Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let Down Your Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: I can't believe you broke a nail on your own ass hair!

–Church & Chambers

Three-year-old boy to another: I like you but I don't like your baby because your baby grabbed my hair.

–Central Park, Great Lawn

Girl: Oh, I'm so glad this is all working out. (gets up and sees her reflection) Fuck! Why didn't you tell me my hair looked like a dead beaver?

–Prince St Cafe

Overheard by: It DID

Black woman to infant held by her mother: Where did you get all of that hair? I want some of that hair. (pats her head) This ain't my hair, I could really use yours.

–Harlem Polling Station

Overheard by: Joe

Girl yelling into cell: He's not even hairy!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Well then why do they call him that?

Chick: I thought we were made for each other, but he's too bearded.

–113th St

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Posted on November 4, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Ass, Babies, Black People, Body Parts, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Hair, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Kids, Love, On Cell, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

If They Had Kids, There’s a Fifth Option

Girl: Think you’ll be able to convince your parents to go see a movie or something over Christmas?
Guy: Not a chance. My parents are impossible to motivate to do anything.
Girl: Ah, I bet you could get them to at least try during the holidays.
Guy: I’m not kidding…They are completely exhausted by eating, sleeping, shitting, and working. That’s all they have energy for.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: BBW

Posted on September 22, 2019
Food, Friends, Holidays, Jobs & Careers, Lower East Side, Movies, Parents, Parks, Poop

Guess That Also Explains Why You're So Fashionably Thin!

Woman with crew cut to salesman: Excuse me, my husband's glow necklace is leaking–may I exchange it?
(glow necklace salesman hands her a new one)
Salesman: And that's a lovely haircut you have!
Woman, not amused: I'm going through cancer.

–Prospect Park

Posted on July 25, 2019
Brooklyn, Cancer, Clerks, Compliments, Fashion, Hair, Offers and requests, Parks, Weirdness, Women

…Molded to Look Like a Banana.

Guy drinking beer at 7 am, yelling: Hey! Is that a fried banana? Is that a fried banana?!
Girl, eating: No.
Guy: Oh, it's just a regular banana?
Girl: It's a cinnamon bun.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Samantha Chalek

Posted on July 1, 2019
Drunks, Food, Girls, Guys, Parks, Questions, Washington Square Park

Wednesday One-Liners Call It “Extreme Sharing”

20-something hipster to friend, punching him in the arm: Dude, you stole my Facebook status!

–Central Park

Overheard by: dude, just think up a new one!

Cable man to another, standing in line at Wendy's: Yeah, I was across the street at Popeyes, but it looked like some man was going to rob the place, so I came here instead.

–Flatbush & Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Anna

Crazy lady to pigeon: Get outta here! You ain't gonna get none if you beg. You gotta wait for me to give it to you. (throws bread in other direction) That's why you ain't get none. (a few minutes later, she gets up to leave) Alright. It's been real. Thank for not stealing my potato chips.

–Tribeca Park

Four-year-old boy to mom: Mom, when you take chips from my bag without asking, you're stealing. We talked about this. We talked about this at length.

–Uptown 3 Train

Overheard by: This girl from NY

Posted on June 12, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Brooklyn, Central Park, Crazies, Crime and Punishment, Facebook, Fears, Food, Friends, Hipsters, Kids, Men, Moms, On the Subway, One-liners, Paranoia, Parents, Parks, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Thievery, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

… And Patronize Our Vendors

A tourist mom with three teens in tow halts in the middle of the block, causing two suits and several other people to crash into them.

Suit #1: For the love of God, move, you idiots! There are people walking behind you!
Tourist mom: You don’t have to be so rude!
Suit #2: He’s rude? You clearly see this is a busy sidewalk, and yet you stop dead in the middle and block all traffic!
Tourist mom: He didn’t have to say it so rude — we are not from around here!
Suit #1: And does that somehow excuse your being idiots and stopping in the middle of a busy street?
Tourist mom: At least we are not so rude in Tennessee!
Suit #2: That explains the idiocy, but it still isn’t an excuse.
Tourist mom: That was unnecessary!
Suit #1: Perhaps, but it’s true.
Suit #2: Here, maybe this is more polite: Welcome to New York. Slow walking idiots prone to stopping for no reason stay to the fucking right of busy sidewalks, and don’t get in the way of the non-mentally impaired locals. Now fuck off.

–50th & 6th

Posted on June 5, 2019
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Etiquette, Men, Moms, Parks, Rednecks, Suits, Women

And Your Mother Keeps Giving Birth to Human Children

Cute little girl: Daddy! Daddy! Come over here!
Large angry man: No! I want to see the monkeys!

–Central Park Zoo

Posted on April 22, 2019
Animals & Nature, Central Park, Dads, Fat People, Kids, Parents, Parks, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

He Thinks Outside the Box, and That's What I Love About Him

Ditzy runner #1: So I was like “did you use your juicer?” and he was like “yeah, but it went bad” and I was like “how did it go bad?” and he was like “well, I juiced a potato!”
Ditzy runner #2: A potato?
Ditzy runner #1, pleased with her story: a potato.

–Central Park, During JP Morgan Chase 5K Run

Posted on April 2, 2019
Athletes, Central Park, Drinks, Food, Parades & Festitivites, Parks, Questions, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Worry That Trucker Hats May Be Out

Hipster girl: I hate it when obviously uncool people wear flannel.

–E Train

Overheard by: dru

Hipster girl: Shark Week is a week? It lasted like a month last year.

–N 6th St, Williamsburg

Frumpy hipster: No! Hipsters melt in the rain!

–McCarren Park Pool, Greenpoint

Hipster on cell: No, I've never heard of a nocturnal squirrel… Do you even… Wait, are you trying to tell me you're gay?! No? Well, this is awkward…

–Central Park

Hipster guy to another: Have you ever played with yourself under a blacklight? There's like all kinds of shit on your dick!

–Union Hall

Overheard by: Cass

Frumpy mom, holding up item for hipster tween daughter: Catherine, is this ironic?

–Beacon's Closet, Williamsburg

Posted on February 13, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Central Park, Clothing, Families, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Hipsters, Masturbation, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, Parks, Penis, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Stupidity, Time, TV, Tweens, Weather, Weirdness, Williamsburg

Itching, Burning, Flaking Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to friend: I told him you had fucking mad STDs because he said he wanted to fuck you. (pause) You're welcome!

–Washington Square Park

Suit exiting cab: Yo, make sure you don't give him your number. He's got crabs.

–30th Ave & 30th St, Astoria

Overheard by: OhKellyO

Blonde 20-something on phone: Either the universe just proved there is no god, or he is a motherfucking cunt! (pauses, then in low tone) Because… I think I have herpes.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: close enough to hear the herpes part

Thug to thugette: I didn't have warts on my body till I met you.

–Metro North

Overheard by: baconista

Guy on cell, leaning casually against fire hydrant: Hey, so, I just got my test results back, and… uh… so I got herpes. So… maybe you should get yourself tested. (pause) No, no, no. No. No! Dammit, Jessica, listen, I… fuck. Sorry, Jennifer. No, I–no, I'm sorry, I've just been making this call a lot today. (pause) Hello?

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Kytt

Posted on January 30, 2019
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Astoria, Battery Park, Brooklyn, Friends, Friendship, Girls, God, Guys, Insults, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Promiscuity, Relationships, Science, Sex, STDs, Street, Suits, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Parks