicans are friendly and they’re always working. Unlike those goddamn Russians! You know what I mean!
–Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
White guy: You know, on the Tokyo subways they have people who push passengers onto trains. Uh, have you ever been to Tokyo?
Asian guy: No.
White guy: Oh. Are you Japanese?
Asian guy: No.
White guy: Oh. Where you from?
Asian guy: Queens.
–N train
Overheard by: Rich
Stumbling drunk: Viva Mexico! Fuck all the niggers! I hate niggers! Viva Mexico!
–Union Square
Woman: …and did you hear him say that he brainwashed my husband when he was in Iraq?
–27th Street elevator
Old junkie: You red-headed nigga! I saw you on 2nd street! You had an office…in somone’s funky ass! And you’re from Europe!
–F train
Overheard by: Ali
Lady: If he could fuck like he makes quesadillas, I’d be a lucky woman.
–Astoria deli
Overheard by: Stuart Bridgett
Guy on cell: True Spanish girls wear heels in a blizzard!
–33rd Street & Park Avenue
Overheard by: Chris D.
Hobo (to Hispanic construction workers): Remember the Alamo!
–34th & Madison Avenue
Black guy: They’re taking over! Where the shit am I supposed to eat?
–Rivington Street
Customer: I’ll have a slice of the eggplant.
Pizza guy: You know that’s organic right?
Customer: That’s fine. How long have you guys been organic?
Pizza guy: Oh, about 2 weeks now. The white girls are loving it.
–Delancey & Essex pizzeria
Overheard by: Brian
Dad (to son, 6): Do you want to go to Cafe Pertutti or Oren’s Daily Roast?
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: RPK
Old man: You know it’s New York cabbies when you have aliens, automobiles, and a lot of assholes.
–Astoria
Guy: One time, I was walking down the street wearing a track suit and this blind guy was behind me and he said, “Look, it’s a zebra.”
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Tori Hill
Girl on cell: You want immigrants to be your maids, your cashiers…You’re not ready for immigrants to be your doctors, your lawyers….I don’t think of myself as an immigrant. I think of myself as an expatriate.
–2nd Ave. & 10th St. liquor store
A Russian man was blocking the way out of the store.
American woman: Excuse me.
Russian man: I’m picking my lemons.
American woman: Whadya want us all to do, play leapfrog over you? Move it please.
Russian man: You’re stupid.
American woman: Stupid? I got one word for you. Chernobyl! How’s that for stupid? Bet you were working there, you fucking asshole. Now move it, you fuckin’ retard!
–Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
