Girl: Yeah, you’re right. Laughing by yourself just makes you look demented.
–Office, Wall Street
Woman: He doesn’t like people who are deep, and sometimes I’m so deep that I can’t even understand myself. *Sigh*
–American Bible Society lobby, Columbus Circle
Girl: I think Spawn is going through an identity crisis.
–W train
Chick: The problem with a long-distance relationship is that so much of it occurs in the mind. And my mind is insane.
–Belgian Beer Bar, W. 4th Street
Overheard by: djlindee
Woman on cell: I’m at Fiddler on the Roof…A play.
–45th & 7th
Overheard by: Hope Abrams
Orthodox man on cell: $700,000…this is nothing to do with money…I just want to get even with that guy…the one you wanted to smack…Goldberg…he’s a liar and a thief and he wanted me to deal with a Gentile.
–Madison & 33rd
JAP: Sorry, I just get very Jewish about my weed.
–Madison & 97th
Overheard by: drew grant
Man: Table for two, non-smoking.
–Brooklyn Diner, W. 57th Street
Yuppie guy: See, it’s hard, because I see both sides of the argument, but I still don’t know who would win in a fight.
–Madison Square Park
Girl on phone: I didn’t like it when I was there…No, it was awful!…You’re taking him? So where’re you going?…An interview? How do you interview for a preschool? He’s 2.
–Office, 37th & Broadway
Woman: This air is so thick I can’t breathe it. It actually will not fit in my nostrils.
–125th Street A/C/B/D station
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy: It’s a beautiful night for global warming.
–Bleecker & Bowery
Man: Isn’t it nice to see so many lesbians out today?
–8th between 18th & 19th
Chick on cell: That is not true!…No!…I would never do that! Gross! I so did not do that…Did I?…Really?…Oh, well, maybe I was too trashed to remember.
–Times Square
Arty girl: I may be hung over. I haven’t decided yet.
–Metropolitan Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: ~dana
Guy: So I find that when I taste champagne with someone, I have nothing to say.
–32nd & 6th
Chick: Wait, I really did sleep with that guy? I need to update my
Excel spreadsheet.
–Montien, 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: djlindee
Erica: Welcome to Applebee’s, my name is Erica. Can I get you started with a drink, or a beverage?
–Applebee’s, W. 225th Street
Overheard by: MissDona
Queer on cell: Oh my God, did you hear? Liz has a date…yeah, with a guy…a straight guy…
–Time Warner Center
Overheard by: Cole
Suit on cell: Hi, I’m in Chelsea. I just bought the We Love Disco CD and two porn magazines.
–22nd between 7th & 8th
Black guy: Damn, those horses is gay.
–Times Square
Overheard by: seth scott barkley
Queer on cell: Hey, I got here early. The Starbucks is closed for renovations, so why don’t we just skip to the blowjob?
–7th & Grove
Chick: He was getting blown by a trannie and right before he came he said, “get out of my car, you faggot” and that’s how he knew he wasn’t gay.
–W Hotel bar, Union Square
Overheard by: Somebody nowhere
Guy: I mean, he’s weird. He’ll let me make out with him, but he won’t share his salsa.
–Bond & Lafayette
Queer: First of all, if I was going to have an orgy at four in the morning, I would not have carne asada first. Pttth! Second of all…um…carne asada is not pre-orgy food.
–Barrage, West 47th Street
Overheard by: Nick Salvato
Queer: I’m never having sex with another virgin again. When the virgin is on the receiving end it can be such a pain in the…yeah.
–Bleecker & Macdougal
Woman on cell: Mom, he doesn’t have an accent, he’s gay!
–Madison & 52nd
Old Jewess: That Suzanne Somers has some nerve. She is writing another diet book. I have a friend who has read all her diet books and every year she gets fatter and fatter.
–Music Box theatre, West 45th Street
Fratboy: She was like an ugly Paris Hilton, but not rich.
–C train
Overheard by: nicolette
Guy: I’m gonna beat you like an Olsen twin.
–68th & Columbus
Overheard by: Andrew Zar
Teen boy: Yo, I heard that Tupac was named after a Jewish holiday.
–Red Hook
Guy: Yeah, you know, that’s the great thing about the Kennedys: they get $1 off of every bottle of Scotch that they buy. You know, because their dad was a bootlegger and all.
–52 & Lexington
Hobo: What the fuck? Why’s the train so crowded? Used ta be between 9 and 5 the train’d be empty. Don’t anybody fucking have a job anymore?
–N train
Hobo: I had to go all over the goddamn world. Canarsie! Staten Island! Jersey City! Timbuktu!
–65th between 2nd & 3rd
Crazy hobo: I have closed my windows. I have pulled my curtains. I have put up my air conditioner…and now you will lock down block 340 like you will lock down every other block in the city of New York, the state of New York, the state of New Jersey, and to some extent Connecticut, but not all of Connecticut.
–4th Street & 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Squatporpoise
Drunk hobo: I have a lottery ticket. My father played the lottery every week. Must’ve had about a hundred fucking tickets. What if I find out I won and I’m on the subway? No one’s getting away. I’m taking down everyone’s number. We’re going to dinner. Your family too. No cousins.
–N train
Drunk hobo with megaphone: Don’t ride the trains! Those a-rabs are going to blow this thing up! It’s gonna be bloody! Those a-rabs and the black men from north Africa!
–A train
Old hobo: …and there’s a girl in the well. And he got a dog! You seen dat shit?
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: K-Na
Hobo: I ain’t got no money, but I got the honey, just for the women, not the men. And I ain’t no one minute man, ain’t no three minute man. I’m a one-hour man!
–4 train
Overheard by: eb
Suit on cell: Hey, guess where I am?…Guess…I’m in Glasgow!
–Carmine & Bleecker
Overheard by: Chris Cotterman
Preppy guy: How am I racist? I’m Irish! I can’t be racist!
–9th Street & 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: Miss Hipstah
Woman on cell: My daughter went to Montreal. I was like, “Why do you have to go where the French go? Why couldn’t you just go to Ontario?”
–55th & 3rd
Bag lady: Can I have a quarter? The Irish have taken over the YMCA.
–22nd & 5th
Overheard by: smanikas
Thug: Paisano?…It’s like “my nigga” but in Italian.
–Times Square
Overheard by: KRUD
Al Bundy guy: …So I told her, “Yo, I can’t do that, you’re my sister! You want it? Show me we’re not blood. Prove to me we’re not blood related. Then you can have it.”
–Anbar Shoes, Reade Street
Latina: So, his name is Louis, and his brother’s name is Louis–like can you get more Dominican?
–1 train
Overheard by: Karen
NYU girl: Yeah, I think I’m good looking. I mean, if I had a twin, I would totally hook up with him.
–Broadway & 10th
