Asians

Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.

–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island

Overheard by: Marina Tricorico

Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.

–Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Alice Huang

Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!

–84th & Broadway

Overheard by: rachel

Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.

–Chelsea

20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!

–Spring & W Broadway

Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Preppy Asian girl #1: Look! The crazy religious people gave me a key chain.
Preppy Asian girl #2: What's it say?
Preppy Asian girl #1: That I'm number one with Jesus.
Preppy Asian girl #2: I don't think Jesus will appreciate the fact that you're a slut.

–N Train

Eight-year-old girl, singing: Fat lips, big lips, get your pregnant lips here!

–6 Train

Out-of-breath man on steps: Okay, man, breathe. Breathe like you're having your first child!

–W4 Subway

Overheard by: Keep Pushing On!

Pregnant woman on cell: So, yeah, I'm about 5 centimeters dilated, so I'm going to get a Tasti D-Lite and then go to the hospital.

–Rockefeller Center

Hot skinny, Asian girl to hot, skinny, blonde friends: So, am I going to get pregnant this month or what?

–57th & Park

Overheard by: would have liked to help her

Girl on phone: Okay, so I got the pregnancy test and the vodka. We'll see which one wins.

–6 Train

Half-Asian girl: Yeah, somehow when you’re Asian, you’re related to everybody.
Confused guy: Really?

–29th & 9th

Overheard by: Jesse

Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won't let me leave.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Inkling

35-year-old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh-em-gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.

–R Train

Overheard by: Abby and Holly

20-something college boy: I mean, there's no "I" in "threesome."

–Union Square

Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven't decided what guy I would tag-team a girl with yet.

–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd

African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I've ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.

–48th St & Broadway

Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain-Proof Girl

Asian chick #1, on seeing a cop on a horse: How do they get the shoes on the horse? Do they like slip it on?
Asian chick #2: No. Cuz then they’d fall off.
Asian chick #1: Oh… Are they born with them?
Asian chick #2: No… Wait. I don’t think so…

–Times Square

Overheard by: Cecilia

Eastern European girl: Jimmy* is a dirty boy.
Asian girl: Really? Why is Jimmy a dirty boy?
Eastern European girl: He said dirty things to me online.
Asian girl: He said dirty things to you online? Like what?
Eastern European girl: I don’t want to talk about it right now.
Asian girl: Does he make you uncomfortable?
Eastern European girl: Yeah, sometimes he does — like, when he tells me to send him pictures of myself with my shirt off.
Asian girl: Does it make you scared?
Eastern European girl: No, I just don’t have any pictures of myself with my shirt off.
Asian girl: Then why don’t you take some?
Eastern European girl: I don’t know.
Asian girl: You know what? I’ll help you. I’ll go to your house right now and take some pictures of you with your shirt off, and then you can send them to Jimmy, okay?
Eastern European girl: Okay.

–Downtown 6 train

Immature boy complaining about health video: Why is it that they put those mosaic blurry thingies on the nipples and show everything else?
Asian girl trying to do homework: God, you horny bastard!

–Hunter College High School

Overheard by: stop asking about bra sizes

Asian boy: Why are you wearing a belt over your shirt?
Asian girl: I don’t know. I like the way it looks.
Asian boy: Belts are supposed to hold your pants up. It can’t hold anything up if it’s over your shirt.
Asian girl: It’s fashion, okay?! My god!
Asian boy: … I hope your pants fall down!

–Stuyvesant High

Overheard by: she was wearing a skirt

Drunk guy to laughing Asian: There is no theory of evolution–only a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Girlfriend: Babe, no more Chuck Norris, please!
Drunk guy: But Chuck Nor…
Girlfriend: No, give me one good reason you should talk about Chuck Norris.
Drunk guy (without hesitation): Cause god wanted 10 days to create the world, and Chuck Norris only gave him 6, do you want an 8-day work week? Huh?
Girlfriend to friend: How did I just lose this argument?
Friend: Yeah, that was unexpected.

–Zanzibar Bar

Overheard by: Wish i was chuck norris