Boy #1: Do you want to split a bun?
Boy #2: No! I’m not gay!
Boy #1: “Split a bun” means a fucking hamburger, you asshole!
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: CAP
Boy #1: Do you want to split a bun?
Boy #2: No! I’m not gay!
Boy #1: “Split a bun” means a fucking hamburger, you asshole!
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: CAP
Bi guy #1: So do you have a lot of threesomes?
Bi guy #2: My girlfriend likes to see me take it up the ass. She’s weird like that.
–Chelsea taxicab
Teen girl #1: How do you know it’s uncomfortable?
Teen girl #2: Just put something in your ass and walk around with it.
Teen girl #1: In your ass?
Teen girl #2: Well, on your ass.
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: Sara R.
Drunk suit: Can I have a gin and tonic?
Irish barman: Only if you have an enema with you, ’cause I’m going to shove it up your arse when I’m done.
–Nancy Whiskey Pub, Lispenard Street
Queer: Excuse me, but what is the owner’s name again?
Host: I am the owner.
Queer: Really?
Host: Yeah, there are five of us.
Queer: Damn. Well, which one did I fuck?
–THAT Bar, Smith Street
Queer #1: Honey, can you imagine if you had two holes?
Queer #2: Hmm.
Queer #1: Could you fart in stereo? Do you shit out of both holes? If you are going to get fucked and you did a Fleet in one hole, but not the other, do you tell the guy which hole is clean? And suppose you forget which one and he strikes oil?
–The Dish, 8th Ave. & 21st St.
Girl: …so I told him to suck his own dick if he thinks he can do it any better.
–G train
Overheard by: Ocera
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, do you have a penis?
–E train
Overheard by: Ting
JHS kid: …so I said, “He’s gonna make you stay after class and he’s gonna pull down your fucking pants and shove his fucking cock up your ass!”
–Times Square shuttle
Overheard by: Lizzy
Teen girl: Yo, I heard he fucked a fat girl in Remi and she was so big he couldn’t get his arms around her!
–Astoria Dunkin’ Donuts
Overheard by: Jack
UES chick on cell: …so then he takes me to this party, where there’s all these topless chicks and crap, and I’m like, “Come on! Haven’t I stroked your ego enough?”.
–88th and Park
Overheard by: ikanread
Girl: No, I will not have anal sex with your boyfriend!
–Union Square station
Girl on cell: …and it was right after he said that that I started doing double penetration, and I’ve never looked back.
–C train
Overheard by: Mickey Marx
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the B train. B like, like, like, um, brothel.
–B train
Overheard by: ed
Guy on cell: …no, not her. A new chick…Yeah, man, yeah. You know me; I’m anally ambitious. I’m gonna be in her like a gerbil.
–M72 bus
Overheard by: Alexandra
Man #1: So did you get the golden ticket?
Man #2: The what?
Man #1: The golden ticket to the chocolate factory, did you get it?
Man #2: What?
Man #1: Anal! Did you hit her up the butt?
Man #2: Oh! Ha ha…yeah, finally.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Marco Formosa
Homey #1: Yo, hold up…Jesus was a virgin?! He went from 12 to 33 with nothing?
Homey #2: Fuck that shit. He definitely got his dick sucked or buttfucked some bitches.
–L Train, 8th Avenue
Overheard by: Brian McCaffrey
Thug: Damn! You can’t go nowhere now without seeing faggots. I saw two brothers holding hands on the train the other day. It’s like they were coming out of the closet on the train!
Thugette: There ain’t no closet on the train.
–L Train, 8th Avenue
Girl: So then I asked everyone, “Who’s ever had anal?” and then he turned around…
–St. John’s University
Overheard by: Megan Cowles
Girl: Cattle? Who said anything about cattle? Now chickens…they’re fun to molest sometimes.
–Fort Greene
