Teenage girl: So I’m getting better at hooking up with guys and not getting attached! I hooked up with Jake last week, and I don’t feel anything at all!
Friend: Yeah, but that’s not hard. He’s, like, impossible to get attached to. We need to find you a challenge. Who’s really cute and cuddly?
Random old man walking in front of them: Pick me, pick me!
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: cute and cuddly
Chick: Yeah, the story of my life: he was good looking, I had sex with him twice.
–Manhattan Triple Decker Diner, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Heather Galore
Guy #1: Okay…Wow…This one time in Madison I was so drunk…I was trying to get this sorority girl to come home with me and she said she would if I got rid of her ex‐boyfriend (he was hanging out with us.) That’s all I remember from that night! I woke up the next morning, in bed, soaking wet, with a pulled groin muscle and scrapes all over my knees and elbows!
Guy #2: What the fuck?
Guy #1: Yeah! I had to ask around to find out what happened. Apparently, I sorta, uh, fell in the lake in Madison – I pulled my groin muscle there – then I pulled myself out and crawled home on hands and knees since I couldn’t walk.
Guy #2: What…the fuck…?
–B1 bus
Overheard by: Justin Fores
Queer: So, I went to that new dance club last night.
Fag hag: Oh, really? Any good?
Queer: Yeah… They were playing some weird disco music, which should’ve tipped me off. But anyway, this guy started hitting on me right away.
Fag hag: Oooh! Was he hot?
Queer: Sorta. I mean, he had this gigantic moustache.
Fag hag: Hmmm. He musta been a terrorist.
Queer: Actually, he did have that terror‐esque gleam in his eye.
Fag hag: So, did you hook up or what?
Queer: Oh, yeah, totally fucked him in the bathroom. That terror‐esque gleam is damn sexy.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: MiMi
Hipster guy to hipster chick: …and he’s like, “I didn’t come; why is there so much come all over?” And she’s like, “Oh, you’re number 23.” So he’s like, “Oh, okay.” And he starts pounding away again!
–Bedford & 11th, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Woman, with her mouth about an inch from a guy, about to kiss him: I can’t, I already had sex with three guys today.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Derek
Girl to friend: I’m really worried about her. I think she has a serious case of slutism.
–66th & Columbus
Preppy girl on cell: Yeah, so apparently “Happy hour Tuesday” equals “Walk of shame Wednesday.” I just wish I could’ve been working at my job for more than a week before I walked in reeking of shame and spermicide. (pause) Actually, I wish the spermicide thing was true. Then I wouldn’t have to drop $50 bucks today on plan B.
–Wall St
Teenage boy on cell: She’s still sleeping with my brother. I mean, my brother is sleeping with like ten other girls…but she’s in his regular rotation.
–Starbucks, Montague Street
NYU student on cell: But logic doesn’t call you back. Logic sleeps with you and leaves in the morning.
–Kimmel Center
Gay guy: Where are we going?
Straight girl: Nowhere Bar. Have you been there before?
Gay guy: I don’t think so. Oh no! Wait! Someone blew me there in college!
Straight girl: For the last effing time, I do not need to hear these things about my big brother!
–F Train
Girl on cell: So, you know, I was just lying there, like with my face to the wall and stuff and he just whips out his dick and starts hitting me in the back of the head with it.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Zac Stone
Male 9 to 5‑er: And, you know, they’re all dwarves… But I wouldn’t be embarrassed to go out with them.
–Federal Plaza
Cigarette‐voiced JAP: Yeah, he was lame. But I only fake‐dated him in, like, eighth grade.
–54th & 11th
Hipster on cell: If you sleep together afterwards, it’s a date.
–Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Miss Heather
Thug: Yo, the rule is, if you take her out to dinner and a movie she has to suck your cock. That’s the rule.
–23rd & 8th
Overheard by: Liza
Girl on cell: Look, Peter, I’m not saying that I hate you. It’s just that you fucking annoy me so much that I’d rather eat my own spleen than go out with you again.
–Starbucks, 45th & 6th
Overheard by: always turning up my IPOD
Girl on cell: No, she didn’t dump him on you. She dumped him and then he got on you.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Steve O
20‐something guy on cell: My girlfriend’s birthday is tomorrow. (pause) I don’t know. Maybe a bong.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Steve Popovich
Girl to friend: I just wanted to hook up with him because we had the same birthday.
–8th St & 5th Ave
Rent cast member (shouting over shoulder): I turn 34 on Friday, I’m old but at least I made it past Jesus.
–Nederlander Theatre
Woman arguing loudly with her mother in the laundromat: My 30th birthday is gonna be ruined if we don’t go to the wax museum!
–4th Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn
Guy handing out New York Post: Grab your free copy of New York Post, it’s free, it’s free! Oh, and happy birthday to me today, thank you very much for remembering it! Oh, what a lovely day…
–42nd & Madison
Overheard by: Eve
Guy #1: I kind of remember her from school. What’s up with her?
Guy #2: I’ve been hanging out with her a bit recently. Let’s just say she likes thin mints and I’m a girl scout.
–Times Square
