Old Italian lady #1: Your cat’s gonna get hit!
Asian Lady: Wha?
Old Italian lady #1: Your cat: it’s in the street! Someone’s gonna run over it!
Asian lady: Huh?
Old Italian lady #1: Your ca–
Old Italian lady #2: She doesn’t care about the cat. Those Orientals, they eat cats.
–Carroll Gardens bodega
Chinese woman #1: Her husband is so cheap!
Chinese woman #2: Yeah, well…
Chinese woman #1: Where do you find someone like that?
Chinese woman #2: He’s a Shanghai-nese.
Chinese woman #1: Oh…Well, you know how those people are.
Translated from the Chinese.
–7 train
Lady: Do you have a sushi menu?
Waiter: This is a Chinese restaurant.
Lady: …So no sushi?
–Suzie’s, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Joey
Guy #1: Oh man, you have to try this dessert I had the other night.
Guy #2: OK, what is it?
Guy #1: It’s this plum pie I had a la mode. Incredible.
Guy #2: That sounds like something European fags eat to stop diarrhea.
Guy #1: I said plum, not prune.
–Christopher & Hudson
Overheard by: Global Hipster
Black girl: Oh my God, this train is crowded.
Japanese guy: In Tokyo, the trains are much more crowded than this!
Black girl: Why? ’cause they can fit so many more of you little guys on it?
–6 train
Overheard by: Carri
Guy on cell: Why am I walking around the West Village? Because I was around straight people all day, that’s why.
–Jane Street & 8th Avenue
Girl on cell inside bathroom stall: I’m not Asian…and I never will be!
–Failte, 2nd Avenue between 29th & 30th
Overheard by: GSK
Latina on cell: Man, I’m Spanish and even I don’t understand Spanish reggae.
–Park Slope
Hipster girl: Is he gay, or just South African?
Hipster boy: Both.
–L train shuttle bus
Overheard by: Justin Sheckler
Crazy guy: They have millions of dollars! But they’re mongoloids! They have more money than New York City! But they’re mongoloids! Put it at the top of your list! They have more money than New York State! But they’re mongoloids!
–G train
Overheard by: Stephie Russell
Short guy: You from Guyana?
Black chick: Yes, I am.
Short guy: Damn! I can always tell a Guyanese woman!
Black chick: Oh yeah? How?
Short guy: By your front teeth. You all have that funny gap thing going on. See? You got it too!
–3 train
Overheard by: Karen Seiger
White girl: Excuse me…excuse me…Can I please get the fuck by?
Hispanic guy: You don’t have to push, bitch!
White girl: Well, if you would stop with all that Mira! Mira! Mira! shit and stop looking and start listening maybe you wouldn’t get yelled at like a dumbass!
–A train, 125th Street station
Overheard by: Dixie Mae
