Chinese boy: What street is this? Onion Street?
–N train, Union Street station
Chinese boy: What street is this? Onion Street?
–N train, Union Street station
Guy on cell: Yeah, I’m wearing ahhh…a football jersey and Speedos.
–Houston & Allen
Overheard by: M!J
Girl on cell: Hey, how are you? My vagina is sore.
–34th & 3rd
HS boy: Hey, you guys are a bunch of pussies. Do you realize you’re running from a handicapped lady? I mean, I could see if she came at you with a cane or something.
–106th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kyle T.
Man on cell: I can’t wait for the naked pussy party.
–Employees Only, Hudson Street
Overheard by: Max T-M
Cop: She ovulates tumbleweeds.
–Ludlow & Delancey
Overheard by: Erin Bradley
Girl on cell: Yeah, I think it’s a yeast infection…yeah…itching. It’s been like a week, though…I’m not going to a gynecologist…I had a bad experience once. I don’t know how much longer I can take it, though.
–6th Avenue & 8th Street
Bag lady: My name is Madge. I am homeless, completely broke. I haven’t eaten in days. I have my period and I am bleeding my clothes now.
–6 train
Girl: Yeah, you’re right. Laughing by yourself just makes you look demented.
–Office, Wall Street
Woman: He doesn’t like people who are deep, and sometimes I’m so deep that I can’t even understand myself. *Sigh*
–American Bible Society lobby, Columbus Circle
Girl: I think Spawn is going through an identity crisis.
–W train
Chick: The problem with a long-distance relationship is that so much of it occurs in the mind. And my mind is insane.
–Belgian Beer Bar, W. 4th Street
Overheard by: djlindee
Woman on cell: I’m at Fiddler on the Roof…A play.
–45th & 7th
Overheard by: Hope Abrams
Orthodox man on cell: $700,000…this is nothing to do with money…I just want to get even with that guy…the one you wanted to smack…Goldberg…he’s a liar and a thief and he wanted me to deal with a Gentile.
–Madison & 33rd
JAP: Sorry, I just get very Jewish about my weed.
–Madison & 97th
Overheard by: drew grant
Man: Table for two, non-smoking.
–Brooklyn Diner, W. 57th Street
Yuppie guy: See, it’s hard, because I see both sides of the argument, but I still don’t know who would win in a fight.
–Madison Square Park
Girl on phone: I didn’t like it when I was there…No, it was awful!…You’re taking him? So where’re you going?…An interview? How do you interview for a preschool? He’s 2.
–Office, 37th & Broadway
Woman: This air is so thick I can’t breathe it. It actually will not fit in my nostrils.
–125th Street A/C/B/D station
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy: It’s a beautiful night for global warming.
–Bleecker & Bowery
Man: Isn’t it nice to see so many lesbians out today?
–8th between 18th & 19th
Chick on cell: That is not true!…No!…I would never do that! Gross! I so did not do that…Did I?…Really?…Oh, well, maybe I was too trashed to remember.
–Times Square
Arty girl: I may be hung over. I haven’t decided yet.
–Metropolitan Bar, Williamsburg
Overheard by: ~dana
Guy: So I find that when I taste champagne with someone, I have nothing to say.
–32nd & 6th
Chick: Wait, I really did sleep with that guy? I need to update my
Excel spreadsheet.
–Montien, 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: djlindee
Erica: Welcome to Applebee’s, my name is Erica. Can I get you started with a drink, or a beverage?
–Applebee’s, W. 225th Street
Overheard by: MissDona
Queer on cell: Oh my God, did you hear? Liz has a date…yeah, with a guy…a straight guy…
–Time Warner Center
Overheard by: Cole
Suit on cell: Hi, I’m in Chelsea. I just bought the We Love Disco CD and two porn magazines.
–22nd between 7th & 8th
Black guy: Damn, those horses is gay.
–Times Square
Overheard by: seth scott barkley
Queer on cell: Hey, I got here early. The Starbucks is closed for renovations, so why don’t we just skip to the blowjob?
–7th & Grove
Chick: He was getting blown by a trannie and right before he came he said, “get out of my car, you faggot” and that’s how he knew he wasn’t gay.
–W Hotel bar, Union Square
Overheard by: Somebody nowhere
Guy: I mean, he’s weird. He’ll let me make out with him, but he won’t share his salsa.
–Bond & Lafayette
Queer: First of all, if I was going to have an orgy at four in the morning, I would not have carne asada first. Pttth! Second of all…um…carne asada is not pre-orgy food.
–Barrage, West 47th Street
Overheard by: Nick Salvato
Queer: I’m never having sex with another virgin again. When the virgin is on the receiving end it can be such a pain in the…yeah.
–Bleecker & Macdougal
Woman on cell: Mom, he doesn’t have an accent, he’s gay!
–Madison & 52nd
Old Jewess: That Suzanne Somers has some nerve. She is writing another diet book. I have a friend who has read all her diet books and every year she gets fatter and fatter.
–Music Box theatre, West 45th Street
Fratboy: She was like an ugly Paris Hilton, but not rich.
–C train
Overheard by: nicolette
Guy: I’m gonna beat you like an Olsen twin.
–68th & Columbus
Overheard by: Andrew Zar
Teen boy: Yo, I heard that Tupac was named after a Jewish holiday.
–Red Hook
Guy: Yeah, you know, that’s the great thing about the Kennedys: they get $1 off of every bottle of Scotch that they buy. You know, because their dad was a bootlegger and all.
–52 & Lexington
