Girl: …so I told him to suck his own dick if he thinks he can do it any better.
–G train
Overheard by: Ocera
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, do you have a penis?
–E train
Overheard by: Ting
JHS kid: …so I said, “He’s gonna make you stay after class and he’s gonna pull down your fucking pants and shove his fucking cock up your ass!”
–Times Square shuttle
Overheard by: Lizzy
Guy: Where is the nearest subway?
Girl: We are not eating at Subway.
–Thompson & Bleecker
Overheard by: Charles Star
Teenage girl #1: So Judge Judy is a racist.
Teenage girl #2: Isn’t she in charge of all the New York judges, don’t they all report to her?
Teenage girl #3: Nah, I think she’s just in charge of the TV judges.
–2 train
Overheard by: Lisa Marshall
Chick #1: Close your mouth, your breath stinks!
Chick #2: No, it doesn’t.
Chick #1: Listen, you open your mouth, people can smell your shit. You should be the first one knowing your breath stinks. The air goes right up to your nose first anyway!
–Church & Murray
Tween swimmer girl #1: I’m nervous. I think I look funny when I’m naked.
Tween swimmer girl #2: No offense, but everyone looks funny when they’re naked!
–Manhattan Plaza Health Club locker room, W. 43rd St.
Overheard by: Andrea
Little girl #1: My dad wants to write books but doesn’t.
Little girl #2: Why not?
Little girl #1: Well, he’s busy.
Little girl #2: Why doesn’t he just quit his job and start writing a book?
Little girl #1: I dunno…maybe because we won’t have any money?
Little girl #3: Ooh, then you could move to Vermont!
–F train
Chick: I got a washing machine at home but it don’t fit. I got too many clothes.
Guy: Ain’t you never heard of loads?
Chick: What you mean?
Guy: Doing it once at a time.
Chick: Shoot, I be doing clothes forever if I do that shit.
–Herald Square
Overheard by: Trish
Girl on cell: How’s your aneurysm? I mean, you’re still alive, right?
–Hunter College
Girl #1: She was so pretty.
Girl #2: Good pretty or bitchy pretty?
Girl #1: Can you, like, recognize a nosejob when you see one?
Girl #2: Why? Are you thinking of getting one? You don’t need it.
Girl #1: No, I just wanted to go hang out someplace where people have had a lot of plastic surgery.
–B61 bus
Girl: Why the fuck is that other train moving?
Boy: Because that train isn’t fucking defective.
Girl: Whatever.
–1 train
