Hook Ups

Slacker chick in Heidi haircut, Mao cap and gas station jacket: What really pissed me off was we were fooling around one night and he was texting another girl. I’m, like, sitting there naked, ready to do whatever, and he’s pulling that shit. He’s all about wanting to eat out my asshole, and then he does that.
Slacker dude: I guess he wasn’t really ready to get everything he wanted.

–Raccoon Lodge, TriBeCa

Overheard by: Nic

Dude #1: All the women in here are pretty unapproachable.
Dude #2: I’ll approach the shit outta them.

–Fat Cat, Christopher St

Overheard by: Miss Hellion

Girl to no one in particular: I want to have sexual intercourse with you.
Friend: Sexual intercourse sounds like they want to put their balls inside your vagina too.

–172 St & Jerome

Overheard by: Emm

Hipster #1: I can’t believe you went home with that fat NYU chick last night.
Hipster #2: Yeah, I was out-of-my-mind drunk. But I totally vindicated myself immediately after.
Hipster #1: Yeah?
Hipster #2: We must have woken up her hot blond suitemate when she screamed out “Oh my God, fuck me with your giant cock!”
Hipster #1: And how do you know?
Hipster #2: Because afterward, she passed out, and I went out to her living room to have a smoke, and her roommate came out in her PJs to join me for a smoke. Then I banged her on the couch.
Hipster #1: That’s awesome.
Hipster #2: Yeah. The funniest part was, I snuck back into her room when she was passed out and stole some condoms from her drawer.
Hipster #1: You’re a horrible person.
Hipster #2: I know.

–L train

Overheard by: Slappy McGee

Skinny girl: Well, what are you waiting for?
Chubby girl: I’m waiting for her to fuck Jerry!

–55th & 3rd

Overheard by: diana

Girl #1: Man, if I'm going to go to that party tonight, I gotta shave my hair.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too. Where is the best price around here?
Girl #3: There's one on Lexington by my place, and a guy does it, and he's so hot I just want him to accidentally shove his dick up me.
Girl #2: Then we'll go to that place!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Andrew

Dumb girl #1: If my ex wasn't an idiot I would call him.
Dumb girl #2: Why is he an idiot?
Dumb girl #1: Because he hooked up with one of my friends.
Dumb girl #2: That sucks.
Dumb girl #1: Yeah, she likes to get with friends' men.
Dumb girl #2: Wow! She's a bitch.
Dumb girl #1: Yeah… but so, should I call him?

–L Train

Barnard girl #1: I was at this party, and there was this guy, but I promised myself I would stop hooking up with strangers.
Barnard girl #2: Right.
Barnard girl #1: But, like, I still don't understand why it's bad to hook up with strangers all the time.
Barnard girl #2: Maybe it's because you're, like, using each other's bodies.
Barnard girl #1: Maybe.

–Le Monde Cafe

Overheard by: this is awkward

Teenager to friend: Well, her name is Alexandra, and I was not hooking up with her…
Random passerby, interrupting: Yeah, that's right, I once knew a girl named pussy!

–West Houston St

Overheard by: nickwe

Straight guy, about coworker: That guy is such a douche.
Tarty girl: He's moving three blocks away from me.
Straight guy: That means you'll totally fuck him.
Tarty girl: Don't put that out in the universe! It'll happen. You know I'm a slut!

–Union Square