Read My Lips, Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: No I'm not bringing anything, this is not a date, it's 10 o'clock on a Friday night. I'm bringing my vagina, that's what I'm bringing.

–Court St & 2nd Place

Girl on cell: I mean, there's nothing obviously wrong with my vagina!

–23rd & 7th

Girl on bike: I feel like I've had a pencil up my vagina for 10 hours!

–Hudson River Bike Path

Distraught NYU student: I'm covered in vaginal cream.

–NYU Dorm, Union Square

Overheard by: Erica Fuld

Hurried young guy on cell: Well, you can't just sniff anyone's vagina!

–W 52nd b/w 9th & 10th Ave

Gay on phone: But what does her vag look like?

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Liz

Posted on September 25, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dating, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Hudson River, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, Students, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Use a Wednesday, So You Don't Get One-Linered Up

Man helping woman carry stroller down stairs: If you had taken the bloody pill when you said you were taking it, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

–Broadway-Lafayette B/D/F/V Station

Overheard by: Jon A.

Man walking with girlfriend, loudly: Wait, did you bring your diaphragm?

–Times Square

Loud woman on cell: How many times do you have to have sex, and have a baby, before you realize: "If I have sex without a condom I will get someone pregnant."? Seriously!

–Broadway & 103rd St

Overheard by: Amy

Guy on phone: I always tell people that sex with you with a condom is better than sex with other girls without a condom.

–Outside Trader Joe's, 14th St

Zoo guide: This zoo likes to be careful with breeding animals by taking into account genes and the like. But then again, Zippy–the baby snow monkey–came along. So be careful with your birth control.

–Central Park Zoo, by the Snow Monkeys

Girl to another: I just don't see why we can't make our own condoms.

–14th St & 4th Ave

Posted on January 10, 2022
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Babies, Central Park, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Sex, Should've Used a Condom, Store, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Nobody Ever Is

Slacker chick in Heidi haircut, Mao cap and gas station jacket: What really pissed me off was we were fooling around one night and he was texting another girl. I’m, like, sitting there naked, ready to do whatever, and he’s pulling that shit. He’s all about wanting to eat out my asshole, and then he does that.
Slacker dude: I guess he wasn’t really ready to get everything he wanted.

–Raccoon Lodge, TriBeCa

Overheard by: Nic

Posted on November 16, 2021
Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Rimming, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

He Treats Constipation on a Freelance Basis

Dude #1: All the women in here are pretty unapproachable.
Dude #2: I’ll approach the shit outta them.

–Fat Cat, Christopher St

Overheard by: Miss Hellion

Posted on July 11, 2021
Bars & Clubs, Hook Ups, The Village, White People

Men: Shudder

Girl to no one in particular: I want to have sexual intercourse with you.
Friend: Sexual intercourse sounds like they want to put their balls inside your vagina too.

–172 St & Jerome

Overheard by: Emm

Posted on March 3, 2021
Balls, Friends, Girls, Hook Ups, The Bronx, Vagina, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

A Really Horrible Person Wouldn’t Have Used the Condoms

Hipster #1: I can’t believe you went home with that fat NYU chick last night.
Hipster #2: Yeah, I was out-of-my-mind drunk. But I totally vindicated myself immediately after.
Hipster #1: Yeah?
Hipster #2: We must have woken up her hot blond suitemate when she screamed out “Oh my God, fuck me with your giant cock!”
Hipster #1: And how do you know?
Hipster #2: Because afterward, she passed out, and I went out to her living room to have a smoke, and her roommate came out in her PJs to join me for a smoke. Then I banged her on the couch.
Hipster #1: That’s awesome.
Hipster #2: Yeah. The funniest part was, I snuck back into her room when she was passed out and stole some condoms from her drawer.
Hipster #1: You’re a horrible person.
Hipster #2: I know.

–L train

Overheard by: Slappy McGee

Posted on December 17, 2020
Hipsters, Hook Ups, On the Subway, One Night Stand

Tom: It’s Not As Easy As You’d Think

Skinny girl: Well, what are you waiting for?
Chubby girl: I’m waiting for her to fuck Jerry!

–55th & 3rd

Overheard by: diana

Posted on June 28, 2020
Bimbettes, Fat People, Hook Ups, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Sex, Skinny People, Talking/Convos

I'm Pretty Sure It's Called The G Spot

Girl #1: Man, if I'm going to go to that party tonight, I gotta shave my hair.
Girl #2: Yeah, me too. Where is the best price around here?
Girl #3: There's one on Lexington by my place, and a guy does it, and he's so hot I just want him to accidentally shove his dick up me.
Girl #2: Then we'll go to that place!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Andrew

Posted on March 30, 2020
Bimbettes, Girls, Hair, Hook Ups, Money & Class, On the Subway, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Waxing, Wishes & desires

Or Hook Up With Her

Dumb girl #1: If my ex wasn't an idiot I would call him.
Dumb girl #2: Why is he an idiot?
Dumb girl #1: Because he hooked up with one of my friends.
Dumb girl #2: That sucks.
Dumb girl #1: Yeah, she likes to get with friends' men.
Dumb girl #2: Wow! She's a bitch.
Dumb girl #1: Yeah… but so, should I call him?

–L Train

Posted on March 22, 2020
Friendship, Girls, Hook Ups, Idiots, Infidelity, Insults, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Questions, Stupidity

But Possibly Also Because I Keep Getting Crabs

Barnard girl #1: I was at this party, and there was this guy, but I promised myself I would stop hooking up with strangers.
Barnard girl #2: Right.
Barnard girl #1: But, like, I still don't understand why it's bad to hook up with strangers all the time.
Barnard girl #2: Maybe it's because you're, like, using each other's bodies.
Barnard girl #1: Maybe.

–Le Monde Cafe

Overheard by: this is awkward

Posted on January 2, 2020
Celebrations/Parties, Hook Ups, Restaurants & Cafes, Students

Hook Ups