A Little Wednesday One-Liner in a Big Pond

Drunk girl: I just love a cock in my mouth! It is a fact of my life, like Blair and Tootie. I want to be carnivorous. I will eat fish if it's the only thing on the menu, but I really just want some meat! I'm not fishiverous!

–Party, Ditmars Boulevard, Astoria

Overheard by: likes steak AND seafood

Girl to friend: Surely if she was ever in possession of a penis, then on merit she would inherit the family lobster farm?

–28th & 7th

Ginger: Garibaldi… That is so weird. That is the name of the California state fish. I wonder if the statue is named after the fish.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: camillo cavour

Man to wife: That's too much calamari, even for a homeless guy.

–East Village

Posted on September 24, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, BJs, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Family Ties, Food, Friends, Girls, History & Geography, Homeless, Names, One-liners, Parades & Festitivites, Parks, Penis, Street, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Visual Art, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Hits Me Hard Since My Left Lung Collapsed

Girl: Damn, it’s really cold!
Guy: I know! I hate having to smoke outside in this weather.
Girl: Totally — they should let us smoke inside when it gets like this. Cold weather is bad for your health, y’know?

–29th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Jah Shu Wah

Posted on June 4, 2022
Advice, Astoria, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Smoking, Weather

Wednesday Puts Its One-Liners on One Leg at a Time

Guy on cell: In a wig, with his pants down, watching her from his car.

–33rd St, Astoria

Overheard by: Ferna

Teen to another: Barack Obama said, "pull your pants up!"

–Broadway & 72nd St

NYU girl: I wanna do it, and I wanna do it in my pants box.

–Weinstein Hall, NYU

Border's employee to man sleeping in chair: Sir, could you please wake up? …and also zip up your pants.

–Borders

Guy on phone: Well, I guess I thought you might be kind of gay after you invited me to that "no pants" party.

–Astoria

Posted on March 26, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Cars and Driving, Celebrations/Parties, Clerks, Clothing, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Men, Nudity, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, President, Sex, Sorority Girls, Store, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Never Dinner, Though

Astoria girl #1: Ohmigod! I'm going to dinner with my hot guy friend tonight! His picture is on Facebook, I'll show you!
(shows friend photo)
Astoria girl #2: Oh, I know him, I used to have sex with his roommate!

–Astoria Park

Posted on March 19, 2022
Astoria, Facebook, Food, Girls, Parks, Physical appearance, Pictures, Sex

Threeway One-Liners

Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won't let me leave.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Inkling

35-year-old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh-em-gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.

–R Train

Overheard by: Abby and Holly

20-something college boy: I mean, there's no "I" in "threesome."

–Union Square

Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven't decided what guy I would tag-team a girl with yet.

–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd

African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I've ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.

–48th St & Broadway

Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain-Proof Girl

Posted on January 25, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Astoria, Baristas, Bars & Clubs, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Frat Boys, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgy, Parks, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Three is Company, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Hipster chick with "valley girl" accent: Ya, like, ohmigod, ewwwwww… So I was reading Cosmo, and like, there was this story, about like, guys' confessions, you know? And like, this random guy actually said, like, "Sometimes, I rub my dick on my cat's fur, and it feels good."

–Washington Square Park

10-year-old girl to another: I bet his idea of a hot girl is the crazy cat lady across the street.

–34th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Samantha

Woman to another: I have a friend in Belgium now–we both have cats!

–One World Financial Center

Overheard by: macgeekgrl

Brunette on phone: Do you want to play with your cat or do you want to play with me?

–60th St b/w Park & Madison

Overheard by: Adam B.

20-something on cell: And when I woke up, I had no idea where I was. Then I realized I was spooning his cat.

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: J Cox

Posted on January 17, 2022
Astoria, Beastiality, Bimbettes, Friendship, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Penis, Physical appearance, Pop Culture, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Just Send Me a Fax

Hobo #1: Hey, how's it going?
Hobo #2: Okay.
Hobo #1: I'll call you tonight!
Hobo #2: I don't have a phone.
Hobo #1: I know.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Natalie

Posted on November 1, 2021
Astoria, Hobos, Lies, Street, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Weirdness

The Sum Of All Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: And when my brother got near him, his poop came out. That's how scared he was.

–107th & Broadway

Woman on cell: So yeah, they are really scary, like if you walk in the house they will bark really loud, and that's totally worse than them biting you.

–Majestic Theater

Girl on cell: I went in for genetic counseling and I found out things that scared me.

–10th Ave & 39th St

Overheard by: Todd Fletcher

Girl on cell: No, you can't go! I'm too stoned and too scared. Just stay on the phone with me, please.

–Supermarket, Astoria

Conductor: Never fear! The phantom of the train is here!

–7 Train

Overheard by: Alex

Posted on June 14, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Conductors, Family Ties, Fears, Girls, Grocery Stores, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Man's Best Friend, Medicine, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Poop, Public Transportation, Theater, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Weirdness, Women

It’s All Greek to Me

Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee.

–Midtown office

Posted on September 8, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Babies, Foreigners, Grocery Stores, Ground Zero, Man's Best Friend, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Office, On Cell, On the Bus, People, Places, Poop, Pop Culture, Port Authority, Queens, Shoot, Suits, Times Square, Topics, TV, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Violence, Women

Where Lawyers Come From

Spazzed customer: Yo, dude, I need something to help me concentrate. I have to take a really big test and then I can forget it all. I have to take the bar — have you heard of that? It’s for being a lawyer.
Employee: Um, well, we have this herbal product to increase the blood flow to your brain.
Spazzed customer: Can I smoke pot with it?
Employee: Uh, sure.
Spazzed customer: Great. You take credit cards?
Employee: Yeah.
Spazzed customer: Great, thanks [leaves the store without buying anything].

–GNC, Astoria

Posted on September 8, 2020
Astoria, Customers, Straight Trippin'