French metrosexual, holding up iPhone: It's from Madame Butterfly. You know it?
French bike cop: Yeah, I saw the American movie of it. With that one homosexual actor. Robbie… Robin…
British dinner guest: Robbie Williams?
American dinner guest: Robin Williams? Wait, he's not gay…
French bike cop: Yes. Him.
British dinner guest: That was Mrs Doubtfire.
American dinner guest: It's called Papillon in the US.
French metrosexual: What?


Part-time firefighter: So the next time you feel chest pains, it may not be a good idea to tell 911 that you took meth earlier. And the next time you're in a car crash, keep your pants on.

Bloomington, Indiana

Overheard by: he has the most interesting stories…

Cop: It better be your own shit you are throwing this time, Martha.

Citadel Theatre
Edmonton, Alberta

Policeman, pulling over drunk guy on bike: License and registration, please.
Drunk guy: I'm on a bike!
Policeman: Sorry, force of habit.

Jefferson City, Missouri

Overheard by: BartMan

Hobo, surrounded by EMTs and police: Hocus pocus!
Officer: Sir, have you been drinking?
Hobo: Hocus pocus!
Officer: Have you had anything yummy, like beer?

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: nathans

Security guy: You fell down the stairs.
Girl, trying to convince him that she's sober: Okay, have a gander at these heels.
Security guy: You were also making out with a man on the couch.
Girl: I'm promiscuous!? All your evidence is circumstantial! See, I'm using words like “promiscuous” and “circumstantial.” Have you ever met a drunk person who uses such vocabulary?
Security guy: You exhibit all the signs of intoxication, you are underage, we must ask you to leave.
Girl: For the last time, I'm not drunk! This is just my personality!

Beta Nightclub
Denver, Colorado

Security agent: What's in the box, sir?
Guy with cardboard box: Pot. (long pause, then slowly) A ceramic pot.

Durango Airport
Durango Colorado

Male state trooper to female state trooper: At that point they don't even qualify as carrots anymore. They're more like small creatures.

China Harbor
Bangor, Maine

Overheard by: Kim

Cop (in creole): Move along.
Hobo: You don't know me!

Port Louis

Overheard by: Kallay

Older woman on phone: There are two dogs having relations on my front yard.
Chief of police: Well, hose them down.

Felton, Delaware

Overheard by: oh dear.