Asians

Hobo: Spare some change for the fucking poor? Yeah, that’s right, you fucking chinks. Fucking slanty-eyed flat-assed bitches! Suck my ass!
Asian woman: He said my butt was flat!

–114th & Broadway

Asian girl: I should totally be on that white rapper show on TV.
White girl, sincerely: Oh, yeah! Just, like… change your skin!

–R train

Overheard by: Dani

Guido #1: Yo, girl, wassup, wassup?
Pretty Asian girl, walking briskly: I don't want your services.
Guido #1: I don't got no services. Whachu talkin bout, services? Psh!
Guido #2: Yo, you would service her.
Guido #1: Yeah, bro, I would totally service her!

–22nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ilikecandy

Frustrated stylist on computer: How do you spell "Google"?

–Dramatics Hair Salon

Hot Asian woman: She hasn't even posted her face on Facebook!

–88th & 2nd

Overheard by: Sam H.

Teen to friend: My mom still hasn't Facebooked me back about taking care of my dog.

–Bedford Ave

Overheard by: kayt

Sorority girl: Like…oh my god. We should write about ourselves on Juicy Campus and see what other people say.

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: Angela

Middle-aged janitor: You've got to try that internet! It has everything!

–MoMA

Overheard by: Cristina

Black woman in trashy outfit: And he said "But the party just started, bitch, I'll take you in a few hours!" and I was like, "Nigga please! My water just broke!"

–Lower East Side

Asian bimbo on cell: I just spoke to Percy and allegedly they threw a party after we were fired, to celebrate us getting fired…but we're people too.

–181 & St Nicholas

Overheard by: must not have liked you

Hipster girl: My all-time dream is to be shot by the cobra snake at a party, with a cig in my hand and Paul* between my thighs.

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Dayn

Tattooed guy on iPhone: Yeah, I'm bringing a 250-foot Slip 'N Slide!

–7th & 13th St

Overheard by: can I come to that party?

Loud man on cell: Yo, son! Why didn't you invite to your party? Damn…c'mon! Remember that time the chick in a wheelchair was working us in the cab? Yeah, she was in a wheelchair! Remember we got a cab for her and put her in the cab? That's right–that was me! She was giving us both head.

–BBQ Restroom, 8th Ave, Chelsea

20-something woman: Wait…when is it a rule to give the host a handjob?

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Jazz

Chick: So are you Japanese?
Waitress: No, I’m–
Chick: Chinese? Korean?
Waitress: –I’m Indonesian.
Chick: …where is that?
Waitress: Asia.
Chick: …Oh, you mean like, with Malaysia, Vietnam, Korea and all those others!
Waitress: Yes…
Chick: And they’re all related, right?…And they’re in the same country?

–Wasabi, Greenpoint

Overly talkative man, after seeing “transparent monument” exhibit: I saw a white cloud and a gray cloud but I didn't see no black cloud…If I was Native American I would see a red cloud!
Man's Asian girlfriend: Or a purple one!
Overly talkative man: What?!

–Elevator, The Met

Overheard by: liselle boyette

Asian yuppie: Plus, I wanna know when I'm going to get my share of those statues!
Jewish hipster: Just because you look like the Qin emperor doesn't mean you deserve to get his stuff.
Asian yuppie: Well, if not me, then who?

–1 Train

Hobo: Chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken, steak!
Asian man: Yes.

–57th & Broadway

Asian girl: Do you want to go eat Korean food?
Little brother: What does it taste like?
Asian girl: It’s like American food.

–Manhattan Mall Food Court, 33rd & 6th