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Maxim staff #1: Yeah, we’re going to make you walk around in a plastic bubble or something.
Maxim staff #2: …NO, that is not THE RIGHT KIND of herpes!
Maxim staff #3: Is there a RIGHT kind of herpes?

–Midtown elevator

Man: Hey, I finally got that promotion!
Woman: Oh my god, congratulations! High five!
Man: Don’t touch me.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Aaliyah Leuschner

Girl #1: I just got waxed. Feel my legs, they’re sooo soft.
Girl #2: Ooohhh. Sooo smooth.
Girl #1: Yeah, you should feel my cooch.

–Columbia University

Girl #1: What’s up?
Girl #2: Still recovering from last night.
Girl #1: It wasn’t that bad.
Girl #2: What? I passed out and woke up naked in the club.
Girl #1: See, I told you.

–Internet cafe, 63rd Drive, Queens

Overheard by: Interested Listener

Hipster girl: Gosh, I’m like Pavlov’s dog!
Guy: What the hell is that?
Hipster girl: You don’t know? They teach it in, like, every science class ever!
Guy: So, what is it?
Hipster girl: It has something to do with bells and drool, I’m not really sure.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Tres Chic

Loud guy: They’re both really pretty.
Girl: Yeah, sure.
Loud guy: Sure, they’ve got busted noses, but they’re still really pretty.

–Chola Restaurant, 58th St, between 2nd & 3rd Ave

Drunk Guy: That girl’s tits are huge! And it’s snowing!

–Fordham

A man on a tandem bicycle turns to the woman on it and says: You know, it’s remarkable just how much like weddings funerals actually are.

–Varick Street

Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz

Man in a full-length fur coat: “I’m a socialist monarchist. I believe in helping the people, but the people can’t help themselves.”

— W 83rd Post Office

A hobo is talking into his hand as if it were a phone.

Hobo: Fuck that shit. I’m going dancing!

He hangs up his imaginary phone.

Hobo: Damn, that bitch talks too much.

–Staten Island ferry

Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee.

–Midtown office