I’d Give an Arm and a Leg for a Wednesday One‐Liner

Young society reject to same: You’re the psycho‐freak out! You touch people’s ears at random!

–AMC Theatre at Lincoln Center

Overheard by: G‑Lime

A woman to friend: My friend just became a manicurist. She had her first client today and she only has one hand.

–Forham University

Woman almost forgetting her sunglasses: I would lose my ass if it wasn’t attached to my neck!

–A Train

Overheard by: Don

Student: I think the guy selling cell phones on the street made off with my uterus.

–Touro College of Osteopathis, Harlem

Coworker to another: You have thighs now. When you came here, you had no thighs.

–1250 Broadway

Suit #1 to suit #2: He has the feet of a nine‐year‐old girl!

–44^th & Lexington

Posted on July 18, 2022
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Disabilities, Fordham, Friends, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Students, Suits, The Bronx, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

Like We Do at Church

Old woman: You had an audition today?
Young woman: Yeah, for the Jerry Springer show. I sang ‘Mama Smacked Me on the Asshole.’

–Starbucks, 43^rd & 8^th

Posted on July 12, 2022
Starbucks, TV, Women

Buns as Soft as Yours Deserve the Hardest Salami I Can Give You

Middle Aged Woman: I’d like to get some hard salami, but I’d like to see it first.
Serious Deli Man: You would like to see my hard salami? [goes to get it and brings it out to show her]Woman: Is it very hard salami? How hard is the salami?
Serious Deli Man: Ma’am, I don’t think it is hard enough for you.

–Fairway Market

Overheard by: Jen

Posted on July 11, 2022
9 to 5-ers, Advice, Compare/Contrast, Customers, Default, Delis, Food, Innuendo, Men, Offers and requests, Private Parts, Questions, Store, Wishes & desires, Women

Wednesday One‐Liners Kinda Miss Bush’s Speeches

President: Are they de‐seminating the office?…I mean decimating?

–40^th & Madison Ave

Overheard by: EScrillz

Girl reading poster: The fastest… (pause) “fastest.” Is that a word?

–42^nd St AMC Theatre

Overheard by: Steph

Man on cell: Yeah, well that’s what the beasting is for!

–Penn Station

Woman to friends: You know me, I say what I speak.

–Fordham Road

Frenchman trying to learn English: I was a beef with those potatoes!

–TGI Fridays, Times Square

Overheard by: CS

Hipster art student to friend: As much as…like…whatever, like.

–School of Visual Arts

Overheard by: I guess that’s English

Tourist: I feel so elated! Wait…no, I mean, “violated.”

–Uptown 3 Train

Overheard by: Sally Tempo

Posted on July 7, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bosses, College, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Food, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Languages, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Movie Theaters, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Questions, Rape, Restaurants & Cafes, Street, Students, Stupidity, The Bronx, Times Square, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

The Danger Of Marrying a Meat‐and‐Potatoes Guy

Woman #1: How many potatoes should I get? Like, three?
Woman #2, shrieking: Three? Three?! Are you serious? Have you seen your husband lately?
Woman #1, confused: Four?
Woman #1: He eats more than I eat in a year! He’s huge! You’ll need at least fifteen potatoes!
Woman #2: Yeah, I guess you’re right.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on June 26, 2022
Diet/Weight, Food, Marriage, Physical appearance, Questions, Union Square and East Village, Whole Foods, Women

Wednesday One‐liners Are Dead

Girl: Oh my gosh! You know what would be awesome? If lightning struck you, and you like got a permanent tan.

–34^th & 8^th

Overheard by: Glynnis

Woman: These invitations are really important! I mean, not only am I turning 40, but it’s a year to the day that I almost died!

–Staples, Union Square

Little girl: Hey Mom, there are dead people here too!

–X1 bus

Irish guy: Oh, what people don’t realize is that the Indians are
everywhere. They’re sprinkled around everywhere.

–First Prince Copy Center, Prince Street

Posted on June 25, 2022
Biotechs, Death, Girls, On the Bus, Soho, Union Square and East Village, Women

Totally Worth It If You Want to Ascend to a Higher Plane

Businesswoman #1: So I had to go in this little booth, and it has these tiny holes that shoot air at you! And I was like “What on earth is this for?” and the security guy said “Oh, it’s so we can get a sense of your aura.” I mean really, they don’t let you get on a plane if your aura is bad?
Businesswoman #2: Wow, I guess so. Airport security is getting really tight these days.
Businesswoman #1: Seriously.

–50^th & 7^th

Overheard by: Arielle

Posted on June 21, 2022
Cops, Default, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, National Security, Offers and requests, Rich people, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Terrorism, Threats, Women, Words

Thank Goodness for Morning Sickness and All That Vomiting

Middle‐aged woman: So, is she, like, skinny pregnant?
Friend: Yes, she looks like a model.
Middle‐aged woman: Good, there is just no excuse to gain weight during pregnancy.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: except for having a baby inside of you?

Posted on June 21, 2022
Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Friends, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Women

Wednesday Caniners

Stylish 20‐something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you’re out of breath because you’re out of shape. (pause) No, you’re not fat. You’re voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it’s not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.

–Central Park

Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I’ve been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn’t working!

–Williamsburg

Woman to her dog: Don’t be an insult to your species! Act like a dog!

–10^th St & Broadway

Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk.

–Brooklyn