Backdoor

Wednesday One-liners Want Sexual Healing

Hipster on cell: You make me so horny I want to split a tab of xstacy and shove it up your ass.

–11th & 2nd

Guy trying to whisper to girlfriend in line: Do not make me freak you this early in the morning.

–Post office, Park Slope

Chick on cell: …so not only am I self-medicating through random sexual encounters…

–In front of Barnes & Noble , Union Square

Overheard by: Carol

Chick to friends: He was like, “Say you love me. Say my name. Say, ‘I love you John*!’ And I was like, “Can we just concentrate on the task at hand, here?”

–Lafayette & Bond

Overheard by: jayloo

Someday, He’ll Be Right

Blonde: Sean, Em just told us something very interesting about herself!
Queer: What? Oh my god! Did you finally have butt sex? I knew it! You let him stick it in your butt.

–Outside the W, Union Square

Overheard by: she had a nice butt…

Let’s Not Bicker and Argue over Who Tapped Who

Hipster chick #1: Augh! His ass is hairy!
Hipster chick #2: Hahaha, and disgusting! I would never, ever tap that.
Hipster chick #1: You can’t tap that — guys can only tap girls’ asses… Right?
Hipster chick #2: Sure. Probably. Yes. But when you hang out with a gay guy all day long, things like that get a bit hazy.

–Starbucks

Is Anything More Fun Than Shocking the Prudish?

Drunk girl #1: Have you let him cross the border?
Sober girl: W-what?
Drunk girl #2: You have, haven’t you?!
Sober girl: I don’t even know what ‘cross the border’ means…
Drunk girl #2: It means in the butt!
Drunk girl #1: C’mon, girl, let him cross it! Give that man citizenship!

–Lafayette & White

Overheard by: meanstreet

Wednesday One-liners by Peter

Suit: My dick was totally in one hand pissing while I was talking to the client.

–48th & Madison

It’s a Great Party Trick

Girl: Oh! Did I tell you? Karen* had an orgasm from anal!
Queer: You guys can can do that too?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Sean, not queer but not straight

Backdoor Wednesday One-liners

Drunk: If God didn’t want us to be gay, He wouldn’t have put our g-spot all the way up our ass!

–3rd Ave. between 11th & 12th

Overheard by: Zack

Fratboy: So if I tell her I wanna put my tongue up her ass, you think she’ll relate to me?

–1st Ave. & 10th St.

Overheard by: Sarah T.

Fiancee: OK, fine. You can have strippers at your bachelor party. But if I hear you stuck your dick in some nasty hooker’s ass, I’m never sucking it again.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Mad William Flint

Woman: Yeah, whatever, Mr. Doesn’t-Know-What-a-Suppository-Is!

–The Angelica, Houston Street

Goombah: Nah, nah, nah…I’d suck a guy’s dick balls deep, but I would never eat a man’s ass. That’s just gay.

–Williamsburg

I Never Believed Tupac Was Dead

Bronx guy: I mean, he’s fuckin’ a 12-year-old boy right now, as we speak.
Transit worker: I hear ya.

–Grand Central

She Totally Got Sodomized by the Hulk

Girl: I talked to Jackie. She got some kind of bug in India!
Guy: Oh, no! What happened?
Girl: I don’t think I should talk about this now.
Guy: Whatever, no one cares.
Girl: Okay. Well, she was shitting green.
Guy: Oh, my God! Wait, I should not be laughing, that is not funny at all.
Girl: Yeah, and the doctor asked her to bring in a stool sample and she was shitting so much that she brought one in a half hour later. The doctors were like, “What the fuck?”.

–Union Square Regal Cinemas

“Try telling her that.”

Guy: Wait, you had anal sex?
Girl: Yeah. It really hurt.
Guy: Well, what did you expect? Why did you do it?
Girl: You have to try everything once, just as my mother told me.
Guy: I don’t think you’re meant to include anal.

–Umi Sushi, 2nd Avenue

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