Wednesday One-Liners Just Wanted a Nice Meal Out of It

Male 9 to 5-er: And, you know, they’re all dwarves… But I wouldn’t be embarrassed to go out with them.

–Federal Plaza

Cigarette-voiced JAP: Yeah, he was lame. But I only fake-dated him in, like, eighth grade.

–54th & 11th

Hipster on cell: If you sleep together afterwards, it’s a date.

–Manhattan Ave, Greenpoint

Overheard by: Miss Heather

Thug: Yo, the rule is, if you take her out to dinner and a movie she has to suck your cock. That’s the rule.

–23rd & 8th

Overheard by: Liza

Girl on cell: Look, Peter, I’m not saying that I hate you. It’s just that you fucking annoy me so much that I’d rather eat my own spleen than go out with you again.

–Starbucks, 45th & 6th

Overheard by: always turning up my IPOD

Girl on cell: No, she didn’t dump him on you. She dumped him and then he got on you.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Steve O