With This Ring, I Thee Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to marry me and you hesitated. You hesitated!

–Grand Central Terminal

Acting professor: Act as if you're fascinated by what they're saying, while thinking about something else. That's what boys learn to do when they get married.

–NYU

Overheard by: Lisa

Man, advising another flirting with hot woman: You gotta go for it–unless she's married!

–2 Train

Five-year-old boy to another: Yeah, well… I'll let you marry my daughter!

–10th St & University

Overheard by: Ricky

Man to male friend: So basically, I took her to a gay bar on our wedding night.

–Central Park

Chick to guy: Are we *seriously* arguing about whether or not aunt Jemima would support gay marriage?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on November 29, 2020
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Kids, Marriage, Men, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Park Slope, Parks, School and studying, Street, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Theater & Dance, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wasn't This a Teen Movie?

Teen girl to friends: I've heard that they unleash packs of Rottweilers here at night.
Friends: What?
Girl: Yeah, to keep people from just hiding in here and sleeping, or whatever. Because it's so big and they can't cover the whole thing… Packs of Rottweilers covering the woods… (friends gasp)

–New York Botanical Gardens

Posted on November 15, 2020
Friends, Girls, Man's Best Friend, Parks, Teens, Violence, Weirdness

Also Doesn’t Know: Scotch Tape, Sharpie…

Guy: Do you carry Frisbees?
Duane Reade lady: What’s a Frisbee?

–Duane Reade, 89th and Columbus

Overheard by: Ethan Aronoff

Posted on October 25, 2020
Fitness, Guys, Parks, Women

Ssshhh! DSS Is Listening.

Mother: Honey, put on your shirt. This is a shirt and shoes kind of place.
Small boy: But you let me at home!

–Brooklyn Botanical Garden

Overheard by: Jonathan K.

Posted on September 29, 2020
Brooklyn, Clothing, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Moms, Parents, Parks, Shoes

The Naked Singing Telegram Rethinks Her Business Model

Chick #1: How’d it go?
Chick #2: Good. I sang the three notes good and he looked up from his computer and smiled.
Chick #1: Hmmm, good.
Chick #2: Or he could have been looking at these…
Chick #1: Oh yeah, he was checking out your boobs!

–Elevator, W 26 St between 6th Ave & 7th Ave

Overheard by: mondo man

Posted on August 24, 2020
Elevators, Girls, Parks, Singing

American Booty Failed to Draw Crowds to Theaters

Large black woman sitting down on park bench: Oooh, my booty itchy!
Large black woman friend, sitting down with her: Ha ha! You talkin' bout “my booty itchy!”

–Avenue of the Americas & Canal

Posted on August 22, 2020
Ass, Black People, Fat People, Laughter, Parks, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

We're Jewish, Dad

Son having tantrum: I don't want to go to the park! (throws his coat on the ground)
Father: Did you just take your coat off? I'm going to tell the Virgin Mary you're not wearing your coat, and then you know it will get back to Santa!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: canvasser

Posted on August 13, 2020
Brooklyn, Christianity, Clothing, Dads, Family Ties, Kids, Parks, Should've Used a Condom, Weirdness

Welcome to the Wednesday One-Liner Positioning System

Girl on cell, looking for her friends: Can you see me? Look at the sun, I'm directly under it right now.

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Guy on cell: Yeah, we'll go now. Okay. Right now, I'm at 116 and Hamsterdam–Hamsterdam? What the fuck did I just say? Oh, wow, that is a disturbing mental image. Yeah, exactly. River full of hamsters. Okay, see ya.

–116th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: That would be truly terrifying.

Harlem woman on cell: Come find me! I'm on the downtown side of the street!

–East Side

Drunk guy on cell: Yo, I'm on the corner of fuckin' somethin' an somethin'.

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Drunk on cell: Where am I? Where am I? I'm at the corner of Charles Street and motherfucking I don't know!

–West Village

Woman to friends: Oh thank god! I feel so much safer now that we're at 7th Avenue.

–G Train

Posted on August 13, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Street, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

“What What (In the Wednesday One-Liner)”

Girl to teenage posse: Either the pen was really weak or his butt was really strong.

–Jackson Heights, Queens

Overheard by: Newsbunny doesn't want to know

Crazy guy to self, after average woman walks by: Damn, that was a fine ass, a fine ass, that ass was so fine I'd eat a sandwich out that ass!

–36th & Broadway

Overheard by: Dingleberry

Large grown woman to grown man: I thought you have all sorts of butt magazines…

–34th & 8th

Guy to girl: I like it when you wear jeans, girl! It's like your ass is gift wrapped!

–33rd & 7th

Older woman to younger woman: If your booty deserves the credit, give it the credit!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Hell Yeah Give it the Credit!

Posted on August 8, 2020
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crazies, Fat People, Food, Gifts, Girls, Guys, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Queens, Street, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Circumcision Peels the Potato; Neutering Juliennes It

Man: We had him circumcised.
Woman: Circumcised?
Man: Yeah, whatever you do with dogs. You know…
Woman: Neutered?
Man: Isn't that the same thing?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Nettle

Posted on August 3, 2020
Central Park, Health and Hygiene, Man's Best Friend, Men, Parks, Private Parts, Questions, Women, Words

Parks