Women

There’s Wednesday One-liners All Over Town

FishBowlNY chick: Not only do you blog about everything, you blog in five different blogs about everything.

–Slainte, The Bowery

Hipster guy: Everyone keeps asking me why I’m sad, and I’m like, “I’m not sad, I’m from New York.”

–St. Mark’s between 1st & A

Overheard by: Danny G.

Woman: I have some friends, and they lived in Brooklyn all they lives, and they ain’t ever been to Kings Plaza Shopping Mall. They so limited!

–5 train

Tourist woman: Excuse me, can you tell me where the big apple is?

–43rd & Broadway

Overheard by: katie cunningham

Woman: What I love most about New York is that wherever you go, in every neighborhood, there’s garbage on the curb. To me, that’s democracy.

–University & 11th

Lady: You never see girls wearing shorts in New York City unless they’re tourists.

–57th & Broadway

Guy on cell: Well I’m sorry, Princess, if New York doesn’t smell like a bed of roses!

–Church & Worth

Overheard by: Becka Dash

NY Post guy: This boat is bootlegged! It won’t turn left!

–Penn Station

NY Post guy: Read all about it! Discovery shuttle is a bootleg…doesn’t work…can’t turn left. Read all about it!

–Penn Station

Overheard (correctly) by: Toon

Yet It’s OK for Him to Kill His Son…

Crazy lady: I hate my fucking mother and I want to kill her. I want to watch her bleed. She is a fat lazy bitch. She was nothing but a container!
Guy: God will not forgive you if you kill your mother. Can you also keep it down please?

–PATH train

Overheard by: JMK

Someone, Put Her in a Maze Against Flipper

Guy: So you’re saying tuna is really dolphin?
Lady: That’s why it says “Dolphin Safe”. It’s safe to eat even though it’s dolphin.

–Broadway & Worth

Uh, Some of Us Don’t…

Chinese woman #1: Her husband is so cheap!
Chinese woman #2: Yeah, well…
Chinese woman #1: Where do you find someone like that?
Chinese woman #2: He’s a Shanghai-nese.
Chinese woman #1: Oh…Well, you know how those people are.

Translated from the Chinese.

–7 train

Dude, Your String is Seriously Showing

Lady: Ooh, is that a tampon in your bag?
Man: No, no, no. Come on, it’s a manpon.

–Tonic, Norfolk Street

Overheard by: Sarah

“This phone stinks. The reception is really shitty.”

Clerk lady #1: So, like, my kid dropped my cell into the toilet last week.
Clerk lady #2: Oh yeah?
Clerk lady #1: I had to recharge it for over a week before it worked.
Clerk lady #2: Hmm.
Clerk lady #1: When I made a call to my friend, it was all static. And the buttons didn’t work. A few days later my kid picks the phone up and says: “I threw your cell in the toilet! Ha ha!”
Guy: …you took it out of the toilet first, right?

–Duane Reade, 49th & 9th

Overheard by: BBW

That’s Only Half-cheating, Right?

Fat White drunk woman: Maybe you got it from someone in our building, or all those transvestites you fucked.
Sobbing Hispanic man: But baby, I didn’t fuck that many, it’s not my fault!

–Fordham Road, The Bronx

Do Those Sneakers Make Her Look Geeky?

Woman #1: That skirt was terrible. I looked like I just got off the boat!
Woman #2: What boat?
Woman #1: …The boat from Ireland.

–Macy’s

Someone Has to Weed Out the Starving Elderly

White woman: Cough it up, Sadie! Cough it up!…Why would people put chicken bones in the garbage?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Carrie McLaren

“Dee, you OK? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Woman #1: She called to say she was sorry for hooking up with my ex.
Woman #2: How surprised were you?
Woman #1: I literally dropped dead as soon as she said it.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Dee McCallum

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