Girl: See that lady over there? She’s like…orgasming to her iPod.
Guy: (laughs)
Girl: No, seriously. She’s so funny to watch. Who the fuck orgasms to a song?
Guy: I’d orgasm to a good song.
Girl: Yeah? What’s a good song?
Guy: That one by Nine Inch Nails. Something like “I Wanna Fuck You Like an Animal.”
(little boy observing animals stares, puzzled)
–Central Park Zoo
Bimbette: I don’t think I’ve ever been that grossed out during the day. It all started when that woman smelled like pee…
–6 Train
Overheard by: j
Female suit: We were above an Indian restaurant and he was banging me from behind. I could smell the curry, and while he was banging me I was gagging.
–NJ Transit
Chick: You smell like vag and pizza.
–Borders
Girl to friend, after bending head down into her: Damn my puss stank.
–E Train
Overheard by: Nicole
College guy (screaming at friend): Dude! How are you even in college?! You smell like Oust! You smell like Tropical Glade!
–1 Train
Concerned hipster: I know you just orgasmed, but what’s that smell?
–E 9th & 3rd
Overheard by: Peanut
Teenage girl #1: I heard something really awkward today, want to hear it?
Teenage girl #2: Okay.
Teenage girl #1: I heard that when you sneeze, you have one‐eighth of an orgasm.
Teenage girl #2: Orgasms must be terrible.
–6th Ave
Overheard by: Sunny
Girl: You have a stain on the front of your pants.
Boy: I have a stain from your front on my pants.
–N train
Guy #1: Look at that ass.
Guy #2: That is tight.
Guy #1: Man, I would have came eight times.
–W Train
Guy: Can I get a Sparkling Mango?
His GF stares at him.
Guy: I’m very secure with my sexuality. And after making you come so sweetly – twice! – you should be too.
–Schiller’s, Rivington Street
Overheard by: Idan
Young man: I think I hurt my throat when impersonating Mark having an orgasm.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Harmony Davis
Older queer to boyfriend: Uh! Uh! I’m gonna cum! I’m gonna cum! I have to have this record! It’s so good! It makes me orgasm!
–W 72nd S, Record Store
Overheard by: Never achieved an orgasm that way…
Punk kid to two friends: I want to pierce my shaft and put different things in it so I can give girls better orgasms.
–West Village
Overheard by: Andy & Nick
Man on pay phone: I want to come all over your cock.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: sofia
Drunk chick, loudly as the bar goes silent: I could make you come with one finger!
–Bar, Fulton St
Overheard by: Izzy
JAP, reflecting: I think I might be a drug dealer.
–Spot’s Café
JAP: Yeah! I went to Israel this summer! And they all looked at me like I was an idiot! They don’t have Uggs there… They don’t have burgers… They don’t have loosies!
–Hunter College
Jappy teen: I’ve never done anything for society and I’ve done just fine.
–University & 12th
JAP: Bitch, “Jewish” is a religion!
–17th & 6th
NYU JAP: I told my dad that I couldn’t go to the scholarship fair because I had to get my nails done, and I think we’re still in a fight!
–Goddard Hall, NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Maya G.
Jappy girl to friend: [Sighs.] I’m losing faith in humanity, one orgasm at a time.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Ponine
Loud chick to male companion: And she sings when she orgasms! Like, “a‑a‐a‐a‐aaaah!” and “e‑e‐e‐e‐eeeeeee!”
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Ladle
Man outside Starbucks: Dude! I gave Sharon an orgasm over the phone last night. (laughs)
–Starbucks, 14th St
Overheard by: Elizabel
Subway musician: Y’all better be good ’cause Santa Claus only comes once a year. But that’s between him and Mrs. Claus.
–W 4th St Subway Platform
Young man on cell: It looks like a 42‐inch orgasm.
–Posman Books, Grand Central Terminal
Overheard by: ant
Hot chick to another: You’re like the Mother Teresa of orgasms!
–1020 Bar, 110th & Broadway
Overheard by: Chuck Bass
Ghetto college kid: God put me on this Earth to make sure every woman cums!
–Brooklyn‐bound B train
Overheard by: Not coming
Man to friend: Being a vet involves more than just having orgasms at animal shows with puppies.
–10th & 3rd
Overheard by: Becky
Queer on cell: Yeah, so, I’m on my computer surfing the Internet last night and my roommate walks over and just cums in my face… Yeah, no, it was totally random.
–14th & 6th
Chick on cell: If I cum while eating, you can bet you’ll get a text!
–Harlem
Overheard by: Hott Bi Luvr
Senile lady with cane, to no one: All you girls think about is orgasms.
–15th & 5th
Overheard by: Morgan
Professor, pointing at student: … And we all know that Kyle* gets off on electronic media.
–NYU
Geek: Every time Darwin mentions the natural economy, I orgasm.
–Columbia University
