The Village

College girl #1: …and this guy’s a really good kisser and they turn on the lights and it’s your dad!
College girl #2: Oh my god, I know! I hate it when that happens!

–5th Ave. & 13th St.

Overheard by: Dave Della Costa

Guy on date: Everything in my kitchen is from Crate and Barrel.
Girl on date: Oh.
Guy: My cups, my saucers, my plates, I have an espresso machine…
Girl: Wow.
Guy: Yeah, but I haven’t mopped the floor in over a month.

–Broadway & Houston

NYU kid yelling to band from dorm window: Hey! You suck!
Singer at nice event: Uh, this is for charity.

–W 4th & MacDougal

NYU student: Are they tourists or are they just drunk?

–Bleeker & Thompson

Dude on cell: If he wrote a fucking haiku I would shit myself!

–50th b/w 8th & 9th

Hip dude: I was like: “Your voice is drowning me in a wave of bullshit.”

–W 4th

Customer to associate: Where can I pay for this shit?

–Apple Store, 5th Ave

Suit on cell: No, I have IBS. IBS! Ya know, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I’ll shit when I gotta shit, and that’s the way this is gonna go!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual

am New York paper guy: Get your free am New York! They’re free because their employees get paid shit!

–53rd & 7th Ave

Girl #1: Did you hear Nicole has to be topless?
Girl #2: That’s okay, I’m a nun!

–9th & Broadway

Dude #1: Ew, bro, that’s incest!
Dude #2, sheepishly: No, it’s not…

–W 9th St & 5th Ave

Chick: Oh my god, my hair is so dark!
Stylist guy: Does it look fake?
Chick: No, I just didn’t know it would be this dark.
Stylist guy: Well, it will look lighter when your hair dries.
Chick: Really?

–Ibiza Hair Salon, 4th Avenue

Overheard by: Kenzi 

Stoner #1: I’m drunk. And I am high.
Stoner #2: I know you are. But… what am I?
Both stoners: Whoa.

–Bleecker & Thompson

Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep.

–Elevator, 56th & 8th

Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama!

–Terminal 5

Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses?

–Cafe Esperanto

Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator!

–TriBeCa

Overheard by: lalala

Swanky pin‐stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.

–51st & 3rd

Overheard by: IG

Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.

–4 Train

Overheard by: BQM lady

Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats!

–Astor Place