All Wednesday One-Liners

Woman: So, yesterday I think I ate dog food again.

–Elevator, 90th & Colombus

Overheard by: Louise XIV

Crazy lady: We are ready to explain! She, however, will be with the dog…What do you think about that walker-talker? Why don’t you go walk and talk!”

–F train

Overheard by: Oh Miss Lauren

Teen guy: Yeah, I fucked that retarded girl. She didn’t really know what was going on…but I busted in her.

–Cobble Hill

Overheard by: Philec

Man: Why would anyone ever give a clown money?

–76th & 3rd

Overheard by: Val

Man: You say Pataki, I say bukkake.

–40th & 7th

Overheard by: Derek P

Girl: Stop flirting with me, my friend just died.

–Central Park SummerStage

Yuppie guy on cell: I have to master these machines. You ever use the ones where you put the detergent in the top before?

–79th between Columbus & Broadway

White man: Yeah, and he has that puppet. I’m not sure if it’s a hand puppet or the kind with strings, but man, that shit used to fuck me up.

–Houston & Varick

Overheard by: Eve’s droppings

Woman: His breath stinks. It smells like…it smells like shit to me. He’s gay, that’s why. He’s always suckin’ it, you know.

–Delancey Street station

Overheard by: Palaverist

Black guy: Three-quarters of that thing was up his ass. That nigga was fucked up for life. Mentally, physically…

–Lexington & 53rd