Hook Ups

NYU girl #1: So when you were in Israel did you hook up with any hot Israeli guys?
NYU girl #2: Yeah, he was this really hot army officer. But he was so aggressive…I think he though I was Gaza or something.

–Washington Square Park

Drinking college co‐ed: It was like, my brain shut off, and my genitals went ‘woo‐hoo!’

–60th & Amsterdam

Guy on cell: Sorry, I couldn’t make it. I was tied up. Hopefully, next time it’ll be you.

–116th & Broadway

Gay black man to black woman: Girl, I know the perfect guy for you. He will beast fuck you. He will fuck you like a white girl.

–Greenwich & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Artie

Black guy: I’ll do the wheelbarrow on the first date, I don’t give a fuck!

–Downtown 6 train

Overheard by: biz

Girl in bathroom stall: How many guys can I sleep with in a week and not be a slut?

–Soundz Lounge, Lasalle St & Broadway

Girl: I wondered why you kept talking about pony play!

–Elevator, 168th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Peter Pecker

Well‐dressed man on cellphone: He must have had a dildo in his pants, and she grabbed onto that. It’s the only way they could have worked it.

–La Giancoma, second intermission, Metropolitan Opera

Overheard by: Schroeder

Drunk girl on bike #1: How’s your nose?
Drunk girl on bike #2: How’s your neck?
Drunk girl on bike #1: Hey, all I’m saying is that I’d rather get a hickey from a random boy I don’t know than break my nose by falling off my bike. (falls off her bike) Shiiiiiiiiiiiit.
Girl #2: How’s your fucking nose now, whore?


Queer: … And he had a huge dick.
Mortified fag hag covering her face: You can’t say that in public! People can hear you!
Queer: Yeah, we didn’t actually hook up. I just wanted to embarrass you.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: someone at the next table

Young girl #1: The guy hasn’t called me in, like, a week…
Young girl #2: His loss.
Young girl #1: But I didn’t even get to hook up with him!

–86th & 2nd

Overheard by: MattyG

Girl: Well, she’s newly single so…
Guy with baby: So you know what she’s looking for.
Girl: Well, she already hooked up with a bartender in a broom closet.

–6th Ave & 19th St

Overheard by: Daniel

Bimbette #1: Cancun is just a place for girls to go to on Spring break and be the whores that they really are.
Bimbette #2: Oh my God, I know! We should go there next year!
Bimbette #1: Totally!

–45th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Twiggy

Teenage bride‐to‐be on cell: …yeah. But, no, I’m totally ready to walk across the aisle.

–Target, South Bronx

Overheard by: so this is the bronx 

Suit: You expect me to spend the rest of my life with only one woman? One woman? One godforsaken woman?

–42nd St & Madison

Hula hoop guy to tourist couple: Sir! I’ll show you! You don’t have to do it, but hula hoops have saved a lot of marriages!

–Washington Square Park 

Old woman to imaginary friend: I’d make a great wife, mothafucka!

–F train

Overheard by: Trying Not to Laugh 

Girl: Can I do your brother at one of your weddings?

–Monitor St, Brooklyn

Young woman on cell: Well yeah, but he didn’t sleep with your bridesmaids.

–82nd & Lex

Man on cell: Ok, fine! You want to get married?

–Upper West Side

French guy: You know, I like to make happy with the pretty girls, but not the so pretty girls.

–Rivington & Orchard

Overheard by: Collin

Guy: If she had broken up with me before the end of the school year, I would have had a shot at nailing all of her friends. 

–Thompson & Houston

Overheard by: Ryan

20‐ish man: So, I used to use the laundry on Driggs, but that place is dirty. Two weeks ago I started coming here–
30‐ish woman: –I don’t give a shit. I just wanna have sex with you before I gotta get the kids and my husband comes home.
20‐ish man: Okay.

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn