Hobo: I take EZ-Pass too.
–96th & CPW
Hobo: Can you spare some change? Or a pineapple?
–4th Avenue & 8th Street
Hobo: Can you spare a dollar for a cup of coffee? How about an iced cappuccino?
–Madison & 62nd
Hobo: We been waiting for this train since May 5, 1987.
–86th Street B/C station
Hobo: Miss, miss, can you spare some change? Sir, sir? Ma’am?…You! You’ll speak when you’re spoken to!
–49th & 8th
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there is more than one door on this train. In fact there are 30 of them. Please feel free to use the other 29.
–1 train
Overheard by: Traveler Bill
Conductor: Canal Street next after this brief musical interlude.
–R train
Overheard by: Mark
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we’re stuck at this station because I have to get permission from Queensboro before we can leave and they’re not answering the phone. I think they all went home to get some sleep.
–N train
Overheard by: SP
Conductor: You have to get on the train when the doors are open. Thank you!
–MetroNorth train
Overheard by: alyssa
Man: Passengers, do not keep quiet if you see George W. Bush or Dick Cheney. If you see George W. Bush or Dick Cheney attempt to get them impeached. This has been a MTA announcement.
–6 train
Overheard by: Sarah
Conductor: Attention passengers, there is a train directly behind this one…ten degrees cooler.
–6 train
Conductor: This is Borough Hall, home of Brooklyn borough president Marty Markowitz, also known as Mr. Brooklyn. On behalf of your borough president, and your conductor, welcome to Brooklyn: a nice place to visit, a great place to live!
–F train
FishBowlNY chick: Not only do you blog about everything, you blog in five different blogs about everything.
–Slainte, The Bowery
Hipster guy: Everyone keeps asking me why I’m sad, and I’m like, “I’m not sad, I’m from New York.”
–St. Mark’s between 1st & A
Overheard by: Danny G.
Woman: I have some friends, and they lived in Brooklyn all they lives, and they ain’t ever been to Kings Plaza Shopping Mall. They so limited!
–5 train
Tourist woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where the big apple is?
–43rd & Broadway
Overheard by: katie cunningham
Woman: What I love most about New York is that wherever you go, in every neighborhood, there’s garbage on the curb. To me, that’s democracy.
–University & 11th
Lady: You never see girls wearing shorts in New York City unless they’re tourists.
–57th & Broadway
Guy on cell: Well I’m sorry, Princess, if New York doesn’t smell like a bed of roses!
–Church & Worth
Overheard by: Becka Dash
NY Post guy: This boat is bootlegged! It won’t turn left!
–Penn Station
NY Post guy: Read all about it! Discovery shuttle is a bootleg…doesn’t work…can’t turn left. Read all about it!
–Penn Station
Overheard (correctly) by: Toon
Girl: …I mean, I don’t care. As long as he doesn’t hit her in my house!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Errin D.
Drunk thug: Yo, fuck Lil’ Bow Wow! If I get the chance I’ll cut that nigga…with my MetroCard! And then I’ll swipe him through.
–Last Exit, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Mr. Brojangles
Jewess: If Miriam acts that way again to me, I am going to slap her pussy bald.
–86th & 2nd
Overheard by: Caroline Kelley
Man: Just you watch, she’s gonna cut him!
–3 train
Man: I don’t know, he only dates guys in jail.
–33rd & Madison
Overheard by: Missy Gartner
Black kid: They’re going to get me for conspiracy! That’s what they did to my brother! He’s spending 8 years in jail for conspiracy…firearms…half an ounce of cocaine…crack cocaine.
–B train
Overheard by: Samantha G
Woman: I would bedazzle the shit out of that shirt.
–53rd & 9th
Girl: So, he said he was thinking about getting LASIK, and I told him that if he wants to have surgery he has to start with a nosejob.
–Times Square
Man on cell: Yeah man, I promised for her birthday I’d take her to the best doctor in town. She really needs to have this done. Where did you take yours when she had fleas?
–57th & Broadway
Girl on cell: Oh, I don’t know, the last time I saw you your lips didn’t look that overinflated.
–Washington Square dog run
Overheard by: boswell
Man: You two walk how old people fuck!
–14th & 9th
Overheard by: Emily
Guy on cell: Yeah, general admission was cool when I was 18, but not when I’m fucking 32.
–78th & 1st
Guy: You know how, like, with alcohol they require ID for proof of age? They should really do that with bikinis also.
–Great Lawn, Central Park
Girl on cell: If you beat somebody up real bad and they press charges, how much time can you get for that?…No, if they press charges against you.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: Katie C
Boy, 5: Lady, I’m gonna cut off your head and feed it to my family.
–14th & 2nd
Overheard by: djlindee
Guy: Oh, excuse me!…Want to make out?
–Centre & Chambers
Overheard by: Chris
Older man: …so they served these smaller things, like appetizers, in between the three main courses. You know how many they gave us? Four! There were four intercourses…
–West 53 Street office
Girl on cell: He shoots dope and smokes crack! I can’t think of a worse person for you to sleep with!…well, yeah, I guess…
–81st & Madison
Girl: I’d blow him every day if he’d let me drive his beamer more.
–Sheep’s Meadow
Tween girl: Shit, if I were 21, and he was like, “Yo, do you want some
beer?”, I’d be like, “Shit, only if you got a hotel room.” ’cause then
we could, like, go in it.
–Starbucks, 34th & 7th
Overheard by: marissa
Daily News guy: …and I said, “Just take me now, bitch!”
–Bar 288, Elizabeth Street
DMV guy: Who’s here for oral? Did anyone in this line sign up for oral?
–DMV, Atlantic Avenue Center
Overheard by: RMC
Guy on cell: Where am I? I’m always some place watching some crazy shit. I’m watching some motherfuckin’ Indian shit, son. Some shit from some country. They’re doing a rain dance, son. It’s gonna motherfuckin’ rain soon. They’re doing a motherfuckin’ rain dance, son. They’re dancing and shit.
–St. Mark’s Church
Overheard by: Alex Romanovich
Woman: Where are all the restaurants?
–Times Square station
Overheard by: Kate
Woman on cell: Where am I? I’m at home; I’m just about to go down and get a cab. Where are you?
–Gristede’s, 63rd & West End
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Driving guy: Is this Brooklyn?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Captain Obvious
Driving guy: Excuse me, which way is Manhattan?
–40th & Broadway
Girl: Excuse me sir, how do you get to Times Square?
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti
Man on cell: No, no. I’ll never make it. I’m still in Jersey.
–85th & 2nd
Overheard by: JDH
Fat chick: Every single website, every newspaper, if it’s under
$200,000, it’s in China.
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Drunk guy: So, where would you want to get your gall bladder taken out: France or New York?
–1st Avenue & 3rd Street
Overheard by: Lisa H.
Girl: Oh, look. It says, “I Heart Someone in Austin”!…Oh…with autism. Never mind.
–W. 249th & Independence, The Bronx
Overheard by: Bianca Townshend
College girl: The real reason I went to San Francisco is that I wanted to go to Japan, but that was as far as I could afford.
–14th Street 1/2/3 station
Overheard by: Kevin Sheldon
Girl:…so do you actually eat Lucky Charms in Ireland?
–Wall & Broad
Overheard by: David McG
Guy: Is that a cruise ship? Oh no, wait. It’s New Jersey.
–Sunset Park rooftop
Overheard by: c dub
